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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250576">saving all my love for you [and all i see is you]</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireproofdemigoddess/pseuds/fireproofdemigoddess'>fireproofdemigoddess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Jeon Jungkook, Bad Puns, Childhood Friends, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Jealous Jeon Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook is Whipped, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Kim Seokjin | Jin, Past Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Roommates, Slow Burn, i just wanted to make jk cry to a mariah carey song and this is what happened, law student kim seokjin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:34:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>67,340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireproofdemigoddess/pseuds/fireproofdemigoddess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Does he make you feel like this?”</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Like the songs on the creepy stalker mixtape?”</p><p>Seokjin laughs at that. He leans over Jungkook to toss his phone on the nightstand and lies down again facing him. Close enough to breathe him in. Too close. </p><p>“No, of course not. People don‘t make each other feel these kinds of things in real life, Kookie.”</p><p>Wrong.</p><p>--</p><p>Or: Nearly a decade of Jungkook being madly in love and Seokjin falling at his own excruciatingly slow pace featuring the perfect cheesy soundtrack.</p><p>(get ready for: lots of pining; drunken shenanigans; bad puns; oblivious, whipped idiots in love; everyone being done with jinkook; fluff and crack; A+ matchmaking; the childhood friends to roommates to fake boyfriends to lovers trope-combo and the creepy stalker mixtape)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeon Jungkook/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Taehyung | V/Park Jimin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>186</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>340</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungkook is fourteen going on fifteen when he first realizes he is in love with Seokjin. First loves suck.</p><p>(get ready for: jealous baby JK being a sappy emo; Seokjin‘s awful puns; the epic love story of Vmin; Yugyeum‘s A+ best-friending; the creepy stalker mixtape and summery countryside vibes)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! This is my first time actually posting a story, so I hope I‘m doing this right. Have fun reading!</p><p> <br/>Spotify playlists I created for this fic:</p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I.</p><p> </p><p>Jungkook is fourteen going on fifteen the summer he first realizes he is in love with Seokjin. Which is kind of the worst timing ever since it‘s also the summer Seokjin spends with his eyes glued to his constantly buzzing phone, blushing furiously whenever someone asks about his boyfriend. Like right now.</p><p>It only takes a seemingly innocent <em>Did Namjoon like the picture I took of hyung? </em>from Taehyung for Seokjin to nearly choke on his twirly straw. It‘s endearing, really. But it also makes Jungkook want to spit out the mango juice he just took a sip of, because it goes sour in his mouth the second Namjoon‘s name falls.</p><p>“Aww hyungie, look at you, getting all flustered”, Jimin coos over the huge ice cream sundae he‘s currently spoon-feeding to a contently smirking Taehyung.</p><p>“I‘m not flustered, Jimin-ah, I just… swallowed the wrong way. It happens.”</p><p>“Are too! Blushing and spluttering and -” </p><p>Seokjin groans and Taehyung joins in on the teasing because Jimin and him are absolutely awful human beings.</p><p>“Your ears are turning red, hyung!”</p><p>It‘s true. Seokjin‘s ears are always the first to go.</p><p>“You‘re right, Taetae, they are! And we haven’t even asked anything interesting yet! You‘re acting like a shy schoolgirl dealing with her first crush, hyung. It’s a bit embarrassing, considering you‘re in college and all, don‘t you think?”</p><p>“You‘re both insufferable, disrespectful brats and I refuse to converse with you. Jungkookie is the only valid person on this porch.”</p><p>Jimin and Taehyung snicker and keep on commenting on Seokjin‘s awkwardness and emotional constipation until he decides he‘s had enough – it might‘ve been at the point where Jimin asked him how he even managed to have sex with Namjoon, but Jungkook tries his hardest to zone out whenever the topic comes up, so he can‘t be sure – and abandons his deck chair and lemonade to cuss them out and chase them around the garden until all three of them collapse in a heap of hysterical giggles.</p><p>They sort of remind Jungkook of a puppy pile like this. Limbs tangled together, with leaves in their hair and those branch-filtered golden spots of late August sunshine on their faces. The scene makes him happy even though he‘s not a part of it, or at least not <em>really</em>. He is always more of an observer than an actual character in the story. A side-line type of guy. Someone who‘s barely existent most of the time. But then Seokjin – still struggling to free himself from the weight of the other boys while whining about his old and fragile back – catches his gaze and sends him a small smile. It‘s a bit apologetic and a bit reassuring and it makes his eyes wrinkly and Jungkook feels <em>real </em>for a second and then everything is all right again.</p><p>Until the phone on the chair buzzes. Three times in a row – the screen lights up and Jungkook spots the green heart next to Namjoon‘s name.</p><p>Being in love sucks.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>He knows that it‘s not just a crush, but <em>love</em>. The real deal.</p><p>He tries to explain it to Yugyeom (aka the only person who‘s allowed to find out about this whole tragic affair), but despite his reassurances, Jungkook feels like he doesn‘t quite get it. Which is a tiny bit frustrating considering that he is Jungkook‘s only <em>real</em> friend – the only one he actually found and won over all by himself. Jimin and Seokjin don‘t count. Their mothers have been best friends since their high school years, so they were kind of a given and Taehyung was Jimin‘s friend first. (Or Jimin‘s soulmate, or whatever. They don‘t like anyone referring to the early stages of their relationship as a simple friendship – as if the absence of a predestined meeting could make their love story any less disgusting.)</p><p><em>“No, no, I do get it. Really. I‘m sure it </em>feels<em> like you‘re in love. I just think that… um… people our age are, like, too inexperienced to actually </em>be<em> in love, you know? So maybe it‘s only a crush after all.”</em></p><p>Venting about his hopeless situation during an online <em>Overwatch </em>session was probably not the best idea after all, but what is he to do?</p><p>Spending three whole weeks stranded in Hadong-gun hasn‘t felt this isolating in years and it‘s not like he talks about Seokjin all the time back at home in Busan. He barely mentions him - the fact that Yugyeom didn‘t even know who he was stress-texting him about throughout the weekend he spent in Seoul to celebrate Seokjin‘s mom‘s birthday proves his point. But now that they are stuck in the vacation house and he sees him <em>all the time</em>, it‘s like he fills out every tiny little space in Jungkook.</p><p>He can‘t even distract himself by channeling the thoughts that usually trigger an existential crisis. It‘s all about Seokjin and Namjoon and Seokjin <em>and </em>Namjoon now and he feels like he‘ll suffocate if he keeps it all to himself. Yugyeom will just have to put up with it for a little bit longer. That‘s what friends are for after all, isn‘t it?</p><p>“Mmh… I guess. I mean, I see your point. I just don‘t think it applies to me. But it‘s okay.  Thanks anyway. Sorry for venting. I‘ll stop now.”</p><p>“<em>It‘s fine! Just… don‘t work yourself up over it, okay? People get over their cru- their first loves all the time! It can‘t be that hard. Just give it some time!</em>”</p><p>See, that‘s the thing about crushes. People get over them. But Seokjin isn‘t the kind of person anyone can just get over - especially not Jungkook. Seokjin is the kind of person people write poems about. He‘s like summertime and blueberry pancakes and glittery bath bombs in the whirlpool. All soft and beautiful and <em>pink</em>. Jungkook will never get over the moment he saw his pastel pink hair for the first time.</p><p>
  <em>“It‘s my last summer before university, Jungkook-ah. I need to go through a rebellious, punk rock phase before I get down to business. Ha-ha! Get down to business, get it? ´Cause of the business major.”</em>
</p><p>That‘s when Jungkook <em>should have known</em> he was in love. It has exactly been one year and nine days. Back then he didn‘t get it though.</p><p>He simply assumed that getting a heart rush whenever he as much as glanced into Seokjin‘s direction and feeling the urge to be near him 24/7 was just a natural phenomenon that everyone else around him experienced too. It was like he had his own gravitational field and he kept pulling people into it with his bad puns and contagious laughter.</p><p>So what? He wasn‘t the brightest at thirteen going on fourteen.</p><p>It only hit him this June, when Seokjin arrived at the restaurant they celebrated his mom‘s birthday at.</p><p>His hair was brown again, but he was stunning, nevertheless. Nobody should have had the right to look that good in an oversized Hawaiian shirt with flamingos on it, but Seokjin owned it. He <em>hugged </em>Jungkook and told him he had <em>missed him</em> and that‘s when he realized that he had missed Seokjin too and that his heartbeat resembled a dub-step remix of its usual rhythm and that alone was concerning enough, but then Seokjin‘s mom dropped the N-bomb.</p><p>
  <em>"Honey, why didn‘t you invite Namjoon to join us too?"</em>
</p><p>Seokjin blushed deep enough to match the shade of his ugly shirt.</p><p>
  <em>“Mom, please, can we just… not mention Namjoon? We‘ve only been dating for a few months, we‘re not in the family weekend stage yet, okay?”</em>
</p><p>He needed a second to process the news. Dating. Seokjin dating some fancy college guy named Namjoon. It was like a kick in the teeth. Everything went blurry.</p><p>
  <em>“Seokjin-sshi, are you afraid that we‘d embarrass you in front of your boyfriend?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, Aunty, of course not! But if I‘d invite him you‘d be all over him and forget about me and I couldn‘t bear that now, could I? I‘m so used to being your favorite, I can‘t give that up for Joon‘s sake!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Aish, you‘re really too much!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It‘s the truth! I‘m dwelling in your love! If I had to share it with anyone else, except for Jungkookie here, I would literally die.” </em>
</p><p>He barely registered the affectionate exchange between his mother and Seokjin, but he didn‘t miss the way his muscles relaxed against his chest when he pulled Jungkook into a side hug to demonstrate his point. It was one of those moments where life goes HD all at once and everything feels more intense.</p><p>Seokjin‘s crooked fingers digging into his shoulder softly and the warmth of his body leaking into him. The smell of sweat and soap and lavender shampoo. His breaths getting shorter and shorter. An unknown voice in head chanting <em>minemineminemine</em>.</p><p>And just like that, it hit him.</p><p>Jungkook was gone.</p><p>In love.</p><p>Yugyeom would understand too if he had ever met Seokjin. But he hasn‘t yet, so Jungkook can‘t really blame him for not quite getting it. And he feels bad enough about being the annoying cry baby he is, hence, he just hums in agreement.</p><p>“Maybe. We‘ll see.”</p><p>And then they go back to discussing their battle plan and the new I.U. album. Jungkook ignores the windshield wiper laugh that seeps in through the open window and echoes through the dimly lit room he shares with Jimin.  </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>The summer months are usually hot and humid in the countryside. Jungkook used to hate how one could never properly cool down out here – he missed their apartment‘s AC and the ocean‘s breeze, but this year he catches himself wishing to trade the never-ending rain for the warm and sticky summer days of the past vacations spent in Hadong-gun. It feels like the monsoon season has already arrived and although he has to admit that he did enjoy the first two days of the weather mirroring his misery, he could really use a break now.</p><p>There were only so many entertaining indoor activities one could try to kill time with, and the list got even shorter with four parents lounging around the house.</p><p>Jungkook is doing his best to focus on the sketchbook he is balancing on his knees, but his eyes keep wandering to the window. The rain is pounding against the glass too violently to ignore and he‘s too restless to finish his drawing of Yugyeom‘s Pokémon team.</p><p>He flips through the pages to find an empty one and contemplates erasing the Seokjin inspired doodles once again. The flamingoes and bite marked pencils and the apron with the little hearts on it. But no one would ever make the connection anyway, so it‘s okay, right? It‘s not like he‘d ever actually draw Seokjin himself - that would definitely be too sappy even for Jungkook‘s super low standards and it would give Seokjin the kind of satisfaction he can‘t let him have.</p><p>
  <em>“Why don‘t you ever draw me, Kookie? I‘d make a picture-perfect muse. Picture-perfect. Come on, it‘s funny!”</em>
</p><p>Jungkook refused to laugh at the pun and he refused to draw him because annoying Seokjin gave him a special kind of high. It felt like reaching the top of the rollercoaster. Like the second right before the fall. He figures he‘s the <em>tsundere </em>type. Sometimes he wonders if Namjoon is nice to Seokjin all the time. He probably is. [Hopefully. Seokjin deserves the best boyfriend ever.]</p><p>He must have zoned out again because he doesn‘t hear the approaching steps on the second floor‘s creaky wood parquet floor until the door flies open and his friends stumble in. Jimin is giggling so hard his eyes turn into crescents. Tripping over the threshold he nearly falls, but a dripping wet Taehyung catches his elbow just in time and gives Jungkook a little wave. <em>Great. </em></p><p>It isn‘t surprising for him to come over despite the apocalyptic rainfall. He basically spends his summer break here too ever since he first showed up at their door on the very first evening of their very first Hadong-summer. His beat-up bicycle leaning against the fence is as much a part of the house as the Hollywood swing in the backyard or the weird owl-shaped bird scarer.</p><p>Their families decided to follow up on Seokjin‘s aunt‘s offer of spending their vacation at the weekend house she barely used four years ago for the first time. Jungkook was ten going on eleven back then and euphoric about living together with his best (and only) friend for three whole weeks. He had envisioned game nights and bike tours and camping and midnight snacks and all that jazz.</p><p>Maybe his fantasies could‘ve become reality, had Taehyung not nearly killed Jimin ten minutes after their arrival. But Taehyung <em>did</em> nearly run him over with his bike on his way back to his grandma‘s farm from the market and that rom-com like first meeting put an end to the coming of age summer story Jungkook had envisioned.</p><p>Jimin was too busy dragging his suitcase to the house to notice the scrawny boy racing towards him at a dizzying speed. Wearing earphones, he didn‘t hear the bell or the warning shouts and by the time he looked in his direction, it was too late to get out of his way. Taehyung managed to step on the break a mere heartbeat before the collision, but he still ended up crashing into the hot pavement, bringing Jimin down with him.</p><p>Jungkook remembers his stomach climbing up his throat and threatening to fall out of his mouth when he heard that awful screeching sound and the thud that followed it.</p><p>He had always been a bit too dramatic for his own good and started weeping as soon as he saw the blood on Jimin‘s hands which eventually lead to the older boys pausing their heated screaming match. Their outraged accusations dissolved into laughter as soon as they spotted his pathetic, crying form. Shaking shoulders, tear- and snot-coated, comically red face, wobbling lips and flaring nostrils and all, Jungkook later figured, he probably <em>did </em>look ridiculous.</p><p>
  <em>“It‘s fine, Jungkook-ah, I‘m not even really hurt! It‘s just a scratch! Oh my God, you should see your face right now! Look, at him, he‘s trembling like a bunny! Why are you even crying?”</em>
</p><p><em>“S-stop making f-f-fun of me! You could‘ve </em>d-died<em>!”</em></p><p><em>“I mean, he‘s not wrong, I guess. The chances were, like, really low, but we really </em>could‘ve <em>died… we‘re okay though! Please don‘t start crying again! Oh… Can you please tell him to stop please?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Kookie, you‘re making… making the guy who almost killed me uncomfortable. Stop it. We‘re fine. You‘re literally gonna drown in your tears if you keep it up like this.” </em>
</p><p>He did stop eventually, but only after his parents assured him that the boys were really okay. They both got away with a few scratches and bruises. It was still a traumatizing experience for Jungkook though and he didn‘t appreciate how Jimin burst out laughing every time he remembered his desperate sobs.</p><p>
  <em>“I‘m sorry, I‘m sorry! I‘ll stop it, I swear! It‘s just that you were so cute and you looked too funny, but you know that I love you, right, Kookie?” </em>
</p><p>He knew, of course, but that couldn‘t stop him from spending the afternoon sulking in their shared closet with his stash of comic books. Jimin was bossy and loved to make fun of him, but he also always let him pick his favorite games to play even if Jimin sucked at them and he shared his snacks and stood up to the bullies in Jungkook‘s class and showed him his cool kendo moves, so he loved him back, nonetheless. He just needed some time to remember all of the nice things about their friendship after the humiliating crying episode.    </p><p>A few hours and a plate of waffles (that Seokjin smuggled into his hiding spot) later Taehyung came back.</p><p>His skinny arms and legs were covered in band-aids, but he was grinning from ear to ear. He came over to apologize to Jimin and Jungkook, <em>but mostly to Jimin</em>, with a basket of his grandma‘s honey cookies and a single sunflower (<em>because I wasn‘t sure if you liked ´em, ´cause a lot of boys don‘t and I get it, except I don‘t really, because I </em>love<em> flowers, like, they‘re so pretty, you know? Especially sunflowers. So I thought bringing just one was okay)</em>. Jimin took the presents and beamed at the boy over Jungkook‘s head and Taehyung beamed back… and the rest was history.</p><p>“Hi, Jungkookie!”</p><p>He greets him with a boxy smile while Jimin pushes him on his bed on the other side of the room.</p><p>“Hi, Tae!”</p><p>Jimin lets himself fall on the mattress too and bores his eyes into Jungkook‘s skull.</p><p>“Jungkook-sshi, I <em>hate </em>to interrupt your artistic flow, but you <em>really </em>need to go now. Taehyung and I have to discuss some serious issues. Soulmates stuff. You wouldn‘t get it and we would <em>hate </em>to bore you with our emotional outbursts.”</p><p>He‘s using his most angelic voice – that soft, honey-dripping one, normally reserved for teachers and parents in need of persuasion. It takes Jungkook by surprise every time, the way Jimin can slip into this weird innocent persona and stay in character even when he‘s obviously talking about sex.</p><p>Taehyung is keeping a straight face too, nodding seriously, and Jungkook toys with the idea of standing his ground and staying because honestly, fuck them both. It‘s his room too. Who has sex with their parents one floor under them anyway? But Jimin is <em>scary</em> and Jungkook would probably die of embarrassment if he had to talk about anybody doing anything sexual. It is bad enough to catch the occasional kiss or innuendo between them.</p><p>“Yeah, sure, I bet you would. I hope you know how awful you are. And that I can‘t stand you”, he mutters as he slips on his grey hoodie and tucks the sketchbook under his pillow.  </p><p>“Bye, Jungkookie!”</p><p>He wiggles his fingers at Taehyung‘s cheerful face and closes the door behind him. The lock clicks in place before he reaches the staircase.</p><p>Going downstairs to join the adults is not an option. Taehyung isn‘t allowed to sleep over or spend one-on-one time in their bedroom anymore, so Jungkook needs to help keep the quality-friendship-time-act up. They adore Taehyung, of course. Who wouldn‘t? He‘s the personification of every well-mannered, respectful boyfriend cliché most parents can only dream of. And the fact that they‘ve known him since he was a puppy-eyed twelve-year-old makes it even better.</p><p><em>“Jungkook-ah? Are you awake? Can I tell you a secret? Taetae and I kissed today. It was, like, a </em>real <em>kiss. Like in the movies.” </em></p><p>Jimin told him that after climbing into his bed a few minutes before midnight on the last night of their second Hadong-summer. His voice was just a high-pitched whisper and he hid his face under the light duvet, but Jungkook could still hear him smiling.</p><p>
  <em>“That‘s great, Jimin-sshi.”</em>
</p><p><em>“Aren‘t you surprised? Shocked? Outraged?</em> “</p><p>
  <em>“Hm… no. Not really. You guys look like you wanna kiss each other all the time anyway, so it´s nice you finally did, you know?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh. Right. I suppose we do want to kiss each other all the time.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you… are you two, like, boyfriends now?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, silly. We‘re soulmates. Kissing soulmates.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh. Okay. That‘s cool.” </em>
</p><p>However, the following summer they decided to settle on the boyfriend-label after all. Explaining the whole soulmate thing to outsiders would‘ve been too complicated - and they needed to do it.</p><p>Jungkook didn‘t get the fuss Jimin made about telling their families. He was sure his parents had caught up on the sparks between the two of them ages ago too, but Jimin needed <em>the announcement</em> to be perfect. And it was. Or at least as perfect as fourteen-year-old dating announcements can get.</p><p>Taehyung put on his dress shirt (the fancy one his school made them wear for celebratory occasions) and assembled a huge bouquet of flowers for Jimin‘s mom before cycling over to their house. It was rather comical and Jungkook‘s sure that nobody else could‘ve pulled it off without giving him second-hand embarrassment, but Taehyung had an air of solemnity and determination to him when he asked if he could talk to Mr. and Mrs. Park somewhere <em>private</em>. Nobody dared laugh at him. Not even Seokjin, although the hidden dimples in the corner of his mouth gave his amusement away.</p><p>Jimin, his parents and Taehyung settled on having <em>the talk </em>on the porch, because the buzzing house didn‘t really have a more private part apart from the bedrooms - Jungkook and Seokjin watched the whole scene from their hiding place behind the curtains of the patio window looking over the backyard.</p><p>
  <em>“Isn‘t it super creepy that we‘re stalking them like that?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sssh, hush! We‘re not stalking them, we‘re just… observing a heartfelt real live drama scene.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How is that not like stalking, hyung?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Jimin will tell us all about it anyway. We might as well watch it now. And it‘s not like we‘re eavesdropping, so it‘s fine.”</em>
</p><p>Jungkook found it rather boring, but it wasn‘t like he had anything better to do, so he stayed.</p><p>The four of them drank tea and ate plums and talked with serious faces. Jimin couldn‘t hold still. He wiggled in his seat and tapped his foot like he sometimes did before a dance performance, but then Taehyung took his hand absentmindedly, his huge eyes never leaving the face of Jimin‘s dad and then they both blushed and broke out in those huge, relieved grins and Seokjin gave a shaky sigh and squeezed the back of Jungkook‘s neck. Then he sniffled.</p><p>
  <em>“Hyung, are you crying?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yah, what a shameless assumption! I‘m not!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It‘s okay to cry, though. I do it all the time. I mean, it‘s a bit cringey to cry over Jimin and Tae, but I guess old people are more sensitive, so -“</em>
</p><p>Seokjin hit his neck then and they ended up wrestling on the floor.</p><p>Later that afternoon Jimin told them how their parents weren‘t surprised by the news either. They were supportive of them dating each other, but there were still some new rules that needed to be established. One of them being the <em>no-sleepovers-and</em>-<em>no-closed-bedroom-doors-without-a-chaperone-rule. </em></p><p>When they were fourteen it had seemed reasonable, but Jungkook doesn‘t really understand why he still has to pretend to third wheel on a regular basis. He can‘t help but roll his eyes as he makes his way to Seokjin‘s room at the end of the corridor.</p><p>It‘s tiny compared to the other two bedrooms on the floor and even to the two guestrooms downstairs, but it has always been Jungkook‘s favorite and sometimes he wishes he could have it to himself. The slanted ceiling over the bed makes it perfect for stargazing and it‘s next to the huge built-in wardrobe they store the freshly washed bedclothes and fabric softener in, so it always smells nice.</p><p>And it‘s full of Seokjin too. His clothes and old books everywhere, abused stationary scattered around the floor and the nightstand - there‘s no space for a proper desk, but he studies best sprawled out on the bed or the fuzzy carpet anyways, so it‘s no big deal.</p><p>Jungkook remembers him pulling all-nighters to cram in some extra prep time the summer before his CSATs. Seeing him work so tirelessly towards his goal of getting into a SKY university actually triggered his first-ever profession-related existential crises. See, he wanted to be as hard-working and determined as Seokjin. But Jungkook didn‘t have a goal back then. Well, he still doesn´t have one to be completely honest, but at least he has eliminated some of the mainstream ones, like becoming a doctor, the CEO of a fancy company, or a lawyer (nothing against Seokjin - Jungkook is sure he‘s going to ace law school and save the world and shit, it‘s just not for him). And figuring out the stuff one doesn‘t want to do seems like a reasonable first step, so he‘s feeling slightly less stressed out about this whole ordeal. Or maybe he‘s just too heartbroken to care.</p><p>He finds Seokjin lying on his bed with his earphones in. As soon as he realizes him standing in the doorframe, he puts his phone down and smiles at him. It‘s enough to start the engines of the spaceships in his stomach.</p><p>[Occasionally he feels butterflies too. But more often than not it‘s spaceships. Battleships to be more precise. They try to blow each other up and it makes him want to crawl out of his body sometimes. Who said that first loves had to be all flowers and sunshine?]</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Jimin and Taehyung are at it again and I can‘t go downstairs”, he blurts out without thinking and scolds himself for acting weird. He doesn‘t need an excuse to hang out in Seokjin‘s room. They are friends, for Heaven‘s sake.</p><p>“Ew, gross.”</p><p>“Yeah. So…”</p><p>He should just go in. Throw himself on the mattress or sit on the floor <em>or something</em>. Every second of just awkwardly swaying back and forth glued to the spot feels like a painful eternity and he regrets not straight up hiding out in the wardrobe, but Seokjin doesn‘t seem fazed, so that‘s good.</p><p>“I was just listening to the creepy stalker mixtape. Wanna join me?”</p><p>He nods eagerly and scurries over to nestle himself into the pillows. </p><p>The single bed has become too small for the both of them, but they manage to arrange themselves around each other without cursing too much or starting a physical fight. They end up with Seokjin‘s back pressed up against the wall and his left arm under Jungkook‘s head.</p><p>“Ah, Jungkook-ah, when did your head become so heavy?”</p><p>“Stop making a fuss, hyung.”</p><p>Legs tangled together faces mere inches from each other, they fit perfectly. Like two puzzle pieces. <em>Two very soft puzzle pieces</em>. The worn-out grey hoodie and the baby blue sweater not even Seokjin‘s shoulders can fill out function as a cushion between them. An extra layer of distance. And Jungkook is kind of thankful for that because lying on Seokjin‘s arm like this is definitely not something Yugyeom (who keeps flooding his inbox with <em>How to get over Your Crush in x simple steps </em>articles) would approve of.  </p><p>“Ungrateful brat. But like the great hyung I am, I‘ll let you use my left arm as a pillow. Because even if it falls off, I‘ll be all-right.”</p><p>He forgets to actively keep from laughing at the flat joke and Seokjin seems pleased enough with himself to stop complaining.</p><p>“I just laughed out of pity. To make you feel better about your awful sense of humor.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“I mean it.”</p><p>“Uh-huh. Do you know why eggs hate jokes?”</p><p>“…no?”</p><p>“Because the punchlines crack them up!”</p><p>This time he‘s quick enough to bite the inside of his cheek before the giggles can bubble out of him and he clears his throat to distract himself from Seokjin‘s sparkling eyes.</p><p>“Still not funny. So… what‘s the creepy stalker mixtape?”</p><p>“Oh, right! Well, I can‘t exactly show you right now, since you‘re <em>lying </em>on it, but -”, he slips his hand under the small of Jungkook‘s back and pulls out an ancient Walkman from under him before he continues. And Jungkook survives the whole action. Kudos to him.</p><p>“So, basically, I was just rummaging through the junk in the attic and then I found this Walkman and a whole box of old tapes, and this one caught my eye because it didn‘t have a proper case and it‘s super pretty”, he pops the cassette out of the player and lets Jungkook take it. It‘s pastel pink and there‘s a white etiquette on it. <em>To Jiyeon with LOVE. </em></p><p>“Jiyeon? Like your aunt?”</p><p>Seokjin nods.</p><p>“Yeah. She was quite popular with men back in her time. Worldwide pretty genes and all. Runs in the family”, he pointedly ignores Jungkook‘s groan but pinches his thigh before he goes on.</p><p>“Anyways. She told me about this one guy. She only ever mentions him as <em>the creepy stalker guy</em>, but I think his name was Steve. Or Justin or Brad. It doesn‘t matter. Steve or Justin or Brad and Aunty Jiyeon lived in the same college dorm during her L.L.M. semester in Boston and he had the biggest crush on her. He continued to send her presents even after she turned him down.”</p><p>“That does sound creepy.”</p><p>“Yep. And it wasn‘t just flowers and basic presents either, but super personal ones. Like build-a-bear-bears and self-made chocolates and stuff. And super cheesy mixtapes and they all came with a love letter. He was probably just some harmless lovesick fool, but he freaked her out and Aunty Jiyeon got rid of all the presents. But I guess she forgot about this one. It‘s the only survivor of the creepy stalker mix tape massacre.”</p><p>“Did she listen to them before she threw them all out?”</p><p>“No, I don‘t think so.”</p><p>“Hm… I feel kind of bad for Brad. I bet he put his creepy heart and soul into them.”</p><p>“Yeah, I‘m sure he did. But it wasn‘t really in vain, ‘cause we‘re about to listen to it and that counts too.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>Seokjin plugs one of the earphones in Jungkook‘s ear and they fall into a comfortable silence after he presses play.</p><p>The music <em>is </em>horribly cheesy. It‘s mostly ballads with sax solos and sappy lyrics and that one American singer with that one super catchy Christmas hit Jungkook can‘t remember the name of singing her heart out. Definitely not something he would usually listen to, but it‘s also kind of nice. Maybe it‘s just because it goes so well with the sound of the raindrops hitting the window above them. Or because it‘s slow and gentle enough to make everything around him a lot softer.</p><p>It‘s like someone has put that washed-out filter over a picture. Everything is so<em> pastel</em>. They‘re snuggled into the cozy pillows and the room smells like the new fabric softener he was so excited about trying out. And like rain. And like Seokjin.</p><p>He‘s feeling drowsy enough to fall asleep when the phone buzzes again. And again. And again. Namjoon has no chill. Jungkook wants to forget about him. Wants him gone. But he also wants to understand why Seokjin is so into him, so he ignores the voice of reason (aka Yugyeom) in the back of his head and lets the masochist in him take over.</p><p>“Hyung, can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Mmmh.”</p><p>“Why did you save Namjoon‘s name with a green heart?”</p><p>His eyes widen at that and Jungkook can literally see the blood rushing to his ears. It would be funny if his throat didn‘t tighten up so painfully.</p><p>“How do you even -“</p><p>“It‘s hard to miss, hyung. He‘s texting you <em>all the time</em>.”</p><p>Alright, maybe that was a bit harsh. But his voice is too small to convey the spite he really feels, so it should be okay.</p><p>“Fair enough. Well, it‘s kind of silly, really, but if you <em>have to know</em>, it‘s because we had this one philosophical discussion about how each and every individual is unique and can only play one certain role in the life of another individual and how you can‘t just replace or interchange people and”, he blinks down at Jungkook and lets out a little laugh.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. He <em>really </em>loves deep talk. So, we were going on about it and then Namjoon slipped into this super long, tiresome monologue about emojis reserved for certain <em>roles </em>but not for the actual individuals slipping in and out of those roles, and I just really needed him to shut up, so we could go back to making out, you know?”</p><p>Jungkook can picture Seokjin pretending to listen and then gradually growing more and more frustrated, struggling to keep up the polite facade. He snorts into his sweater.</p><p>“So I asked him if he had an actionable solution and he came up with this idea of assigning emojis to the individuals and I basically reserved the green heart for him, you see. And he got all excited about it. It was adorable. We spent the next hour or so changing all of our contact names.”</p><p>“Why green?”</p><p>“I guess it reminds me of him. He loves plants and nature. He even has these cute little bonsais he‘s obsessed with. I thought it was fitting.”</p><p>His voice is too fond. Jungkook hates it.</p><p>“What‘s mine?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“My emoji.”</p><p>“Oh. The bunny, of course.”</p><p>It stings. But only a tiny bit.</p><p>“The <em>bunny</em>?”</p><p>“The cute one. The head, not the creepy full-body bunny.”</p><p>At least it‘s the cute one. He can tell that Seokjin is enjoying himself. He can hear him smile.</p><p>“Right. But why?”</p><p>“That‘s easy. It‘s because you‘re my favorite! There‘s no-bunny like you, Kookie!”</p><p>This time it‘s Jungkook who pinches Seokjin, turning his windshield wiper squeaks into a painful whine.</p><p>“No heart for your favorite? That‘s a bit mean, hyung, don‘t you think so?”</p><p>“You‘re such a brat. I spoil you too much”, Seokjin sighs and reaches for his phone to Jungkook‘s surprise. He nestles his head into the crook of Seokjin‘s neck, so he can watch him select his name on his contact list.</p><p>“Which one do you want? Green, blue, and the sparkly pink one are already taken.”</p><p>He was right. The whole emoji assignment concept is silly. But the spaceships go crazy in him and he‘s actually scared that his heart is beating loud enough for the whole house to hear.</p><p>“Uhm… can I - can I have the red one?”</p><p>Seokjin selects the OG heart emoji and presses <em>save</em> before he opens Namjoon‘s latest selca.</p><p>“Are you happy now?”</p><p>Jungkook nods, but he can‘t take his eyes off the picture. He remembers Jimin venting about how <em>that producer guy</em> wasn‘t attractive enough to be going out with their Seokjin-hyung after the Seoul-weekend. He doesn‘t remember whether he had agreed back then. His subconscious is damn good at repressing all Namjoon-related memories. But he definitely couldn’t agree with Jimin now.</p><p>Namjoon is one of the most handsome guys Jungkook has ever seen. Noted, not <em>beautiful</em>, like Seokjin, but very handsome indeed. Staring at his dimpled smirk and the tiny crab in his palm, he thinks he gets what Seokjin sees in him. And it makes disliking him a lot harder. Especially with the way he makes Seokjin‘s eyes light up.</p><p>“Hyung?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Does he make you feel like this?”</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Like the songs on the creepy stalker mixtape?”</p><p>Seokjin laughs at that. He leans over Jungkook to toss his phone on the nightstand and lies down again facing him. Close enough to breathe him in. Too close.</p><p>“No, of course not. People don‘t make each other feel these kinds of things in real life, Kookie.”</p><p>Wrong.</p><p>“Then why are you together?”</p><p>He should really stop. But it <em>is</em> a legitimate question. </p><p>“I like him a lot", Seokjin says, fumbling with the earphones. Blushing again. "He‘s great. He‘s nice and very smart and hot and he likes me too. And we have fun together. So. Yeah. I guess these are the common reasons people decide to date each other.”</p><p>“But love is supposed to be more than liking someone and having fun together, isn‘t it?”</p><p>He sounds pathetic and he knows he should just shut up, but the words just keep stumbling out of him as the Christmas song singer goes on about love taking time to heal when one‘s hurting so much.</p><p>” Love- love isn‘t like a Mariah Carey song. It‘s about attraction and compatibility, but it isn‘t that dramatic, really.”</p><p><em>Mariah Carey</em>. That‘s the name of the singer. Jungkook nods again.</p><p>“Okay, hyung. That‘s good to know”, he says, his voice barely more than a whisper.</p><p>It‘s ironic really, how Seokjin smiles at him like he just explained all the secrets of the universe to Jungkook when he couldn‘t be more wrong.</p><p>Because the thing is that love <em>does </em>feel exactly like a cheesy mixtape. Jungkook would know. There are pink roses blossoming in his lungs. <em>He‘s so fucked.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! Have a lovely day and leave a kudo or comment if you feel like brightening up mine :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Seokjin is twenty-three when he first realizes he might need to replace his friends with people who actually care about him and aren‘t just obsessed with his sex life.</p><p>(get ready for: Seokjin being the most oblivious idiot ever; Jungkook slut dropping to Coming of Age Ceremony; domestic Sope; demonic Vmin; Yoongi‘s A+ adulting; drunk adventures and some lighter-than-light angst)</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a></p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Everyone is drunk in this one and I jumped on the Jackson Wang party train!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>II.</p><p>Seokjin is twenty-three and fresh out of the hell that those cursed twenty-two months of mandatory military service have been when he first realizes he might need to replace his friends with people who actually care about him and aren‘t just obsessed with his sex life.</p><p>“I‘m just saying. The last time you got laid was with that rebound guy after Namjoon moved to the States.”</p><p>“Yeah. Thank you. I am aware. So what? I‘m busy.”</p><p>Moonbyul takes a sip of her coffee and raises her eyebrows like she‘s expecting him to elaborate further, but Seokjin won‘t. It‘d be pointless. It‘s true that his schedule is tight with all the finals and deadlines sneaking up on him but trying to convince a fellow international relations student with a whole army of lovesick admirers into believing that balancing university and an existing love life is impossible would be a waste of time. So he pointedly ignores her and nearly chokes on the huge chunk he bites off his sandwich.</p><p>“Ah, Seokjin-sshi, why deepthroat that baguette when you could just finally ask Park Jinyoung out?”</p><p>Yong-sun pats his heaving back and flashes him a five-hundred-watt smile as she sits down next to Moonbyul. She hates eating at the university‘s mediocre cafeteria and looks painfully out of place in her pastel pink designer dress, but joins them anyway, because, apparently, nobody can bear the idea of missing out on picking on him.</p><p>“Why on earth would I ask Park Jinyoung out?”</p><p>“No need to get disrespectful!”</p><p>“Why on earth would I ask Park Jinyoung out, <em>noona</em>?”</p><p>She smiles contently at that, taking a little bite of her salad and immediately wrinkling her nose in disgust.</p><p>“Well, because he‘s the most beautiful man on campus for one.”</p><p>“I thought you said Seokjin was the most beautiful man on campus”, Moonbyul remarks with a tiny smirk and he nods because she <em>did </em>say that back when they first met at that dumb karaoke party. She´d tried to make a very awkward, tipsy move on him and Seokjin and Moonbyul are never going to let her live that one down.</p><p>Their eyes meet as they collectively remember Yong-sun‘s <em>seductive </em>performance of <em>Up and Down </em>and they both burst out laughing.</p><p>“That was three years ago, you guys! Stop being so mean! I‘m just trying to help here!”</p><p>“Okay, okay, sorry, noona. Please go on”, he wheezes out after Yong-sun throws a carrot stick at him.</p><p>“You should ask him out, because he‘s the most beautiful man on campus <em>and </em>because he literally can‘t take his eyes off you whenever you‘re in the same room -”</p><p>That sounds fake. He‘s only ever interacted with Jinyoung about assignment deadlines and recommended reading lists. On Facebook. In the annoying public group. And that one time in real life when they were standing in line to the bathroom at Jackson Wang‘s birthday party and Jinyoung told him how he really liked Namjoon‘s music video that Seokjin had shared in his Instagram story. He was just trying to fill the awkward silence with smalltalk. He‘d even asked if they were still dating and -</p><p>Oh.</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>“ - like right now. Don‘t look, but he‘s sitting at the table at eleven o‘clock. With those other preppy guys. And he‘s checking you out.”</p><p>“No way.”</p><p>“I said don‘t look!”</p><p>But it‘s too late because now he <em>has to</em> and so he glances over his shoulder despite Yong-sun‘s enraged squeal and Moonbyul soft <em>how did you survive the military with so little impulse control</em>. He lets his gaze wander over the room subtly and finds Jinyoung staring at him. For real. Wow.</p><p>Their eyes meet for a second, before he looks away, to say something to the guy with the killer jawline he can‘t remember the name of. And then he glances back at Seokjin and smiles at him. It‘s a faint smile, but it makes his heart skip a beat and he finds himself about to return it when two first-years carrying flowers walk by and make his stomach drop. It‘s Monday. The third one in May. Shit.</p><p>“Oh, I fucked up”, he whispers turning back and reaching for his phone.</p><p>“How? How could you fuck it up within two seconds, without even talking to him?”, Yong-sun asks spying over him.</p><p>“Not that. It‘s Jungkook‘s Coming of Age day today.”</p><p>He can‘t believe he forgot. He‘s the worst. Maybe he can play it off and just send him flowers. Online delivery is a thing, right? Sure, it‘s one of the busiest days for the flower industry, but it should still be possible, shouldn’t it, he can just look up the small, independent florists and, like, probably call them, because online orders take days, and he could tip generously and explain how it‘s a matter of life and death and -</p><p>“Okay. But what about Jinyoung?”</p><p>“What about him?”</p><p>- and probably beg too. Begging never hurts. He‘s already dialing the first number Naver suggests.</p><p>“Will you consider sleeping with him now that you know he‘s interested?”</p><p>“Look, I really, really need to make sure Jungkook gets these flowers today. He‘s been going on about his Coming of Age this whole year and he‘ll get upset if he finds out I forgot and I just can‘t let that happen after that one time I forgot his birthday.”</p><p>The memory still stings and the dark shadow that hushes over Moonbyul‘s face tells him that she can remember sixteen-year-old Jungkook exploding over the phone too. It was a scary experience, to say the least.  </p><p>“But -“</p><p>“I‘ll think about it, okay?”</p><p>He rushes out of the building without finishing his sandwich.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The forgotten-birthday-incident isn‘t the only reason Seokjin wants Jungkook to receive those stupid roses.</p><p>The thing is, he just needs him to be happy. Like, all the time. Keeping Jungkook content has somehow become a necessity like it‘s part of Seokjin‘s own personal hierarchy of needs.</p><p>He had always had a soft spot for him, but he can‘t recall the desire to make him smile all the time being that intense before his time in the military when Jungkook‘s carefully folded letters and silly doodles were the only nice thing to look forward to. Seokjin remembers him being the very first one to write to him, even beating his mom by three whole days.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hi, Hyung!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It‘s me, Jungkook. But you probably already know that, because the sender‘s name has to be on the envelope. Sorry, I‘m already making this weird. I guess I suck at writing letters. But I figured you‘d be happy to get some (…letters I mean), just to make sure the other guys don‘t think you‘re a geeky loser without any friends. So. How are you? I hope you‘re doing okay and that don‘t cry yourself to sleep because of your hair every single night. Jimin laughed so hard he fell off the couch when your mom sent us the pics and I teared up a little too, but I want you to know that we both felt really bad about it afterward and we still think that you look good for your age. Have you made any friends yet? Are the instructors really that awful? Do they really make you do gas training without masks on? I hope you‘re doing okay. Oh. I‘ve already said that. Sorry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Take care and write me when you can! But only if you want to. No pressure. I understand if you have more important things to do in your downtime. Like sleeping and thinking about all the food and memes you‘re missing out on and stuff.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Jungkook</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>His other friends wrote to him too, of course. Not as frequently as Jungkook, but they did from time to time. When they remembered about him still existing. Even Namjoon did.</p><p>When Seokjin opened his letter, his fingers were trembling. Only oh-so-slightly, but still. He laughed at himself for acting so silly. Their break-up a few months before his enlisting and Namjoon signing the final version of his contract with an upcoming agency in LA had been mutual and painless. A rational, mature decision. Finalized over dinner in a nice enough restaurant with fancy wine and a bittersweet goodbye hug.</p><p>
  <em>"You‘ll always be my purple heart, Seokjin-hyung."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know, Joon-ah. You‘ll always be my green one. And now stop being so sappy. It‘s not like we‘ll never meet again. I‘m literally moving into your old apartment next week. Cheer up!"</em>
</p><p>That night Seokjin had listened to the first two songs of the creepy stalker mixtape (not the original one, but the Spotify playlist Jungkook had made), waiting for the cathartic tears to flood his eyes. They never came though, so he decided to let Namjoon go silently. And it worked. Up until the point, the isolation-induced depression started to kick in. Lying awake in the cold barracks after another endlessly long day of the dehumanizing training he often caught his thoughts wandering off to him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hi, Kookie!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for worrying about me. I really appreciate it. I‘ll let your disrespectful remarks slide this time since I‘m sure you were just being mean to mask your true feelings about my enlisting and projecting your own experiences onto me which is fine. It‘s okay to miss your favorite hyung so much you need to cry yourself to sleep every single night. I‘m not judging you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To answer your questions: </em>
</p><p>
  <em>1. I hate every second of the training, but I‘m fine otherwise!</em>
</p><p><em>2. I don‘t know if it really counts as making friends, but I do get along fine with everyone here. Turns out that running around in the woods in those horrendous uniforms and waddling through the mud in the freezing cold crack of dawn are great bonding experiences. (Also, FYI none of them thought that I was a geeky loser. I was actually asked if I was an idol </em>twice<em>, JK. That‘s how handsome I look despite the hair. Just saying.) (But I was still very happy to hear from you, so thanks for the letter!) </em></p><p>
  <em>3. Yes, the instructors are really that horrible. </em>
</p><p><em>4. No, but it‘s still awful. You don‘t get any rest and you get yelled at all the time and the training is really intense. Like, super intense. Everything hurts. (In case anyone reads through this letter I‘d like to confirm that I love South Korea and its army and I‘m proud and honored to be able to serve it. That‘s all. )</em> </p><p><em>I hope, you‘re doing okay too! Tell me all about the food and the memes and school and just life in general in the real world!</em> </p><p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seokjin</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It wasn‘t really <em>Namjoon </em>he was missing, but rather the idea of being in a relationship. That much he managed to figure out over the first few excruciating nights. The idea of someone waiting for him to come back home. The idea of belonging to someone on a level deep enough to ground him in the reality of the outside world. And that <em>someone </em>was interchangeable.</p><p>It still hurt to fight his way through his ex-boyfriend‘s undecipherable descriptions of his new life though. Seokjin ached for everything Namjoon had. For feeling alive.</p><p>Serving in the army was a bit like what he imagined being buried alive must have felt like. Like someone put his whole life on pause and he faded into an afterthought in the minds of everyone he ever knew. That was the worst part. But Jungkook made him feel like he was still <em>present</em>. Like he was thought of constantly. Like he was still real. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hi, Hyung!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The idol-story sounds fake, but I‘ll pretend to believe it if that makes you feel better. I‘m sorry you‘re having such a bad time. The training really sounds like it sucks a lot. I‘m not sure how I could cheer you up from here, but I figured the most embarrassing fight and make-up scene of Jimin‘s and Tae‘s life could do the trick, so I drew the comic version of the dumpling-incident for you. I also sent you the video of drunk Jimin crying in the rain, but you won‘t be able to watch it until you get your phone back and I don‘t want you to miss out on it. I almost died of secondhand embarrassment and it was so awkward for everyone who witnessed it (Yugyeom, his friend from Thailand, and two girls from Jimin‘s dance group) that we all just pretended it never happened all evening and that made it even worse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don‘t want to make you sad by listing all the food I‘ve been having, but Yugyeom and I went to that one Japanese restaurant you love so much last week. I hope that doesn‘t make you even more miserable. I thought you would‘ve wanted me to eat for the both of us, so I did. It was awesome. We need to go together as soon as you visit Busan again. I learned how to make kimchi fried rice. I‘m getting better at cooking. We should have a cook-off when you get back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Schools fine. And I send you all the memes that make me laugh, but you‘re too old to keep up with our generation anyways, so don‘t worry about missing out on them. I hope you’re okay. (No, I don‘t miss you. But sometimes I wish you were here. So I didn‘t have to endure Jimin and Tae all by myself.)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stay healthy and take care,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Jungkook</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He wrote him twice every month. Forty-two letters in total. And Seokjin would never admit that out loud, but some of them he had learned by heart. Not intentionally. But there were long, cold patrol nights during which they weren‘t allowed to talk or read actual books, so Seokjin pocketed the latest Jungkook-letter or one of the comics he drew and re-read them, again and again, to keep from falling asleep. They were perfect. Never serious enough to make him <em>really </em>emotional, but always so sincere that his heart kind of just clenched around itself. In a nice way.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hi, Hyung!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thanks for your letter. I also appreciate you writing to me. Thanks for that questionable wannabe comic too, but please just use your words and never draw anything ever again. You suck at it. (I still hope you survived whatever you were trying to convey through those disturbing pictures. Your stick figure looked miserable in all panels.) Speaking of art, I‘m applying to Busan Arts College. The fine art department. I really hope I get in. Jimin is already being annoying about the fact that he went there first - you know how he is.</em>
</p><p><em>…I don‘t think I have any other news. Mom made blueberry pancakes for breakfast today. That made me think of you. Remember when you first tried to make them in Hadong? They were so disgusting, hyung. Undercooked and </em>salty<em> and just overall really really bad. How could you feed them to us? Maybe the military sucks so much because the universe is punishing you for them. </em></p><p>
  <em>I hope you‘re okay! Stay healthy,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Jungkook</em>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Seokjin loves Yoongi. He‘s the best roommate one could wish for. Quiet and tidy and as big a fan of personal boundaries as Seokjin himself is. Moving in with him as Namjoon‘s successor is high up on the list of the best decisions of his adult life. Enrolling him in an evening pole dance course as an evil prank gift on the other hand must have been one of the worst ones. Because the one and only lesson Yoongi had attended had led to him meeting and immediately falling for Hoseok.</p><p>Don‘t get him wrong - Seokjin loves Hobi dearly too. It would be hard not to, to be honest. It‘s just that sometimes loving him from a healthy distance would be easier than loving him when he is invading his privacy once again. He‘s the most annoying honorary roommate ever, he decides, as Hoseok settles in on the couch behind him. Lying on his stomach, chin hooked over Seokjin‘s shoulder, eyes glued to Jinyoung‘s Instagram feed.</p><p>“Ooooh, Seokjin-hyung, is this the guy Yong-sun‘s been talking about?”</p><p>He just nods, because honestly, at this point he has accepted his fate.</p><p>“He‘s really handsome. Will you text him? I think you should. It‘s getting harder and harder to watch you wither away, wasting your best years on your right hand and all.”</p><p>Ouch. He‘d argue, but the day has been too long. Seokjin simply doesn‘t have it in him to stand up for himself anymore. Maybe the demonic trio is right and he‘s really losing his spark. He settles for a whine.</p><p>“Yoongi-yah, your boyfriend is bullying me again!”</p><p>His roommate doesn‘t even look up from the ridiculous cat-themed notebook he is scribbling into when he answers.</p><p>“Hoseok‘s right, hyung. You could use your left one for a change sometimes.”</p><p>“Screw you.”</p><p>He opens his notifications and decides to finally look at the pictures and videos Jimin has been spamming their <em>Hadong</em>-<em>squad</em> group chat with. The first few are just shaky selfies of Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook and Yugyeom and short videos of the four of them shouting around, flicking soju bottle caps, and taking shots. It makes Seokjin nostalgic for some reason. He can‘t remember the last time he dared to get that wasted on a Monday night - must‘ve been in his first year of university.</p><p>“We should bring back drinking on weekdays too.”</p><p>“We literally drink all the time”, Yoongi counters and he can‘t argue with that, except that drinking doesn‘t necessarily equal <em>drinking </em>and he feels really old all of the sudden.</p><p>“Having a single drink while watching bad variety shows doesn‘t count!”</p><p>“Hmm, Seokjin-hyung has a point. We should really drink more. We could start now.”</p><p>“It‘s a school night though”, Yoongi remarks to everyone‘s audible annoyance.</p><p>It‘s funny, how the tables have turned. Seokjin remembers the evening Namjoon had first introduced him to his rival-to-lyricist-to-roommate-to-best-friend. They got high bundled up on the kitchen floor and Yoongi ended up kind of just lying there, face down, mumbling about <em>the system </em>that needed to be crushed and society imploding and about the revolution awakening in the shadows of the posh schools and universities waiting for a chance to rearrange the world. Maybe it was just the weed but Seokjin thought he was the coolest person he had ever met back then for about twenty whole minutes. After that, he had started talking about how his ex-girlfriend in Daegu had torn his heart to pieces and how love was dead and as soon as the first teardrops hit the floor Seokjin decided it was time for him to leave with the leftovers of the pizza they‘d ordered.</p><p>But even the crying episode couldn‘t have prepared him for Yoongi turning into the most responsible person in the household. He aced adulting (real adulting-adulting, the reading novels before heading to bed at eleven a.m. and meal prepping kind of adulting) to an extent it felt a bit like living with his mom again. It‘s a bit concerning, really.</p><p>“Yah, you sound like a grandpa! I don‘t get how you can write those brutal diss tracks about the tough life when you‘re literally the most boring person ever. You don‘t know anything about real hip-hop, Yoongi.”</p><p>“I‘m aging gracefully, hyung. And my songs don‘t have to be authentic. They just need to suit the kids paying for them. And it <em>is </em>a school night.”</p><p>“I know, but it‘s fine. You know I can hold my liquor. And it‘s not like the kids will judge me”, Hoseok counters, already on his feet.</p><p>Yoongi sighs in defeat and abandons his newest hit to follow his boyfriend into the tiny kitchen. They return with a bottle of cheap wine and the fancy glasses Yong-sun got them after they had invited her over for the first time. <em>No adult household should lack proper wine glasses, Seokjin-ah.</em> They clank them together without a toast and then Hoseok snuggles up to Yoongi and reads over the messy lyrics in the notebook nibbling on his drink.</p><p>“Whoa, these are so good! How is it even possible to come up with bars like that? I‘m dating the most talented guy in the industry.”</p><p>Yoongi‘s whole face melts into a single gummy smile at the compliment and he buries his head into his boyfriend‘s neck for a moment before he starts pointing out the parts he‘s not really happy with yet and Hoseok follows his pen with critical eyes and they look all caught up in their little bubble of blissful domesticity. Content and happy and <em>disgusting</em>. As if putting up with Jimin and Taehyung‘s grand romance throughout his formative years hadn‘t been bad enough.</p><p>Seokjin exes his wine and then plays the next video in their group chat. It‘s a close up of Jungkook‘s face. His cheeks are flushed red from the alcohol and he is giggling with his nose scrunched up. Adorable.</p><p><em>“Jungkook-sshi, why don‘t you thank Seokjin-hyung for the roses?”, </em>Jimin asks from behind the camera and zooms out of Jungkook‘s face to reveal the deep red bouquet in his arms. He got the delivery notification around five in the afternoon, right before he left the library to meet up with his study group, but it‘s still nice to get the visual confirmation of the flowers really having arrived in time. <em>Good job, Seokjin. Impeccable timing, as always. </em></p><p>
  <em>“Thank you, Seokjin-hyung!”</em>
</p><p>Jungkook grins into the camera and forms a heart with his thumb and index finger.</p><p>
  <em>“That all you have to say?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Uhm…no? They‘re so pretty. I love them. Best flowers ever. Thank you, hyung!”</em>
</p><p>He‘s tipsy enough to fall into a little lisp and that sends Jimin and Taehyung cackling. Seokjin catches himself smiling too as a completely unfazed Jungkook buries his whole face in the roses like they‘re a stuffed animal.</p><p><em>“I think it‘s time to </em>give back <em>now, Kookie. You should, you know, perform something to show how grateful you are for having the best hyungs in the world.”</em></p><p><em>“Yes, definitely. It‘s essential to perform something. It‘s a part of the Coming of Age Ceremony. Everyone knows that”</em>, Taehyung explains, voice serious enough to make Jungkook look up, eyes huge and mouth agape. Seokjin can practically see the wheels in his head turning.</p><p>
  <em>“Perform? But, like, what?”</em>
</p><p>The older boys audibly struggle to repress their evil giggles and Yugyeom asks them to stop tormenting Jungkook halfheartedly, but they just shush him. They truly deserve each other. Both of them are demons.</p><p>The footage ends there and Seokjin is lowkey braced for a questionable drunk I.U. or Charlie Puth rendition when the next video starts with Jungkook moving the low table out of the way and positioning himself in the middle of their small living room. But then the music starts and before he can even identify the song as Park Ji Yoon‘s <em>Coming of Age Ceremony</em> Jungkook is already <em>slut dropping </em>and it only goes downhill from there.</p><p>He looks completely immersed in the song, too focused on the steps of the choreo to care for his hysterical friends. The camera shakes, swings to Jimin‘s curled up form trembling with laughter and to Yugyeom who looks equal parts horrified and amused peeking through his fingers. Then back to Jungkook body-rolling his way through the refrain. He rips his sweatshirt off and everyone around him starts whooping.</p><p>Wow. So that‘s how today‘s young adults spend their free time. Seokjin could‘ve done without this knowledge. And without the sight of their maknae biting his bottom lip in concentration as he grinds down on the floor. <em>Shit.</em></p><p>The music makes Hoseok perk up and crawl over the couch still nursing his almost empty glass. Seokjin who can‘t seem to tear his eyes from the cursed video can feel his jaw drop as soon as he catches a glimpse of his phone screen.</p><p>“Seokjin-aaah”, he clicks his tongue and gives him a little push, “Who is this mesmerizing young man with the killer moves?”</p><p>He must have drunk that wine too fast. It‘s pathetic how one single glass can make him dizzy enough to need two goes at finding his voice.</p><p>“That‘s- khm, that‘s Jungkook.”</p><p>“No way!”</p><p>Hoseok sounds genuinely shocked and Seokjin can imagine his mouth turning into a triangle in confusion, eyes widening to the size of saucers. He still can‘t look at him though. Too busy taking in Jungkook‘s unreal proportions. Who would‘ve thought he was hiding those arms and that waist and that <em>ass </em>under those horrible, oversized hoodies? How can anybody even have a figure like that?</p><p>“Yoongi-yah! Come, look at Jungkook!”, he yells into Seokjin‘s ear. Then softer:</p><p>“The way you talk about him I always thought he was twelve, hyung.”</p><p>“How could you think he was twelve when Seokjin-hyung using up his precious leave to attend his graduation and take him out to eat jajangmyeon was <em>the</em> running gag for three whole months last year?”, Yoongi asks as he makes his way over to them.</p><p>“It was just a figure of speech. Could‘ve been elementary or middle school graduation too. I always thought he was all cute and innocent and, like, just overall a <em>baby</em>, you know? But he‘s <em>ripped</em>! And hot!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hi, Hyung!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just wanted to thank you again for coming to my graduation ceremony. It was so nice to see you, although you were right - green isn‘t your color. And your hair still looks really bad. I don‘t really have any news. I‘ve reached 6k followers on my art Insta. I guess I‘m famous now. Basically an influencer. Hah. Starting university and moving in with Jimin and Tae is stressful, but in an exciting way, but we‘ve already talked about that, so I won‘t go into the details. I hope you‘re doing okay!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Jungkook</em>
</p><p>
  <em>p.s.: I listened to Namjoon‘s new track. You were right, it‘s dope.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>p.p.s: Mina is <span class="u">not</span> my girlfriend. I‘m not even sure we‘re dating. I haven‘t even kissed her yet. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Jungkook smirks into the camera. Then he grabs his crotch and rolls his hips and lets his tongue dance over his lips. It‘s all very sexual and obscene and awful. Then Taehyung zooms in on his abs showing through the too-tight white undershirt. Fuck him.</p><p>“Damn. He really is. You never told us, hyung.”</p><p>They do have a point. He really is. And Seokjin‘s body is reacting in ways it really shouldn‘t. It must be the alcohol and the embarrassingly long period of voluntary celibacy. Seokjin needs to stop it. Like, right now. His friends were right. He needs to get laid. ASAP.</p><p>After taking one final look at Jungkook‘s sinful, dancing form (<em>cursedcursedcursed</em>), he closes the tab ignoring Hoseok‘s loud protests, and promptly slides into Jinyoung‘s dms.   </p><p>*</p><p>It takes about a week of texting back and forth to meet - and hook up with Jinyoung. And about two weeks of more or less sincere apologies and the ceremonial destruction of the cursed footage for Jungkook to forgive Jimin and Taehyung for taking advantage of his wasted state. Seokjin knows this because Jungkook calls him just to announce that they are officially on friendly terms again and that he decided not to move out after all. He also asks him to please never ever mention the video again and to try to repress everything he saw and Seokjin is too eager to promise he will. He wishes he could.</p><p>Jinyoung turns out to be the perfect temporary fix. He‘s handsome and smart and great in bed. And uncomplicated. Seokjin appreciates how he is up for fucking him whenever he asks him to and for keeping him company when all of his friends decide to leave the city for a few weeks in the summer, but he doesn‘t want to get too close on an emotional level. With his last few bachelor exams coming up he really isn‘t in the right mindset to enter a less superficial romantic or sexual arrangement.</p><p>
  <em>“You‘ll end up getting together for real eventually. Friends with benefits always do.”</em>
</p><p>Yong-sun is wrong about the friends with benefits part. They‘d have to be friends for that. And they aren‘t really, even if they do get together to study for the law school entrance exam on a regular basis and spend the night at each other‘s places without having sex from time to time. Because the overwhelming amount of Latin phrases and paragraphs is a real boner killer and time flies by when one is contemplating throwing his dreams out of the window.</p><p>
  <em>“Nah, they‘ll get together for real, because they are both homely workaholics. Too lazy to go out and actually find someone else and too old-fashioned to sleep around. They‘ll just spend the rest of their student lives stuck with each other.” </em>
</p><p>Just to prove Yoongi wrong, Seokjin installs a trashy dating app on the train on his way back from Jimin‘s birthday party in Busan.</p><p>He ends up sleeping with two guys (both of them matches resulting out of Moonbyul and Hoseok taking over the swiping part) in the course of the next three weeks. Seokjin doesn‘t really find any of them exciting enough to get to know better and the sex kind of sucks, because one-time things are apparently bound to be awkward and too short to teach his partners what he likes and what doesn‘t really do anything for him. Or maybe he‘s just too polite for his own good. Whatever the case, he deletes the app as soon as one-night stand number two says his goodbye and thanks him for making breakfast.</p><p>[Okay, so he is probably too much of a gentleman to be hooking up with fleeting online acquaintances without feeding them his worldwide omelets. No big deal. Doesn‘t prove anything.]</p><p>The next time they are lying between his sheets after another A plus session he asks Jinyoung if he‘s seeing other people too and decides to take this whole thing to the next level when he shakes his head with a barely audible <em>why are you asking?</em>  Because just maybe Yoongi‘s right about him after all. Maybe Seokjin really does hate the idea of fucking his way through an army of frogs when he could just settle for the prince already in his bed. The metaphor makes him cringe but he doesn‘t back down.</p><p>
  <em>“Well, I‘m not really seeing anyone else either. And I was just thinking that I could, like, take you out on a date sometime. On a real one.”</em>
</p><p>Jinyoung doesn‘t answer right away. Which is fine. Seokjin would understand if he bailed on him after this proposition. They were just fine without real dates for five months after all. Netflix and chill doesn‘t count. And it‘s not like they‘re in love. Do people who aren‘t in love even go on dates after having had sex with each other? Is he making this weird?</p><p>
  <em>“I‘d like that.”</em>
</p><p>Oh. Okay. Cool.</p><p>
  <em>“Okay.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay.”</em>
</p><p>And just like that, they are dating. Only semi-officially though. They both prefer to keep it lowkey and decide to go on without labels. Introducing each other to their friends by their full names, without adding further explanations. It‘s still uncomplicated and easy and <em>nice</em>. Not in the way being with Namjoon had been nice, but still comfortable enough. Watching dramas and going to the concerts Yoongi gets free tickets to and practicing their answers for the summer internship interviews they both apply for. Fucking a lot. Avoiding deep talk and keeping their childhood memories [like watching his father walk out of his life and doe-eyed baby Jungkook pushing his dinosaur plushie into his arms to cheer him up] to themselves. Yes, it‘s nice enough.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So, he‘s your new boyfriend.”</em>
</p><p>“No, Jimin-ah, he‘s the guy I‘m having this <em>thing</em> with. We‘re not boyfriends, we‘re just, you know, chilling and studying and sleeping with each other. Exclusively.”</p><p>
  <em>“Hyung, this is literally the definition of a relationship!”</em>
</p><p>Explaining the nature of their relationship to Jimin through a video call over a bowl of ramyun is more complicated than expected. He didn‘t sign up for this.</p><p>“No. Relationships are about… <em>feelings</em> and shit.”</p><p>
  <em>“So you‘re telling me you‘ve been fucking this guy for half a year without catching feelings?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, thank God, he finally seems to get it. </em>
</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>
  <em>“But that doesn‘t make any sense! You can‘t just waste your time on someone you don‘t care about!”</em>
</p><p>Jimin throws his head back against the headboard so dramatically that Taehyung‘s old red cap falls off revealing the greasy nest of platin blonde hair he‘d been trying to cover up for the call. Seokjin would love to comment on it, but he knows better than to change the topic. Jimin had been outraged over the fact that he‘d had to find out about Jinyoung through a Hobi-Insta-story.</p><p>“I do care about Jinyoung. He‘s a really nice guy. I like him. And he likes me too. We‘re just… not <em>in love</em> and that‘s okay, sometimes people are together for pragmatical reasons, Jimin-sshi.”</p><p>Someone should really give him an award for being so patient already.</p><p>
  <em>“Okay, but -“</em>
</p><p>He‘s interrupted by Jungkook‘s groan. He looks up from the sketch he‘s been working on (probably for his Insta account) in the bed next to Jimin and looks ready to explode.</p><p>
  <em>“Can‘t you just fucking let it go? It‘s literally none of your business and hyung is old enough to decide who he wants to… who he wants to fuck and what he wants to label whatever they have. Not everyone is lucky enough to get a fucking fairytale.”</em>
</p><p>He‘s worked up enough to slip into his Busan dialect and Seokjin and Jimin both freeze at the sudden outburst. Seokjin is one hundred percent sure that the situation is about to escalate, but Jimin just turns to the boy and blinks a few times before turning back to the camera and fixing his cap.</p><p>
  <em>“Right. Sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to be rude. Kookie‘s right. As long as you‘re happy, I support it.”</em>
</p><p>Jimin letting the disrespectful behavior slide and <em>apologizing </em>for being a little shit is terrifying. It goes against everything Seokjin believes in, but he figures that Jungkook must be having a harder time about his recent break-up than he let him in on. That would explain the sulking and his absence in the group chat. Seokjin thought he was just too busy planning his stay in Germany, but the poor kid was probably all heart-broken over that girl from his old high school. And it went over his head. He‘s the worst. Lately always too caught up in his own shenanigans, he needs to make up for it. So he decides to join in on pretending nothing happened and stirs the conversation to nicer topics.</p><p>He asks about Taehyung‘s new job at the small antiquary shop and about the details of Jungkook‘s fancy scholarship.</p><p>“You should come visit me before Berlin, Kookie.”</p><p>
  <em>“I was planning on seeing you. I‘m flying there from Seoul, so I figured you‘d treat me to a goodbye meal or something, being a decent hyung and all.”</em>
</p><p>“No, I mean, like, a proper visit, not just meeting up before your flight. You could stay at my place for a few days and we could go out and eat and do some sightseeing - I‘ll even show you Seoul‘s nightlife.”</p><p>
  <em>“Hyung, aren‘t you too old to go out clubbing? What if they don‘t let you in?”</em>
</p><p>“Yah, I‘m trying to be nice for once, stop testing my limits! They‘ll let me in because someone needs to babysit you.”</p><p>Jungkook smiles a little and nods then.</p><p><em>“Alright. But I‘m only coming so someone can babysit </em>you<em>, hyung. You need supervision.”</em></p><p>[Jimin feels left out and mistreated and whines about everyone neglecting his feelings until Seokjin invites him and Tae to join them on the weekend before the flight too. Demons.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jungkook arrives at his apartment one week before his planned departure to Berlin at seven in the morning. Seokjin had offered to pick him up at the airport, of course, however, Jungkook had argued that taking the subways would be faster and he was right. Seokjin didn‘t expect him to show up that early and it does throw his plan of welcoming him with the perfect blueberry pancakes off, but by eight all necessary introductions have been made and the four of them are all gathered around the table in the living room.</p><p>“So, how did you guys meet?”, Jungkook asks taking another bite of the French toast Seokjin has whipped up for them. He already knows the answer, of course, because Seokjin told the story to everyone he knows, but he can‘t blame Jungkook for wanting to hear the firsthand rendition.</p><p>His roommate moans into the <em>#1 favorite teacher </em>cup he had claimed as his because of its enormous size, but Hoseok is more than happy to gush over how lost Yoongi had looked in the pole dance studio and how he had tried to flee when he realized his birthday present wasn‘t a goat-yoga coupon after all.</p><p>“But then he saw me working the pole and I guess it did something to him, because he decided to give it a try after all, and -”</p><p>“Can‘t we just skip to the part where you asked me out?”, Yoongi asks weakly, but they ignore him, of course.</p><p>“And then he tried to <em>impress</em> me with a fucking <em>air invert</em> and his shoulder just popped out of its socket! In retrospect it was <em>hilarious</em>, but he scared the living shit out of me. He tried to play it cool, but he was obviously in pain, so I gave him a ride to the hospital and held his hand when that sadistic nursed popped the shoulder back and here we are now.”</p><p>“You forgot the part where you asked me out because I was the least talented and yet hottest student you‘ve ever had.”</p><p>“Right. That happened too.”</p><p>“It‘s the most crucial part of the story. And yet you never tell it. You‘re awful.”</p><p>“Awww, don‘t be so grumpy about it, everyone knows you were the hottest student I‘ve ever had. Just look at you. You had at me <em>excuse me, but where are the goats</em>!”</p><p>Yoongi gives a sorrowful dying whale sound, but he doesn‘t protest when Hoseok kisses his cheek and Seokjin catches Jungkook grinning at them over his empty plate. They go back to chatting about Hoseok’s exciting double life as a preschool teacher by day and pole dance instructor by night and Berlin and their plans for the week and it‘s all so easy and so very domestic. He is relieved that Jungkook feels so at ease with his friends - he can still remember the times he could barely talk in the presence of strangers, let alone show his real colors aka the annoying pain in the ass brat he truly was.</p><p>That doesn‘t seem to be a problem now since he decides to sneak behind Seokjin‘s chair and drape himself over his back like a koala. He hooks his chin over Seokjin‘s shoulder and opens his mouth wide. Seokjin tries to shoo him away, but he only chuckles and it‘s too early to fight him off forcefully, so he gives in and feeds him the rest of his syrup-soaked French toast. Jungkook hums happily and Seokjin is about to shake him off so he can drink his tea in peace when a very disoriented Jinyoung Seokjin had completely forgotten about tumbles out of his bedroom.</p><p>He is wearing his suit from the day before and rocking a ruffled bedhead and it should be illegal to look this good so early in the morning and Seokjin feels really bad about letting his presence slip his mind.</p><p>“Good morning, Jinyoung-ah!”, Hoseok chirps in his usual sunshiny tone, already filling the Disney‘s Snow White cup and Jinyoung grimaces at his loud voice.</p><p>“‘Morning.”</p><p>He reaches for the cup in Hoseok‘s hand blindly and gulps down about two-thirds of the coffee in one go before prying his eyes open and letting them wander across the room. When his gaze settles on Jungkook who is still clinging to Seokjin, he shots him a questioning look.</p><p>“Did I miss something?”</p><p>Jungkook‘s embrace tightens around him, but he doesn‘t show any instance of introducing himself, so Seokjin does it for him.</p><p>“Jinyoung-ah, this is Jungkook.”</p><p>“Oh. The Instagram guy! Hi.”</p><p>Jungkook doesn‘t respond until Seokjin pinches his arm.</p><p>“Hi. Nice to meet you.”</p><p>Jinyoung just nods and it‘s silent for a few seconds, but then he exes the rest of his coffee and puts on the fake smile he uses when he is too exhausted to actually socialize and asks Jungkook some generic questions, like how his flight had been and if he likes Seoul and the vibe lightens up.</p><p>“Jinyoung-ah, there‘s more French toast in the kitchen, in case you want some.”</p><p>He just offers out of habit - he knows Jinyoung would never eat anything as greasy and sugary as French toast and the way his face twists in disgust makes Seokjin grin.</p><p>“No, thanks, I‘ll pass. I‘ll just grab something on my way to the office.”</p><p><em>The</em> <em>office </em>being Jinyoung‘s uncle‘s law firm. Seokjin would gladly sell a kidney for his connections, but he would rather die than accept his offer of a midterm-break-internship.   </p><p>“Okay. But I‘m just saying, you should appreciate my cooking skills a lot more. Making them was a real <em>pain.</em>”</p><p>Nobody but him laughs at the genius pun, but he can feel Jungkook‘s chest vibrating against his back. He clears his throat and asks Seokjin if he can get himself another serving. Then he gives him a final squeeze and lets go to disappear into the kitchen.</p><p>“I need to get going. I‘ll call you in the evening, okay?”</p><p>He just nods and gives Jinyoung the tiniest peck of a kiss, because public display of affection isn‘t really their thing, but he is also aware of the fact that he won‘t be seeing a lot of him this upcoming week and letting him go without one wouldn‘t fit the <em>dating-for-real</em> narrative.  </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>They make a list of all the restaurants they want to try out and work their way to the bottom of it. They visit the museum of modern and contemporary art and Jungkook posts about twenty stories and they go hiking on Achasan mountain and document their journey with ugly selcas and they spend the evenings playing Mario Kart and talking about the past and present and future (and Mina, but only very briefly, because Jungkook insists he‘s fine with the way things ended between them and Seokjin isn‘t keen on rubbing salt into the wounds) and meeting up with Seokjin‘s friend. Jinyoung joins them twice.</p><p>The days fly by too fast.</p><p>He picks Jimin and Taehyung up at the airport on Friday. Watching them put on their likable personas and wrap all of his Seoul-friends around their pinkies is a bit annoying, but at least Jungkook is there to roll his eyes with him when they pretend to be all nice and sweet and they place bets on how long they can keep the angelic act up.</p><p>Seokjin wins - Yoongi fits Jimin‘s victim profile too perfectly. By lunchtime on Saturday he is already having a blast bullying him, Taehyung joining in with that mischievous grin people who don‘t know him well enough could mistake for genuine affection. Hoseok is having the time of his life watching his boyfriend put up with the maknae line and Yong-sun is enthusiastic about the prospect of clubbing with Jimin and Moonbyul and Tae bond over being <em>soft Capricorns with big dick energy</em> and it‘s actually very reassuring to see his two worlds merge together. Seokjin always imagined a meeting like this feeling more like a collision - his past and presence negating each other and leaving him a stranger to both timelines. Turns out that he let his mask slip long ago and his friends actually like him for himself. It‘s kind of an overwhelming realization, but a nice one, so he tries not to get too emotional about it. Jimin‘s right. He‘s an awfully embarrassing individual.</p><p>They do squeeze in some bar-hopping but end up skipping the clubbing part to go to yet another one of the endless string of parties at Jackson‘s house instead.</p><p>“Don‘t worry, Jungkook-ah, once you‘ve been to a Jackson Wang party you‘ve seen everything Seoul‘s night scene can offer”, Moonbyul assures him in the train and everyone agrees, because it‘s true.</p><p>The party itself is a haze of too loud music, flashing spotlights, body shots, and fruit-scented foam. Seokjin loses his friends about twenty minutes in and spends the rest of the night waddling through the bubbles and collecting them all again.</p><p>He sobers up too quickly to find Yoongi‘s and Jackson‘s improvised rap battle anything but cringey, but he‘s happy to find the rest of them having fun in socially acceptable ways they probably won‘t regret by tomorrow: Yong-sun and Hobi dancing on the sticky beer pong table, Jungkook and Moonbyul trying to recover from one of Jackson‘s brutal Chinese drinking games with a bunch of other smashed students on the kitchen floor and Jimin and Taehyung making out in the washroom to absolutely no one‘s surprise, because their social skills tend to just kind of <em>die</em> as soon as they‘re drunk enough to stop pretending to care about the rest of the world. It‘s disgusting, really. But when he finds them, he feels like a proud mother hen who finally managed to tuck each one of her chicks under her wings. His heart swells as he ushers his happy, drunk babies into the cab.</p><p>Getting them home in one piece is a different story.</p><p>Being the only functioning adult for once in his life Seokjin decides that nobody‘s in the right constitution to be left alone (he shouldn‘t have watched that awful true crime video about the drugged girl who wandered into the freezer of the hotel she celebrated her birthday at, but oh well, it‘s too late to judge himself for bad late-night study break choices), so he opts for a spontaneous sleepover. He shushes the girls‘ giggles and shrieks and navigates them into the living room while drag-carrying Jungkook‘s slack and very, very heavy body and looking over his shoulder every few seconds to make sure his roommates and demonic guests are still following them.</p><p>Dropping Jungkook on his bed is easy enough. He leaves him there with a glass of water and gets down to business then.</p><p>Hands out water glasses and pajama substitutes, helps with removing lenses and earrings, folds out the ugly ass mattresses Namjoon had picked up at a garage sale years ago, and keeps reminding everyone around him to please keep the volume down. The whole ordeal gives him major kindergarten vibes. It‘s understandable that Hoseok uses every opportunity he gets to get wasted. Being surrounded by helpless kids all day must be hell. Just like fighting his way through setting up the pull-out sofa for the girls proves to be.</p><p>Drunk Yoongi is of no help, hands literally full of his boyfriend who‘s been whisper-shouting into his ear about bedrooms and lap dances and less appropriate offers for about fifteen minutes now, but can‘t seem to get up to actually make any of the promises happen (<em>thank God for that</em>) and Yong-sun‘s and Jimin‘s conversation about the origins of the name of pull-out couches doesn't help the procedure either. He is trying his best to ignore them, but it‘s not that easy with the two of them joining forces to drive him mad.</p><p>“Pull-out and pulling out, get it? Oh, come on, Seokjin-ah, it‘s basically a pun! Why aren‘t you laughing? Jimin-sshi, do you think that Seokjin hates me?”</p><p>“Aw, no, noona, of course not, he‘s just too much of a prude to appreciate your jokes. Ignore him. He doesn‘t even deserve to hear them.”</p><p>He‘s too good to them. They don‘t deserve him. But he can‘t let them sleep on the floor, so he fights the urge to just bail on them and gets the extra pillows and blankets from the other bedroom. Brings some wet wipes for Yong-sun and asks her to please stop trying to rub Moonbyul‘s waterproof eyeliner off, because it‘s definitely for the better that she‘s been out cold since they entered the apartment and makes sure Yoongi manages to maneuver Hoseok into their bed. Tucks them all in before turning the kitchen lights on to prevent any accidents and returning to his own room. Ready to collapse and sleep for a hundred years.</p><p>Until he remembers Jungkook. Sweet, unproblematic Jungkook who‘s still sitting on the edge of the mattress where he left him, empty glass in hand, unfocused eyes fixed on the pink carpet.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, no. </em>
</p><p>“Kookie? Are you okay?”</p><p>He looks up at Seokjin and nods, but it‘s a very uncertain nod and all at once, Seokjin feels awful about not checking up on him sooner. Honestly, he doesn‘t deserve to compare himself to a hen. No good hen would forget about her fluffiest baby.</p><p>“Are you sure? Are you going to get sick? Want me to get you a bucket?”</p><p>“No, ‘m fine. Just a bit dizzy. ‘s okay, hyung.”</p><p><em>Thank God. </em>He‘s not sure he could handle a throwing-up episode.</p><p>So, what now?</p><p>He finds himself swaying in place, suddenly unsure of everything he ever knew about handling drunk friends. Weird. Maybe he‘s a bit drunker than thought he was himself and it‘s just kicking in now that he knows everyone else is okay. Well, except for Jungkook, because he seems like he could use a helping hand, but then again, he said he was okay, so-</p><p>“Can I- can I sleep here, hyung?”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>“Yes, of course, you can. That‘s why- did you wait up just so you could ask me that?”</p><p>Jungkook doesn‘t answer, just puts down the glass (places it on the carpet delicately, because apparently reaching over to the nightstand would be too much of an effort) and starts unlacing his sneakers. There‘s a weird tension in the room and Seokjin isn‘t sure how he could make it go away. Huh. Strange. Maybe he should open the window. That will do the trick. Or he could just act like a decent human being and help Jungkook undress since he‘s obviously struggling. Damn. He really is a moron.</p><p>“Aish, come here, let hyung help you.”</p><p>And he lets him. Goes completely limp under his touch as Seokjin strips him off his sweater and unbuttons his jeans and it‘s not weird at all, because friends help each other undress in times of need all the time and he makes Jungkook laugh when he vocalizes his concerns about him being such a ridiculous lightweight despite his scary [and unreal and <em>cursedcursedcursed]</em> muscles and his heart kind of just clenches around itself. In a bad way. He is going to miss him. It‘s a super dumb realization and it shouldn‘t upset him this much, because it‘s not like they see each other in person all that often in Korea. But still. Busan isn‘t an ocean away. Berlin is in a different time zone. There‘ll be eight whole hours between them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hi, Kookie!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was nice seeing you too. But it would‘ve been even nicer if I didn‘t have to find out that you stole both of my favorite hoodies while I was gone. Give them back. You can‘t just go around stealing people‘s clothes. This goes for Taehyung too. Tell him that I want my blue shirt back. Stay happy, always!</em>
</p><p><em>Love,</em> <em>Seokjin</em></p><p>
  <em>p.s.: I‘m always right.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>p.p.s.: You‘ll need to go for it then. You can always just ask her if you can kiss her first, you know. Consent is sexy. I know you have it in you. Make hyung proud.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>Seokjin leaves him sprawled out on the bed like a starfish and puts on the baby pink alpaca pajamas Yoongi got him for his birthday, before joining him.</p><p>Jungkook seems unfazed by him nudging his limbs out of the way and he fails to suppress his content smirk when he manages to grab Seokjin‘s arm and hugs it to his <em>cursedcursedcursed</em> chest like it‘s a plushie. He intertwines their fingers and keeps squeezing his hand in sync with his heartbeat and it‘s all so silly and childish and annoying, but Seokjin is too exhausted to stop him. Being this close is kind of nice anyway. Nice in an uncomfy way, like when Namjoon had fallen asleep with his head in his lap by the Han river and his leg cramped up so bad he thought he was going to die, but he accepted his fate and kept still for forty-seven excruciating minutes. Except that the Han river picnic had been a date and Seokjin had had the biggest crush on Namjoon back then. Maybe it isn‘t the best idea to compare the two experiences after all.</p><p>“Hyung?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Can I say something that you probably don‘t wanna hear and I shouldn‘t say because it‘s really rude and mean?”</p><p>Jungkook is still drawling and he keeps staring at the ceiling with hazy eyes and Seokjin is still not convinced he is really okay.</p><p>“This literally applies to ninety percent of the things you say to me, so go ahead.”</p><p>“I <em>hate </em>Jinyoung and I think that you should break up with him.”</p><p>Oh, wow. He definitely didn’t see that one coming.</p><p>“I see. And why is that?”</p><p>“Because he‘s not <em>nice</em> to you.”</p><p>“What do you mean he‘s not nice to me?”</p><p>Jungkook huffs in frustration.</p><p>“He… he doesn‘t laugh at your jokes.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, no one does, so that‘s not a strong argument. <em>You </em>hate them too!”</p><p>“But he‘s your <em>boyfriend</em> or whatever! He <em>should </em>laugh at them", Jungkook says frowning. "And I don‘t <em>hate</em> them, I just can‘t laugh at them, because that would make you think you‘re actually funny and you are, but I can‘t let you know, you know? But Jinyoung <em>should</em> because that‘s what people you‘re dating are supposed to do. And he never hugs or kisses you and he doesn‘t text you and he‘s always so <em>cold</em> and <em>stiff </em>and acting like he‘s better than everyone else and-”</p><p>Seokjin breaks off his babbling by squeezing his hand back fiercely and pushes himself up on his elbow to look at him.</p><p>“Kookie? It‘s okay. Don‘t work yourself up about it. I see your point. I really do. And it‘s very sweet of you to worry about me, but the thing is that Jinyoung is <em>not </em><em>a nice person per se</em>. As in <em>warm</em> and <em>affectionate</em>. It doesn‘t mean he‘s un-nice though.“</p><p>“Un-nice is not a word.”</p><p>Seokjin is pretty sure that it <em>is</em> a word, but he doesn‘t feel like arguing about it. They don‘t need an Einsteinium-gate 2.0.</p><p>“Yeah, well, neither is trusfrated, but we don‘t bring that one up, do we?”</p><p>It cracks Jungkook up and the tension eases. Seokjin tries to gather his thoughts into coherent sentences before he continues although he‘s quite sure Jungkook is still too gone to care about his verbal abilities and it‘s a good thing because it‘s not that easy to concentrate on defending Jinyoung when the light from the kitchen falls on Jungkook‘s face like that. Illuminating the little scar on his cheek and that tight-lipped smile his mom used to compare to a bunny. Strange, how the knowledge of him moving to a different continent in less than twenty-four hours makes Seokjin pay attention to the little details all of the sudden.</p><p>“He‘s not nicer to anyone else either", he starts. "It‘s just the way he is. Jinyoung‘s the cold-hearted, ruthless prince type, you know? But he still cares about the people in his life. He just doesn‘t show it in ways other people do. And it‘s okay because I‘m actually not that keen on doing coupley stuff with him either. PDA is overrated.”</p><p>“But then why do you need to keep him around? It‘s like dating <em>Boss Baby</em>!”</p><p>“<em>What</em>?”</p><p>“You know, that one movie with the baby who‘s wearing a suit. He looks exactly like him.”</p><p>It‘s such a random comparison and it doesn‘t have the right to be this funny and Seokjin should probably say something to protect Jinyoung‘s dignity. He can‘t though. Because Jungkook is right. He does look an awful lot like the animated character - mean baby face and expensive suit and all and when he thinks about the way Jinyoung‘s eyes light up when he finds something delightful and about his disgusted pout, he simply loses it.</p><p>“Oh my God, you‘re right, he looks exactly like him”, he wheezes out between two laughing fits and he catches himself shedding actual tears at the mental image of a chubby miniature Jinyoung asking him to call him daddy.</p><p>He has no idea how long it takes to stabilize his breathing again, but when he feels steady enough to properly open his eyes again his left hand is still enclosed in Jungkook‘s, pressed over his heart. His face is kind of hovering over Jungkook‘s now and he needs to ask if he‘s still feeling okay because his smile is gone and the way his eyes bore into Seokjin‘s is slightly concerning.</p><p>“Hyung?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>He licks his lips and runs his finger pads over Seokjin‘s knuckles and it‘s probably just a mindless gesture to ground himself, vision still blurry from those stupid strawberry-vodka shots and he‘s probably feeling sick, so it really shouldn‘t make his skin tingle, what kind of horrible -</p><p>“Can I kiss you, hyung?”</p><p>Fuck. He must be even drunker than Seokjin had originally assumed. Poor baby. So, so wasted. And most likely still heartbroken over that girl and in desperate need of sleep. Yes, he should let him rest.</p><p>[And stop wondering about what kissing him would feel like and about whether he‘d taste like strawberries. <em>Cursedcursedcursed</em> thoughts. He‘s such a horrible hyung. Who could even think of such things when their friend is <em>obviously </em>having a <em>really </em>hard time and must be<em> miserable</em>?]</p><p>He rips his hand out of his grip and jumps up to open the window again.</p><p>“Oh, Kookie! You‘re completely out of it! But it‘s okay. Are you sure you don‘t need me to get you anything else? Let‘s drink another glass of water. Ssshh, don‘t speak, just drink up, okay? It‘s fine, hyung‘s got you. You should try to get some sleep. You can‘t fly to Germany like this. I‘ll close the window in a second and then I‘ll get you some <em>more </em>water and then you can go to sleep and I‘ll make hangover breakfast and - ”</p><p>Jungkook rolls over onto his side and Seokjin decides it‘s safe to assume he had fallen asleep because it‘s just natural that he would, drunk as he is. And he is in the stable lateral position. Perfect. He drapes a thin blanket over him and refills the glass and gets a bucket from the bathroom just to be safe.</p><p>Then he lies down on the very edge of the mattress, careful not to disturb (and not to touch) Jungkook, and spends the rest of the night breathing in sync with a dumb lotus-GIF he finds on a meditation website. Maybe they should simply cancel drinking in general.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading, have a lovely day!</p><p>(Kudos and nice comments are greatly appreciated ^^)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungkook is twenty when he first realizes that no matter how hard he tries, he‘ll never really get over Seokjin. It is an upsetting thing to realize when one should be having the time of their life, but it really shouldn‘t come as a surprise.</p><p> </p><p>(get ready for: JK‘s Berlin adventures and A+ coping skills; Seokjin‘s civil procedures crises; some light angst; sappy phone calls and sappy art; mono getting the appreciation it deserves; vminkook discovering the wonders of Vienna and everyone getting tired of jinkook being oblivious)</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I‘m back with another chapter of Jinkook being oblivious idiots in love - this time in Berlin and Vienna. I hope you‘ll have fun reading it!<br/>(See the end notes for the explanations of the German words and abbreviations you might not be familiar with - mainly food, because I have lots of headcanons about JK being a fan of European street food.)</p><p>(and thank you so much for the kudos, comments and bookmarks - they make me very, very happy!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>III.</p><p>Jungkook is twenty when he first realizes that no matter how hard he tries, he‘ll never really get over Seokjin. It is an upsetting thing to realize when one should be having the time of their life, but it really shouldn‘t come as a surprise considering he has spent the last six years drowning in the stardusty pastel pink whirlpool. Because that‘s what loving Seokjin feels like.</p><p>He is lying on the makeshift bed of his tiny studio apartment playing <em>C.o.D.</em> when Seokjin calls him out of the blue. For the first time since he had arrived in Berlin - well, for the second time, technically speaking, but his birthday doesn‘t count. And seeing his name appear on the screen really shouldn‘t turn Jungkook‘s whole body into a single ball of twitching nerves and cramped up muscles, but it does, because they haven‘t exactly been on the best terms since <em>the night of the drunk almost kiss</em>.</p><p>Sometimes Jungkook still feels the urge to rip his tongue out with his bare hands and stuff it down his throat so he can just fucking suffocate and be gone when he thinks about it. But it‘s getting better. It only took him about half a year of avoiding one on one conversations with Seokjin and living in a foreign city on a foreign continent across the globe to not feel like throwing up whenever those humiliating images flood his memory. He‘s coping like a pro.</p><p>In retrospect, it was him who made it all weird. Seokjin had gracefully slipped over the whole incident.</p><p>The morning after he got up early without waking Jungkook and made breakfast sandwiches and pancakes for the whole house. He smiled at Jungkook and asked him if he was feeling better when he mustered up the courage to leave the safety of the cozy, alcohol- and shame-drenched blanket fort he had built around himself while he was hyperventilating over his almost-confession and Seokjin‘s definite-rejection.</p><p>Jungkook couldn‘t bear to look at him, so he kept his gaze fixated on the aspirin Yoongi had silently placed on the desk for him and didn‘t answer the question. He felt worse than ever before. He needed to get out. Away from Seokjin and his stupid egg and bacon stuffed sandwiches and lavender-scented alpaca pajamas. But he couldn‘t, because Seokjin, being the amazing, exemplary hyung he had always been, insisted on borrowing his mom‘s car to drive Jungkook to the airport and gave him a goodbye hug.</p><p>[It was just a tad too short and too cold compared to the one he had welcomed him with, but it still <em>broke</em> Jungkook.]</p><p><em>“Take care, Kookie! Have a safe flight and send me a postcard when you land!”</em> </p><p>Jungkook could have hugged him back, of course. He probably should have. But he froze and felt like <em>dying</em>, so he didn‘t. Seokjin probably didn‘t even realize it, because he pulled back too soon without even giving Jungkook the chance to really ease into the embrace, and in the next second, he had already stepped back to let Jimin and Taehyung, who had tagged along despite their awful hangovers, tackle him. Their eyes met over Jimin‘s shoulder and Seokjin gave him a tight, watery smile and a little wave…</p><p>… and that was the moment Jungkook‘s heart cracked in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Then he found himself buckled up in a tiny airplane seat. High above the skies on his way to Berlin. Just like that. He had zoned out too hard to register going through the security gates or boarding the plane or selecting the <em>creepy stalker mixtape </em>Spotify playlist, but there he was now. Listening to it and hating himself and Seokjin and Jackson Wang and his disgusting vodka shots. And the withering roses with their sharp thorns, tearing his lungs to pieces.</p><p>He texted the <em>Hadong-squad </em>group chat while he was waiting for his suitcases and sent them a picture of the Berlin-Brandenburg airport and one of his grinning post-fifteen-hours-flight-self. Then some of the shaky city-snapshots he took from the cab‘s window and later that day, after having had lunch with his father‘s friend who had helped them find an affordable place to stay at and arrange the details of the rental agreement from afar, a short room tour video of the single-room-kitchenette-bathroom studio apartment. A very short one. Probably the shortest one ever, since the whole place was <em>tiny</em>.</p><p>Taehyung‘s reaction was ecstatic - Jungkook wasn‘t really sure if romanticizing the poor art student lifestyle was the way to go, but it was still reassuring that at least one of his friends found it nice enough to announce wanting to visit him. Seokjin sent a star-eyed emoji and a thumbs up and Jungkook figured that limiting their communication to a non-verbal level was in their best interest, so he sent back the sleepy emoji. He then proceeded to call Yugyeom to tell him all about his first day in Berlin and nothing at all about his last night in Seoul. Because Jungkook was determined to repress <em>everything </em>that had happened. He was going to get over Seokjin. For real this time.</p><p>It was easier than expected. Almost too easy - that probably should have been alarming, but Jungkook was satisfied with his quick progress and way too busy exploring his new home and growing his hair out and streaming live painting sessions on his twitch channel and drinking an excessive amount of beer at random house parties and devoting ninety percent of his waking hours to impress his new teachers at <em>UdK</em>. He <em>needed </em>them to know how hard he worked. Even if that meant spending hours and hours watching videos about the correct pronunciation of complex B2 German words those university courses he had taken back in Korea didn‘t cover, so he could attend the regular courses too. He didn‘t travel here to be restricted to the ones intended for international students, after all.  There was no time left to actually reflect on unnecessary stuff like <em>feelings.</em></p><p>[He painted another picture of Seokjin though. The third one to be precise. But only because his <em>About Love </em>series was still a favorite amongst his followers - Jungkook did it for them, not for himself. And it wasn‘t like anyone who knew him in real life had a chance of guessing the muse for the abstract oil painting of glossy, monochromatic underwater galaxies and blood-stained petals.]</p><p> </p><p>Jimin insisted on weekly video calls between the four of them. And everyone agreed to squeeze those consistent update sessions into their schedules after his <em>We‘re-all-drifting-apart-and-I‘m-the-only-one-who-cares-</em>outburst. Jungkook appreciated the idea. It offered the perfect opportunity to <em>pretend</em> Seokjin and him were still okay. They still interacted enough to make everyone (themselves included) believe that things weren‘t weird between them even if their private chat had died after Seoul and their eyes never met on the screen.</p><p>It was through one of those calls that Jungkook found out Seokjin had broken up <em>the thing</em> with Jinyoung and that he got into Seoul Law University. He congratulated him and wished him good luck and later during that same call Seokjin voiced his disgust and disappointment over Jungkook taking a job in a <em>vegan </em>café and it almost felt like being back in time. It made him ache all over. Only for a few minutes though. They ended the call shortly after and as soon as Seokjin‘s face went blurry on his laptop screen the tightness in his chest eased too and he took it as another milestone on the way to falling out of love with him. He was basically one step away from freeing himself from Seokjin for good.</p><p>[A few days later (exactly two months and five days after he had landed) Jungkook sent him a postcard to celebrate his progress. The ugliest one he could find, with a picture of the graffiti-covered Berliner wall. <em>Greetings from Germany! </em>No date.]</p><p>The calls got rarer eventually. With Seokjin starting law school, Jimin signing a contract with KNCDC, and Taehyung getting his bachelor of arts and applying to each and every fancy gallery he came over, it was only natural and Jungkook didn‘t really mind. Berlin was exciting enough to take his mind off everything back in Korea. And his ex-roommates still bombarded him with photos and voice mails and there was always a dumb meme to react to in the group chat too, so it wasn‘t like he was <em>losing touch</em>. He was just reducing Seokjin to an irrelevant side character in his story and it was <em>liberating </em>to do so. Like he wasn‘t drowning in him anymore.</p><p> </p><p>That‘s why his hand shouldn‘t be trembling now. Taking a call isn‘t that hard. He‘s probably just too disoriented from the intense <em>C.o.D. </em>shooting session to get the swipe right on the first try.</p><p>“Seokjin-hyung?”</p><p>
  <em>“Hi, Kookie! Are you busy right now? Can we talk?”</em>
</p><p>Okay, so maybe his voice doesn‘t leave Jungkook completely cold. That does not erase the fact that he is basically over him. And it‘s not like he‘s busy - he <em>is </em>invited to a party, but it‘s not like he has to show up on time. People here never do. He learned the hard way. And Seokjin wouldn‘t have called if it wasn‘t important, so why should he lie?</p><p>“Sure, hyung. What do you need?”</p><p>“<em>Well, I- nothing, actually, I just- um, I guess I just missed you and I thought that I could just call you, you know? ‘Cause that‘s what phones are for, so-</em>”</p><p><em>I just missed you. I just missed you. I just </em>missed<em> you. </em></p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Yeah, well, apparently the spaceships missed the whole <em>getting-over-Seokjin-mission</em> because they are back at their fucking Star Wars act. There are tiny explosions in his veins. Seokjin <em>missed him</em>.</p><p>
  <em>“Is that okay?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just missed you, I just missed you, I just missed you, I just -</em>
</p><p>“Yeah. Sure.”</p><p>It goes silent for a few seconds and Jungkook kind of holds the air so he can listen to Seokjin‘s shaky breaths on the other side of the line. And he is back in the glittery whirlpool again.</p><p><em>“Tell me about the vegan food.</em>”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“<em>The food you sell at that edgy hipster café you work at. Just… could you just… list them? And the disgusting substitute ingredients too. Please. Can you- would that be okay?”</em></p><p>Jungkook would probably laugh at the request, but Seokjin‘s voice wavers and the last few words sound muffled, so he complies.</p><p>“Well, there are lots of cakes. Like, vegan avocado brownies and vegan cheesecake made with cashews and rhubarb crumble with- I‘m actually not sure if there are any weird substitutes in that one apart from vegan butter, but I don‘t know what vegan butter‘s made of and-“, he glances at the digital clock of the microwave that‘s built into the kitchenette across the room. 19:30. Fuck.</p><p>“Hyung, are you okay?”</p><p><em>“Why wouldn‘t I be?”,</em> Seokjin asks so softly that Jungkook almost misses it.</p><p>“It‘s like four a.m. in Korea.”</p><p>Silence. He‘s clutching the phone so hard, his fingers start to feel numb. And then Seokjin lets out another shaky exhale and his voice cracks when he tries to answer and Jungkook suddenly hates himself for trying to cut him off.</p><p>
  <em>“Jungkook-ah, do you… do you think that law school really is for me? Don‘t you think that I should maybe just quit and try something easier?”</em>
</p><p>“What the fuck, hyung?! Why would you even ask that?”</p><p><em>“Because-</em> <em> because it feels like no matter how hard I work, it‘s just never gonna cut it, you know? This stupid civil procedures exam is killing me because apparently, I‘m too dumb to become a lawyer. Everyone is so good, you know? And I just- oh my God, I sound so pathetic, I‘m sorry- it‘s just that it feels like I‘m simply not good enough and-“</em></p><p>It hurts to listen to him and Jungkook needs him to stop. Right now.</p><p>“Seokjin-hyung? You‘re literally the smartest person I know, okay?”</p><p><em>“Yeah, well, that‘s because you lived together with Jimin and Tae and they set the bar super low”</em>, he‘d laugh if he couldn‘t picture Seokjin crouched over his books in the dimly lit living room, rubbing at his teary eyes. He can‘t remember seeing him cry since they were children. Except for that one time they watched <em>Up </em>in Hadong-gun. It‘s a scary thing to imagine.</p><p>“No. I mean, yes, they are both idiots, but I‘m not only saying this so you‘ll feel better. I‘m one hundred percent sure you‘re doing great, hyung. You always are. You can do anything you set your mind to. Remember when Taehyung dared you to eat three whole pizzas in one go?”</p><p>Seokjin‘s muffled laugh makes the spaceships start shooting at each other again.</p><p>
  <em>“I was sick for two whole days after that, Kookie.”</em>
</p><p>“Fair, but you still did it, didn‘t you?”</p><p>He doesn‘t answer, but he also doesn‘t sound like he‘s struggling to keep his breathing steady anymore, so Jungkook goes on.</p><p>“And if you have a black-out you can always just charm the examiner into letting you pass!”</p><p>Fuck. That was probably too soon. But Seokjin laughs, albeit bitterly.</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, Kookie, I couldn‘t! I‘m literally too stressed out to put my lenses in these days.  I‘m wearing my glasses all the time now. I look horrible.”</em>
</p><p>He tries to trigger the <em>night-of-the-almost-kiss-</em>memory to stop himself from saying anything he could regret, but his mouth doesn‘t cooperate.</p><p>“You look cute with your glasses on.”</p><p>There‘s a short pause and Jungkook is ready to smash his head against the wall for being so fucking dumb. Then Seokjin sighs and chuckles and he melts.</p><p><em>“Yeah, you‘re right, I guess that‘s true”, </em>pause. And then, barely audibly:</p><p><em>“I‘ve missed you so much, Kookie. I‘m sorry I‘ve been so absent these last few months. I‘m awful. But my social skills are getting worse and worse. I technically live at the library and I hate it here. Sometimes Yoongi and I run into each other in the morning or when he stays up working late too and I see Hoseok in passing, but that‘s about it. I can‘t remember the last time I saw any of my friends or mom or </em>anyone<em>. I‘m sorry I haven‘t called you. I‘m the worst. I watch your streams all the time though.”</em></p><p>He‘s drowning again. But it‘s nice.</p><p>“You - you do?”</p><p>
  <em>“Of course. You look so silly in those printed masks. But the paintings aren‘t that bad. And I like your hair too.”</em>
</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>He knows he sounds like a broken record player, but he can‘t stop himself from asking. Just to make sure. And to double up the serotonin boost.</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah. I mean, you do look like a hooligan from some bad 90s drama, but not necessarily in a bad way, you know?”</em>
</p><p>“Well, you look like the protagonist‘s rival from some bad 90s drama, hyung! The heartless, possessive rich guy everyone hates. But not necessarily in a bad way, you know?”</p><p>And just like that, they‘re back to normal. They spend the next hour or so bickering and comparing Korean and German street food and as Jungkook listens to Seokjin fall asleep on the other side of the world, he feels like he‘s fourteen going on fifteen again. Pressed up against Seokjin. Listening to Mariah Carey and the rain and it‘s the most comforting feeling in the world.</p><p>[He feels too giddy to even think of sleeping, so he goes to the party after all and ends up letting one of the girls from his art philosophy class tattoo a crooked smiley on his hand with a sterilized sewing needle.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>There‘s a lot of things Jungkook loves about Berlin, but if he had to pick his top three favorites he would probably go with currywurst, street art, and his new friends.</p><p>He had looked forward to meeting cool new people to hang out with, of course. Abroad study experiences were all about socializing after all. However, finding people to hang out with wasn‘t exactly the same as making <em>real</em> friends and Jungkook didn‘t expect <em>that</em> to happen, to be honest. He has come a long way from being the shy, awkward kid sitting by himself and shadowing Jimin during recess, but he still thought of himself as the wallflowery observer type who just swayed along most of the time. He still didn‘t like to be perceived by anyone but the few chosen people he felt comfortable enough with to really be seen by. That‘s why he chose to study art. Creation was all about impressions and telling stories without actually having to use words. It was all about being present without being perceived as an actual part of the story.</p><p>Or at least, that‘s what Jungkook used to think. Moving to Europe proved him wrong because art in Berlin wasn‘t quiet at all. It was loud and angry and its creators longed to be seen and heard and felt. All the time. Everywhere, by everyone. And being cracked open by them without the protective veil of the dimly lit alcohol-flavored nights of the city was too intimidating, so he spent most of his daytime alone. Up until the day Sina and Noah entered the picture.</p><p>They sneaked up on Jungkook during his lunch break on a late spring afternoon. He was sitting propped up against his favorite tree on the <em>UdK</em> campus. Contently munching away on his daily kebab sandwich, minding his own business, when the two of them appeared out of the blue and plopped down on either side of him.</p><p>
  <em>“Hi! I‘m Sina. From the dance faculty. And this is my friend Noah. And I know, this is super weird, but we‘ve… been wanting to say hello for a while now?”</em>
</p><p>With his mouth full, he couldn‘t really answer, so he opted for blinking a few times. It was most definitely a strange ice-breaker, but Jungkook was kind of intrigued by the duo. Sina had the kindest smile and little flower clips in her blonde hair and Noah wore a Harry Styles t-shirt and purple nail polish. He was bound to like them.</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, man! We see you around campus all the time and you‘re the only art student who‘s having döner and hot dogs for lunch instead of vegan meal preps and that‘s kind of dope and you just seem like a fun person, you know? But you‘re alone most of the time, so we thought we could stop lurking and just say hi and ask for your name and then, like, maybe have lunch together sometime and become friends, so, uhm, we could hang out. But only if you‘re up for it. You can just say no too, no hard feelings!”</em>
</p><p>Sina grinned and nodded along and Jungkook couldn‘t really turn the offer down, because they both seemed <em>genuinely nice</em> and food was a great thing to bond over, so he introduced himself and before he could realize what was happening, they had already become friends. <em>Real </em>friends<em>. </em>Who met up for Sunday morning brunch and bad movie nights and bubble tea dates and vintage store raids and tagged along to every boring tourist attraction when Yugyeom visited Jungkook in the summer. He grew to love them. A lot. But these days he really regrets telling them about Seokjin.</p><p> </p><p>He didn‘t plan on sharing his epic one-sided love story with anyone in Berlin - or back at home or anywhere in the world for that matter. It was too private and too delicate and too platonic. It was the one silly little secret he had intended to take to the grave. But it bubbled out of him while they were lying on Sina‘s bedroom floor after a game night with some girls she knew from university. Everyone had been going on about their first love stories and Jungkook was foolish enough to believe that he was already over Seokjin back then and being in love with RM‘s ex seemed like a great story to tell to a crew of tipsy hip hop dancers.</p><p>Jungkook had hoped that the not directly RM-related parts of his confession would be forgotten by the next week, but sadly that wasn‘t the case. His friends remember and they can‘t seem to let it go ever since they caught him texting Seokjin during their last <em>Love Island </em>marathon.</p><p>“Okay, so lemme resume. Just to see if I got it right”, Noah starts again before taking a bite of his double cheeseburger. They‘re having dinner in their new favorite restaurant, a greasy 60s style diner where everything comes in super-size and it could be a nice, chill evening if his friends could finally wrap their heads around the fact that <em>Kookjin </em>simply isn’t happening.</p><p>“You‘ve been in love with this guy your whole life, but he didn‘t kiss you when you were both drunk, so you decided to just literally stop interacting with him. But <em>then</em> you decided to become besties again. And now you‘re texting and calling each other all the time. Like, <em>literally </em>all the time. But you still insist you‘re over him. Even though you‘re obviously not”, he quirks one eyebrow, and Jungkook nods because explaining how he‘s <em>over the idea of ever becoming more than friends with Seokjin, not over being in love with Seokjin</em> would be too complicated (he‘d need to prepare a PowerPoint presentation for that) and he doesn‘t feel like disconnecting his mouth from his banana milkshake‘s fancy metal straw.</p><p>“But you don‘t plan on telling him how you feel, because you‘re one hundred percent sure he doesn‘t like-like you back, although he‘s <em>never</em> stated that, and he basically already treats you like you‘re his long-distance boyfriend.”</p><p>“He doesn‘t treat me like a long-distance boyfriend.”</p><p>Noah narrows his eyes. He leans forward and taps an onion ring against Jungkook‘s nose.</p><p>“You send each other pictures of <em>everything </em>you eat.”</p><p>“Friends do that too.”</p><p>“Good morning <em>and </em>good night texts.”</p><p>“We don‘t send those every day though.”</p><p>“Still counts. I‘ve <em>never </em>gotten a good morning <em>or </em>a good night text, JK.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay, then how about I send you one tonight?”</p><p>“I‘d love that. But don‘t try to change the subject! What about the skype study dates?”</p><p>He stuffs the onion ring into his triumphantly smirking mouth and wiggles his eyebrows as if he‘d just won his case. What a dork. </p><p>“What about them?”</p><p>“There‘s no platonic explanation for the skype study dates.”</p><p>“I‘m in an <em>actual</em> official long-distance relationship, but not even my girlfriend and I have those”, Sina remarks stealing another handful of Jungkook‘s fries.</p><p>“Your girlfriend is touring Asia with her dance group, Sina. Why would you have them?”</p><p>“I‘m just saying. Watching each other study for five hours in four-hundred-and-eighty pixel resolution isn‘t a very bro-thing to do.”</p><p>She does have a point. But then again, Sina doesn‘t know that those study sessions are anything but romantic. Not comparable to the cheesy library sequences in high school dramedies. They‘re all about Seokjin cursing at the people in the cases he has to solve, throwing his books across the room, and scolding Jungkook for cackling at his desperation. They usually end with way too many snack breaks and <em>Mario</em> <em>Cart </em>matches that get intense enough to threaten to end their friendship.</p><p>[But they are still crucial to avoid another impostor syndrome triggered law-school-break-down, so Jungkook plans on keeping them up until Seokjin gets his degree. Or that one fancy internship he‘s been talking about for the last few weeks. Or until he learns to finally believe in his own capacity. Whichever happens first.]</p><p>“Nope. Definitely not. And what about that one time -“</p><p>Jungkook has never been so grateful to hear his ringtone. The unknown number would probably trigger his anxiety if he wasn‘t so eager to escape this interrogation, but he is desperate, so he doesn‘t hesitate before taking the call.</p><p>“<em>Hello? Is this Jeon Jungkook‘s phone?</em>”, the man asks in Korean and Jungkook nearly chokes on his own tongue when he recognizes the deep voice. His face must give everything away because his friends both stop eating and look at him with concerned faces.</p><p>“Hi, uhm, yes, it‘s me. Are you, uhm- are you…?”</p><p><em>“</em>Who is it?<em>”</em>, Sina mouths over her waffle tower and he would like to answer, but he can‘t. Not yet. This can‘t be happening.</p><p>“<em>Kim Namjoon. Or RM, haha. Sorry for calling so late, I hope I‘m not disturbing you, but I really need to talk to you. I got your number from Seokjin and he told me it was okay to call, so-</em>”</p><p><em>“</em>It‘s Kim Namjoon<em>”</em>, he mouths back and Noah looks like he‘s about to hyperventilate.</p><p>“Kim Namjoon? Like <em>RM</em>? The <em>rapper</em>?! <em>Rrrap Monster?</em> What the-”, Sina plasters a greasy hand over Noah‘s mouth and whisper-screams:</p><p>“What do you mean it‘s <em>RM</em>?!”</p><p>He gets up to leave the booth, but Sina grabs the seam of his baggy ripped jeans with her other hand and tries to bully him into sitting back down with her huge puppy eyes. It‘s working, or maybe Jungkook‘s legs are just too ready to give out. The whole scene is just too surreal. He needs to sit down. What on earth could <em>Kim fucking Namjoon </em>want from him?</p><p>“No, no, it‘s fine! I‘m just… a bit taken aback? But it‘s okay! You‘re probably used to that. To people being taken aback by you talking to them, I mean. So- what do you, uhm, want to talk about?”   </p><p>“<em>Well, I‘ve seen your stream. The one where you speed painted that night sky to </em>mono<em>.</em>”</p><p>That was about two weeks ago, right after he had dropped the mixtape.</p><p>Jungkook isn‘t sure when he had finally caved and allowed himself to let go of the jealousy and finally give RM‘s music a chance. Must have been around the second year of Seokjin‘s military service, when his songs had started to get more popular and his first music video had made it into MTV‘s top ten. But he remembers slipping down the rabbit hole listening to each and every one of his tracks and deciding that the man was a genius. And now Jungkook has somehow managed to piss him off, because, let‘s be real, why else would he call him?</p><p>“Oh. I‘m sorry. Was there, like, copyright issues or something?”</p><p>“<em>No! Oh God, no, nothing like that! I just really liked your painting. I love your work.</em>”</p><p>Shit. This can‘t be happening.</p><p><em>“</em>He. Likes. My. Work!<em>”</em></p><p>Sina‘s jaw drops and Noah clutches his heart and it‘s all so dreamlike. He will implode if Namjoon says another nice word to him.</p><p>“I‘m- wow. Thank you. I love your work too. <em>Mono</em> is, like, the best mixtape <em>ever</em>. I love it. It‘s lit.”</p><p>Namjoon laughs and Jungkook‘s heart is still hammering in his head. Kim Namjoon likes his art. Wow.</p><p>“<em>Thanks, I‘m glad to hear that. Actually, I‘m calling because of </em>mono<em>. I was wondering if you would be interested in a collab?</em>”</p><p>“A collab?”</p><p>“<em>Yeah. My management wants to drop a special edition around Christmas. And I‘d really love to include your paintings on the cover and in the booklet.</em>”</p><p>It‘s too good to be true. This literally can‘t be happening.</p><p><em>“</em>He. Wants. Collab!<em>”</em></p><p>At this point, Sina is covering her own mouth and Noah is kind of squealing and Jungkook is dying.</p><p>“Oh. Wow.”</p><p>“<em>Yeah. It would look great. I feel like you really get it, you know? Your art looks the way </em>mono<em> sounds</em>.”</p><p><em>“</em>My. Art. Looks. Like. Mono. Sounds!!!<em>”</em></p><p>It‘s the coolest compliment he has ever gotten. He should probably tattoo it on his forehead. He‘s got the stick-and-poke technique down by now, so it shouldn‘t be a problem.</p><p>“<em>So… what do you say?</em>”</p><p>He forgot to answer. Shit. Namjoon must think that he is an idiot.</p><p>“Sure. I‘d love that.”</p><p>He gives his friends a thumbs up and Sina does a little dance and Noah mouths <em>Getting. Celebration. Booze. </em>before shimmying out of the booth.</p><p>“<em>Great! I‘m in Europe next month, so if you‘re up for it we could meet up and discuss the details sometime? I won‘t be able to make it to Berlin, but we could meet up in Vienna if you‘d like to?</em>”</p><p>They agree on negotiating the details of the meeting as soon as Namjoon‘s schedule is fixated and he <em>thanks</em> him and wishes him a nice evening and Jungkook feels like he‘s <em>floating</em>.</p><p>[Later that night, after two rounds of celebratory daiquiris and Noah threatening to throw himself into the <em>Spree Canal</em> if Jungkook doesn‘t get him a personalized autograph, he starts a video call with the <em>Hadong-squad</em>. It‘s already Saturday morning in Korea, so it‘s a wonder they all pick up. Jimin looks ready to murder him for waking him up so early even after he tells them the news, but Taehyung is hyped up and Seokjin just shakes his head at their excitement and tells the story of Namjoon microwaving an egg for the nth time. <em>He‘s a rap star, hyung! Not all of us can get lucky enough to be friends with him, so can you just shut up and let us have this moment? Kookie‘s career is going to </em>blow up<em> after this!</em>]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jungkook doesn’t expect the second time he has sex in his life to be with someone he isn’t even really dating. But life is full of interesting plot twists and he doesn’t mind becoming Alex‘s no-strings-attached-friend-with-benefits. Or <em>gspusi</em>, as Sina calls it.</p><p>He is one head shorter than Jungkook and almost daintily, but he still manages to fill out every room he steps into somehow. It must be the sunshiny smile and auburn curls combined with his all-black outfits and the abundance of piercings and tattoos. Noah falls for him right away. But it‘s a short-lived crush, so there are no hard feelings between them.</p><p>Alex is one of the regulars at <em>The New Ark Cafeteria</em>, so the first thing Jungkook learns about him besides his name is his love for obnoxiously complicated coffee orders. <em>Large, weak soy mocha with a pump of vanilla, no chocolate on top. Almond milk caramel latte macchiato with an extra espresso shot, make it extra hot, please. Iced cold brew with two pumps of pumpkin spice, extra whipped cream, and cinnamon on top. Thrice blended almond-dream-frappuccino with a drizzle of maple syrup, no sugar, extra espresso shot. </em>He is obviously having the time of his life coming up with them and every barista <em>hates </em>him, but Jungkook knows a challenge when he sees one and he makes a game out of getting the order perfect within four minutes and Alex is impressed enough to tip his imaginary hat and soon enough it feels like they are friends.</p><p>The second thing Jungkook learns about Alex is that he is an apprentice at the tattoo studio down the street. He finds out when he offers him a fifty percent coupon as a prize for being the most skilled barista he has ever encountered. The whole aspiring tattoo artist thing makes a lot of sense because he lounges around the café on a daily basis and his whole skin is covered in ink. And Jungkook takes him up on his offer, going for a spacious half sleeve since Seokjin and Jimin doubt he‘ll really do it and he <em>needs </em>to show them how wrong they are.</p><p>“<em>Are you even allowed to do it all by yourself?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Of course. Relax, I can assure you that it‘s gonna look a lot more professional than that ugly ass smiley.”</em>
</p><p>Jungkook just laughs, because the smiley <em>is </em>ugly and then Alex starts working the gun and suddenly his arm is on fire and he finds himself in urgent need of distraction, so he asks him to tell him more about himself and he learns all about his dog, <em>Pumba</em>, and his succulent collection and his love for <em>Golden Girls </em>and <em>Fullmetal Alchemist</em> and sourdough and modern arts and by the time the second session is over Jungkook has told him all about life in Korea and his short-lived middle school handball career and his love for gaming and comic books and painting and it <em>really</em> feels like they are friends.</p><p> </p><p>The feeling is validated when Alex calls him after the final session. Jungkook is in the middle of cleaning up the messy reminders of his last twitch stream - spray painting to his newly discovered favorite German rapper in the tiny room wasn’t one of his brightest ideas (Seokjin even commented just to tell him that), but it‘s too late now and he‘s thankful for the distraction.</p><p>“Hello? Alex?”</p><p>“<em>You never fucking told me you were </em>goldenclosetgallery!”</p><p>It‘s a bit confusing and scary at first because people aren‘t supposed to find out about the account until he tells them himself. That’s the whole point of painting in masks. He doesn’t want to be <em>seen</em> by anyone.</p><p>“How did you-”</p><p>
  <em>“You‘re wearing a short-sleeved shirt.”</em>
</p><p>Oh. Right. He‘s an idiot. But luckily Alex goes on without waiting for his answer.</p><p>
  <em>“I love your art! And your streams! They‘re like ASMR, but for the eyes. I can‘t believe I actually know goldenclosetgallery in real life! I stitched you a tattoo!”</em>
</p><p>“Uhm, thanks, I guess?”</p><p>
  <em>“Seriously, what are the odds you‘d end up moving to Berlin of all cities and working at the café next to the studio!”</em>
</p><p>He sounds excited and it makes Jungkook go soft because he isn‘t used to people <em>gushing</em> over his work in real life.</p><p>So he invites him over. To drink wine and to talk about comics and destiny and then they somehow end up having sex. And it‘s nice.</p><p>Alex takes full control after Jungkook tells him he‘s never slept with another guy before (the confession goes against everything Jimin and Noah have ever taught him, but he‘s too tipsy and nervous to pretend he knows what he‘s doing) and it‘s so easy to just let go for once. Easy and nice and <em>fun</em>. A lot less stressful than his disastrous first time with Mina had been.</p><p>They order sushi afterward and go back to chatting about the latest <em>Marvel </em>movie and it‘s not weird or awkward at all. So they do it again. And again. And it‘s still nice.</p><p>[Alex calls it <em>friendship plus</em> and it makes him think of how that would probably make whatever Seokjin and Jungkook have a <em>relationship minus</em>. But it‘s a dumb thought. Dumb and dangerous. He can‘t allow himself to get his hopes up again, so he nips it in the bud as soon as it crosses his mind.]</p><p> </p><p>They are making out on Jungkook‘s bed after a late-night Netflix session once again when his phone buzzes three times in a row and starts ringing then. He is determined to ignore it because the only person who is tactless enough to call so late is Taehyung and he‘s one hundred percent sure that whatever he has to say can wait for another twenty minutes or so. But it keeps ringing and ringing and at last, Alex pulls away.</p><p>“Maybe you should take it. Could be an emergency or something.”</p><p>So he takes it. And freezes as soon as he hears Seokjin‘s voice.</p><p>“<em>Oh, thank God! I need your help, Kookie!”</em></p><p>Lying under Alex feels suffocating all of the sudden, so Jungkook gives him an apologetic smile and gently nudges him off himself to sit up and move over to the other end of the mattress.</p><p>“Hyung, I‘m kind of… busy right now.”</p><p>“<em>It‘ll only take a minute! Could you just take a look at the photos of the suits I sent you and- ”</em></p><p>“No, you don‘t get it, I‘m, like, in the <em>middle of something</em>.”</p><p>There‘s a strained pause and he can hear Seokjin‘s sharp inhale as realization draws in. Then he chuckles, but it sounds forced and awkward and Jungkook can picture his ears and neck flushing red and he regrets implying it at all. This is awful.</p><p>“<em>Well, that‘s great. Then you can ask </em>them <em>to look at the pics too and you can both vote for your favorite.”</em></p><p>Classic Seokjin. He hates him. But he can‘t help smiling.</p><p>“That would be super weird, hyung.”</p><p><em>“Kookie, you </em>know <em>how important this interview is to me. I‘ve been manifesting this for </em>years<em>. I need to look impeccable.”</em></p><p>“Can‘t you just ask Yoongi and Hobi?”</p><p>
  <em>“No. They‘re trying to sabotage me so I‘ll never earn enough to move out. I need your objective opinions. Please. Be a good boy and help hyung out.”</em>
</p><p>He snorts at Seokjin‘s theatrical whine before hanging up and opening the chat to look at the photos of Seokjin in front of his bedroom mirror. Suit number one is black. Suit number two is navy. Jungkook can‘t pinpoint any other differences, but Seokjin looks amazing in both of them and he‘s glad he still has his shirt on because he can feel the goosebumps on his arms. His stomach drops as soon as he catches Alex‘s questioning look.</p><p>“Sorry. It‘s just a friend from Korea who needs our help picking out an outfit for the most important job interview of his life”, he explains and hands him his phone. Alex takes a look at the pictures and whistles approvingly.</p><p>“Tell him I vote for the blue one.”</p><p>Jungkook likes the second photo and Seokjin sends him a winky-kissy emoji and then the whole nightmare convo is over and he could go back to doing friendship plus stuff, but the idea of kissing Alex feels wrong all at once. He hates himself.</p><p>“I have to admit, I didn‘t exactly picture them like that.”</p><p>Jungkook hesitates for a heartbeat before looking up to meet his eyes. When he does Alex is grinning at him and his eyes are smiling too.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Love.”</p><p>He must notice that Jungkook has no idea what he is talking about because he rolls his eyes and points at the huge painting leaning against the kitchenette. <em>About Love Part III</em>. Oh. His first instinct is denying everything, but there‘d be no point in it, so he just takes a deep breath and hopes that the floor opens up and swallows him before this whole night can get any more embarrassing.</p><p>“Is it that obvious?”</p><p>Alex laughs.</p><p>“Yeah, kinda. Your whole face changed when you talked to him.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“It‘s okay. He‘s really handsome. I just… well, it was super problematic and closed-minded of me, and I‘m kind of ashamed to say it out loud, but I always thought your muse was a girl or, like, a super feminine flower boy or something, you know? Because the whole series is so soft and the muted pink tones aren‘t really something I would‘ve associated with a business student and those shoulders and that jawline, but-“</p><p>“He just - I mean, uhm, he <em>feels</em> like those paintings”, Jungkook stammers and it‘s a super sappy and stupid thing to say, but he needs to say <em>something</em>. And apparently, Alex doesn‘t think it too obnoxious, because he nods like he gets it, and saying it out loud feels good in a weird confession-like way.</p><p>[They don‘t have sex that night. But they stay up talking about love and art till dawn and they send Seokjin an overly cheerful congratulation selfie when he announces that he got the internship in the <em>Hadong-squad </em>chat.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>Jimin and Taehyung had originally planned on visiting him after Seollal, so they could fly back to Busan together. Their plans change when Jungkook is offered the chance to stay in Berlin for an additional semester to finish his bachelor's at <em>UdK </em>and he decides to take the opportunity.</p><p>Jungkook isn‘t sure if they really prepone their European trip, because they miss him too much to stick to the schedule or because of the RM-date, but he‘s still happy about the reunion. Even if the fact that they insist on meeting him in Vienna is one of their typical demon moves.</p><p><em>“But I thought you guys wanted to visit </em>me<em> and see the city I </em>live in<em> and meet my </em>Berliner <em>friends!”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Of course we do, Jungkook-sshi. It‘s just that Vienna is a lot prettier than Berlin and Tae can‘t wait to see it, so why plan a Berlin stopover when we can all just meet up there and then fly to Berlin together before we head back home? Don‘t worry, we have it all planned.”</em>
</p><p>They both throw themselves at him as soon as they spot him at the airport and they all tear up and it‘s so, so ridiculous and people start staring, because Jimin and Taehyung don‘t show any willingness of letting go of him anytime soon, but Jungkook couldn’t care less.</p><p>When he decides that they have finally hugged the last eight months out, Jimin puts on his knock-off designer glasses to cover up his reddened eyes and Taehyung offers to carry Jungkook‘s suitcase even though they all know it will end with the maknae carrying everyone‘s luggage and they tell him all about the annoying little boy who sat next to them on the plane and about the reality shows they binged for sixteen whole hours and they can‘t stop squeezing him like they need to make sure he‘s really here with them. They wedge themselves into the backseat of the cab on either side of Jungkook and Taehyung falls asleep with his head on his shoulder and it makes his heart flutter. He missed them a lot.</p><p> </p><p>Jungkook hates to admit it, but Vienna is in fact a lot prettier than Berlin. Walking through the city center is like traveling back in time - there are horse carriages and baroque facades and charming little cafés and marble statues everywhere and Taehyung takes so many photos that Jungkook doubts he gets to catch a non-camera-filtered glimpse of the city at all.</p><p>The two of them visit the <em>Albertina </em>museum while Jimin explores the souvenir stands and goes window shopping in the <em>Golden</em> <em>Quarter</em> and they flood the group chat with the photos they take of the <em>schnitzel </em>and <em>tafelspitz </em>they have for lunch. Seokjin sends back a whole row of crying emojis and Jungkook wishes he was here too.</p><p>[He texts him that when they get lost on their way to the hotel. Jimin is too stupid to differentiate between <em>Karlsplatz </em>and <em>Keplerplatz</em> and leads them on a little evening hike through the city‘s worst area. Jungkook tells himself that it doesn‘t sound desperate or needy at all. It‘s just that Seokjin would’ve deserved to see Taehyung‘s hilarious face and Jimin‘s content smile when those tough-looking guys all turned around to check Jimin out. He‘ll try to draw it for him later.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>Meeting RM is an unreal experience.</p><p>He is already waiting at the small Korean restaurant when Jungkook finally finds it in the labyrinth of the inner city‘s tiny alleys. RM is scrolling through his phone, he but perks up when he notices Jungkook staring at him and lifts his hand to greet him - instantly knocking his glass over.</p><p>His clumsy attempts at drying the table with his napkin bring back long-repressed memories of twenty-year-old Seokjin swooning over his boyfriend, affectionately calling him <em>God of Destruction</em> and for a second Jungkook forgets all about RM and only sees <em>Namjoon</em>. Seokjin‘s Namjoon. And there are thorns in his lungs once again - but then their eyes meet and Namjoon smiles and he can breathe again.</p><p>Jungkook rushes over to help him and then the waiter leads them to a new table and they laugh about the whole incident and make their formal introductions and by the time they have ordered their drinks, it doesn‘t even feel like there are lightyears between them anymore. As they browse the menu Namjoon explains how he gets homesick if he doesn‘t have Korean food at least once a day and then proceeds to talk about his fruitless attempts of cooking at home and they bond over their love for ramyun. And Jungkook still can‘t believe he is actually having lunch with a real celebrity.</p><p>“I‘m so glad you agreed to meet up, Jungkook-ah. I was so excited when I saw that you used <em>mono</em> for your speed session. The painting turned out <em>perfect</em>.”</p><p>He hopes that Namjoon doesn't notice his blush. Maybe he can play it off as a reaction to the spicy kimchi stew. This isn’t a fan meet and greet after all. He should at least try to act like a professional artist.</p><p>“Thanks. I‘m glad you liked it. It‘s one of my favorite mixtapes ever. Seriously. <em>Everythinggoes</em> changed me as a person.”</p><p>Okay. So, maybe he shouldn‘t have let that one slip out, but Namjoon laughs and he looks flustered and - endeared?</p><p>“Thanks! You have no idea how much this means. For real. I was so insecure about <em>mono</em>. My agency <em>hated </em>the idea of an album with mostly Korean lyrics, but I felt like I was losing myself, so I really needed to get back to my roots, you know? I even called Seokjin to bitch about it and he told me to get my shit together, so I decided to go through with it and-“</p><p>“And it was an instant success.”</p><p>Seokjin never told them about the <em>mono </em>phone call. Sometimes he forgets that the two of them used to be real close before Namjoon turned into RM. Even after the break-up. He wonders if Namjoon has managed to get over him. If drowning in the whirlpool is a universal experience or just a Jungkook-thing.  </p><p>“Yeah. I guess so.”</p><p>They go quiet for a moment, but then Namjoon carefully sweeps his empty plate out of the way and takes out his tablet and a stylus pen.</p><p>“So, are you ready to talk business?”</p><p>“Sure, hyung. Let‘s get it!”</p><p>They get into the details of the special box edition and spend the next forty minutes discussing the concept. Namjoon wants him to paint something for every song and shares his ideas, but he is quick to reassure him that he trusts Jungkook‘s vision. <em>I‘m sure you‘ll get it just right.</em> He can‘t wait to get to work.</p><p>Namjoon pays the bill and offers to share a cab, but Jungkook declines politely. He needs to walk this whole meeting off. Or even better, go for a jog. The adrenaline rush is still so overwhelming he nearly forgets to get the personalized autographs for Noah and Sina. And a selca for his personal Instagram account. And then, as they‘re waiting for the car to arrive, Namjoon suddenly says something that gives Jungkook a small heart attack.</p><p>“Now I finally get why Seokjin is all about you.”  </p><p>“I‘m sorry, what?”</p><p>Namjoon‘s face is full of dimples as he laughs and shakes his head.</p><p>“He used to talk about you all the time. He still does, actually. We played this one dumb truth or dare drinking game with Yoongi and his Daegu friends once and when the question came up, he said that you were his favorite person in the whole world.”</p><p>Namjoon stuffs a strand of silvery hair under his beanie and Jungkook is afraid that was all he had to say because he‘s definitely not ready to formulate a coherent answer just yet, but luckily he goes on.</p><p>“It was a bit weird because he was my boyfriend back then and I guess I hoped he‘d pick me? I mean, I obviously wasn’t jealous of a high-schooler he had known his whole life, but it was weird and I didn‘t get it back then, but now I think I do. You‘re great. And you both give off the same energy. It makes sense he‘d like you so much.”</p><p>Jungkook is still looking for an appropriate response when the cab rolls into the street. Time‘s up, so he settles for a simple <em>Thanks, you‘re great too, hyung</em> and Namjoon gives him a goodbye handshake and a one-sided hug before he gets in the car.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>They spend the rest of the day exploring <em>Schönbrunn </em>and <em>Prater </em>- Jimin and Taehyung go into the palace museum and he strolls through the zoo and sends Seokjin photos of the animals that remind Jungkook of him (the alpacas, llamas, flamingos, and pandas) and posts the funniest German animal names in his close friends’ story for Yugyeom and the Berliner squad to see and Taehyung and Jungkook go on all rides in the amusement park while Jimin eats mini donuts and cotton candy and they take photos in front of the giant Ferris wheel before returning to the hotel. </p><p> </p><p>Jungkook sends the Namjoon-selca and some of the photos of the three of them posing in front of Viennese attractions to his parents and takes a shower before he falls into the hotel bed. He‘s ready to drift off and sleep for twelve hours straight when he hears the soft knocks at his door.</p><p>“Go away! It‘s past midnight”, he groans when he sees his friends‘ fluffy bathrobe-clad figures through the peephole.</p><p>The knocking doesn’t stop though. He hates them. But he opens up nevertheless and soon Jungkook finds himself pushed into the chair across from the bed that Jimin and Taehyung claim for themselves. He‘s too tired to deal with whatever they want from him. They kind of look like a pair of parents about to give their child <em>the talk</em>. If he thinks about it, getting <em>the talk</em> actually looked exactly like this. He was an innocent ten-year-old when Jimin and Tae had decided to explain sex to him. They basically stole his childhood.</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>They glance at each other and Jungkook swears he can physically hear the telepathic conversation between them. <em>Will you tell him, or should I</em>? <em>Good cop - bad cop narrative?</em></p><p>“We need to talk, Jungkook-sshi.”</p><p>“And it can‘t wait until tomorrow?”</p><p>Taehyung shakes his head. He clears his throat and pushes his glasses up his nose.</p><p>“We wanted to wait for the perfect moment to bring this up, but we think it‘s better to just get it over with. So. Here we go”, he glances at Jimin and waits for his encouraging nod before he utters the most terrifying words Jungkook has ever heard.</p><p>“We need to talk about you and Seokjin.”</p><p>His throat goes dry and he can feel his eyes grow wide. <em>Well, fuck. He didn’t see that one coming.</em></p><p>“Wh-what about us?”</p><p>He doesn’t mean to sound <em>this </em>panicked, but this is like his worst nightmare coming true.</p><p>“We know. About your feelings. For hyung”</p><p><em>Shitshitshit</em>. Jungkook tries to say something - <em>anything</em>, but he only manages to croak. Taehyung knows him well enough to interpret the sound as a horrified <em>what? </em>and goes on. Very slowly. Like he‘s talking to a toddler.</p><p>“Well, you‘re obviously in love. Head over heels.”</p><p>He states it like it‘s a universally acknowledged fact. Smiles his gentle smile and Jungkook feels like he‘s being torn open. Like his whole life is flashing by his eyes. This can‘t be happening.  </p><p>“No. It‘s- it‘s not like that, I-“</p><p>“Oh, Kookie, it‘s okay! We‘ve known for years”, Jimin whispers and scoots closer to the edge of the mattress, so he can reach for his hand. He encloses it in both of his and Jungkook would love to comment on how tiny they are, but he kind of feels like crying and it's pathetic to react to his best friends admitting to knowing about his feelings for their other best friend like this. It‘s not like someone has died and they aren‘t even really having a moment, so he should just <em>stop</em>, but it‘s all too overwhelming and he finds himself biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from losing it. <em>Wow. This day is really too much to handle.</em></p><p>“You‘re not exactly… subtle when you‘re with Seokjin-hyung. But don‘t worry! It‘s cute”, Taehyung adds fondly and gets up to bring him a bottle of water from the minibar. He can‘t believe they are only telling him <em>now</em>. Oh, how fucking dumb of him to assume he was hiding it so well.</p><p>“Taehyung is right. You are very obvious. Both of you are. But hey, at least you‘re self-aware! That’s a great thing! Seokjin-hyung is literally too dense to even know what self-reflection means.”</p><p>Jungkook is still too hung up on the fact that apparently <em>everyone </em>knows about his dirty little secret to pay attention to what Jimin is implying. What if Yoongi and Hobi know? What if their parents do? What if <em>Namjoon </em>knows?!</p><p>“Kookie?”</p><p>He must have zoned out again. Fuck.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You <em>are</em> aware of <em>his </em>feelings for <em>you</em>, aren‘t you?”</p><p>
  <em>What the actual fuck?</em>
</p><p>“No?”</p><p>Jimin groans and Taehyung buries his face in his hands.</p><p>“I can‘t with these two, Taetae.”</p><p>“Jimin-ah? What do you mean?”</p><p>“He‘s <em>obviously into y</em>ou too, Kookie!”</p><p>Hah. He almost got him there for a second. But Jungkook isn‘t falling for these kinds of jokes. They are inappropriate and cruel anyways. Jimin should know better.</p><p>“No, he‘s not.”</p><p>“Yes, he is. Believe me. I know an idiot in love when I see one. We just need to make <em>him</em> realize it too.”</p><p>Make Seokjin realize it too? But that would mean that Jimin and Tae want them to get together and that’s an absurd idea, isn’t it?</p><p>“Wait, what?”</p><p>“Well, since you‘re both too stupid to work it out on your own we decided to help you”, Taehyung explains like it‘s the most logical thing to do and he sounds so thrilled and so sincere that Jungkook can‘t doubt him. Wow.</p><p>“Yep. We need a plan. A seduce-hyung-game-plan.”</p><p>Taehyung beams as he fishes out a small notebook from the fluffy bathrobe‘s pocket.</p><p>“We‘ve already brainstormed on our way here! From Korea. Not our room, obviously.”</p><p>And then they start to present their ideas. The whole scene feels too surreal. Jungkook never thought he‘d live to hear Jimin utter the words <em>seduce-hyung-game-plan</em>, but here they are. And if he is being honest it‘s all quite touching. He loves them for trying to support him in their own controversial and slightly unsettling way, even if he is still certain that Jimin is wrong. There‘s no way Seokjin could ever reciprocate his feelings. And that’s okay. Jungkook has accepted it. But he doesn’t have the heart to crush their hopes just yet so he just crawls under the blanket and holds on to Jimin‘s hand as he listens to their chaotic ideas until they all fall asleep cuddled up in Jungkook‘s bed.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading and have a nice day! </p><p>(Kudos and nice comments are greatly appreciated - I'd love to read about your thoughts on the story :))</p><p> </p><p>Here‘s the list of the abbreviations, attractions and German words in this chapter: </p><p>UdK = Berlin University of Arts (Universität der Künste in German)<br/>KNCDC = Korea National Contemporary Dance Company<br/>Currywurst = fried sausage with ketchup and curry powder<br/>Döner = kebab sandwich (meat, salad, veggies and yogurt sauce served in pita)<br/>Gspusi = slang term for a lover (a person you only have a sexual relationship with)<br/>Freundschaft + = "friendship +" ; the German term for friends with benefits<br/>Schnitzel = breaded meat fried in fat<br/>Tafelspitz = boiled veal or beef in broth served with a mix of minced apples and horseradish<br/>Schönbrunn = summer residence of the Habsburg rulers<br/>Prater = Austria‘s most famous amusement park</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Seokjin is twenty-six when he first realizes that he probably shouldn’t let Jimin and Taehyung make him agree to horrible, awful, no-good ideas that are bound to go up in flames and ruin his life. Maybe he‘s being too dramatic. There are worse things than becoming Jungkook‘s roommate.</p><p>(get ready for: Jin‘s cursedcursedcursed intrusive thoughts and dark secret; JK showing his love through violence; slice of life law firm things; all the yearning and pining; awful birthday surprises; over-the-top Christmas office parties and Vmin attending to important confidential business)</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I‘m finally back with another update - Jinkook are reunited and they become roommates in this one! I really hope you‘ll like this chapter as much as I liked writing it ^^</p><p> </p><p>***** Warning******</p><p>There‘s a mention of verbal sexual harassment at workplace (no quotes and nothing explicit; just mentions of a superior saying inappropriate things), so if this might trigger you, just skip the Ben &amp; Jerry‘s car convo!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>IV.</p><p> </p><p>Seokjin is twenty-six when he first realizes that he probably shouldn’t let Jimin and Taehyung make him agree to horrible, awful, no-good ideas that are bound to go up in flames and ruin his life. Maybe he‘s being too dramatic. There are worse things than becoming Jungkook‘s roommate. But he still hates it.</p><p><em> Chuseok </em> dinners have been getting more and more mentally exhausting over the years - being the only single person at a table full of married couples, self-declared soulmates, widows and middle-aged divorcees who still get more action than him could be a bit suffocating. Seokjin had really hoped this year would be different since Jungkook was back, but all of his hopes were crushed the moment Taehyung‘s grandmother spotted him and made her way across the Jeons‘s living room to get on her tippy toes and greet him with a wet kiss on the cheek.</p><p>
  <em> “Ahh, Seokjin-sshi, alone again?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Well, I‘m here with mom, so-“ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You know what I mean! When will you finally start to think about settling down?” </em>
</p><p>He didn’t have the heart to explain that university and his part-time job at the law firm were sucking every last drop of life force out of him. And he wasn’t drunk enough to get started on how love was just an overrated social construct for most mortals who weren’t born with a red string around their pinkies. So he went for the dimples and hoped she would let it go.</p><p>
  <em> “When you finally decide to give us a chance, Granny.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Aish, stop joking around! I want to see you find the one. I‘m not getting any younger and I want to dance at your wedding, Seokjin-ah.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Jungkookie is still single too, Granny.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yes, but Jungkook is still young. The years have been kind to you, but if you don‘t hurry up you‘ll end up a bitter, lonely, old man.“ </em>
</p><p>Yeah. Well. That one hurt. He took it with a brave, polite smile though, because Granny Kim was a lovely old lady who didn‘t mean to trigger an existential crisis by being brutally honest and because Seokjin had manners. Unlike his friends. Jungkook had to stuff a whole songpyeon into his mouth to stifle his giggles and his shit-eating grin kind of made Seokjin want to hit him. He regretted getting all excited about seeing him again in person after those long months of low-quality video calls. </p><p>Regret was nice though. It meant that things were getting back to normal. Becoming all flustered and jackhammer-hearted when Jungkook had welcomed him at the door was uncomfortable, to say the least. Not that anyone could have expected a different reaction from him - getting wrapped up in the most enthusiastic embrace of all times and being lifted off the ground by a human-sized puppy did that to people. Especially if they had been betraying said person‘s unconditional trust for the last eleven months.</p><p>But by the time they had exchanged their yearly <em>Spam </em>gift sets and gathered around the table Seokjin had collected himself enough to pay attention to the conversation around him and to compliment the food. He had even widened his Jungkook-tunnel-vision enough to take in the ugly matching sweaters Jimin and Taehyung were wearing and the horribly tacky decoration Jungkook‘s mom had selected for the occasion. Everything was fine. Until the <em>cursedcursedcursed</em> Seoul convo, that is.</p><p>“So, Jungkook-ah, what are your plans now that you‘re back in Korea?”, Jimin‘s dad asked and Seokjin didn‘t even look up from his plate of galbijjim. He knew all about those plans after all and he didn‘t see the storm coming.</p><p>“I‘ve applied to some smaller agencies and got an invitation from one in Seoul that specializes in music marketing. They want me to work on the graphic design of two upcoming projects. It‘s kind of like a test phase. To see if they want to work with me long-term. So, I guess I‘ll just do my best to impress them.”</p><p>“I‘m sure you‘ll do great, sweety”, Seokjin‘s mom said and everyone gave approving hums around their food and then she proceeded to ask if Jungkook was moving to Seoul and then everything went wrong.</p><p>“Yes. I mean, I guess I‘ll have to. I can‘t do all the work from here.”</p><p>“Have you started looking for apartments yet?”</p><p>“Kind of? I‘ve been looking online, but it‘s not that easy to find any, and I don‘t want to move into a hole after Berlin, so -“</p><p>Jimin perked up and looked straight at Seokjin who was still too busy scraping the last pieces of meat off the bone of his fourth braised rib. </p><p>“Hyung, isn’t Yoongi finally moving in with Hobi next month? Jungkookie could just use his room!”</p><p>“You‘d get lonely in that huge apartment all by yourself anyway, wouldn‘t you, hyung?”, Taehyung chimed in and the eerie spark in his eyes made Seokjin uneasy.</p><p>His mom didn’t give him a chance to explain how he was actually very excited about getting rid of his roommate and turning his disgusting love nest into a <em>study</em>. For studying purposes. So he could finally try to separate his personal life from the towers of badly written law books on his nightstand. </p><p>“Oh, that‘s actually a great idea, Jimin-ah! The two of you get along so well anyway!”</p><p>She looked thrilled. Just like everyone else. The whole table started praising Jimin for coming up with the idea. <em>Fuck</em>. He sneaked a glance at Jungkook who got all red in the face from the spicy noodles and hid behind his bangs. Not meeting anyone’s eyes. Probably hating the thought of living together with Seokjin as much as he did. He knew he should have said something, but his mouth went dry and he kind of felt like throwing up. Food was definitely the best part of <em>Chuseuk</em>, but he really shouldn’t have eaten all those songpyeons and ribs.  </p><p>“Jungkook-ah, what do you say?”</p><p>Jungkook looked like a deer in the headlights of a car. And who could have blamed him? Sure, they were friends. Close friends. But living together wasn’t like texting and calling and meeting up to hang out from time to time. Living together meant giving up the safety of time and space between them. He wouldn’t be able to carry Jungkook‘s presence with him like a Tamagotchi anymore. Living together would set an end to their infinite virtual conversations and Jungkook would stop being an escape from reality - he would merge into his every-day-life and clown Seokjin for sticking his postcards and the <em>mono</em> booklet cutouts to the fridge and with his luck he would probably even find out about the dark secret nobody was ever allowed to find out about. Living together would be scary and dangerous and overall <em>cursed</em>.</p><p>“Uhm, I-I mean, yes, sure, if hyung doesn’t mind, I-“, he was interrupted by Jimin who gave Seokjin a sugarcoated deadly glare.</p><p>“Why would he mind? It‘s just a temporary solution anyway. We don‘t even know how long you‘ll stay in Seoul, Jungkook-sshi. You can still find another place when you know more!”</p><p>“Right! And Jungkook is the <em>perfect</em> roommate, hyung! He used to do the laundry and wash the dishes and vacuum and even cook dinner when we still lived together. We talk about how much we miss him all the time, right Jimin-ah?”</p><p>“Yes, of course, we do. We would offer our apartment too, but it‘s definitely too small for three people.”</p><p>He really hated how they pretended like they had not abused Jungkook‘s willingness to act like a decent roommate to make him their own personal maid, but he couldn’t point that out now that all eyes were on him. Waiting for him to give his okay. To act all enthusiastic about the prospect of <em>sharing his home with Jungkook</em>. Of giving up his daydreams of the study. Of Jungkook invading his privacy and making the whole place reek of paint and turpentine and drawing on his stuff with sharpies and physically fighting him for the remote controller to watch dumb animes whenever Seokjin‘s favorite cooking show was on. Of waking up and seeing him first thing in the morning and having breakfast together and using the same bathroom and the same kitchen and storing their shoes and coats in the same tiny closet and smelling like the same fabric softener and telling each other that they‘re home after work and- </p><p>“Seokjin-ah?”</p><p><em> Shit </em>. </p><p>“Sure! I‘d love that. No problem. We can definitely arrange it, if you‘d like to, Kookie.”</p><p>Putting on that one tight smile Jungkook should’ve easily been able to identify as a fake one could’ve set an end to this whole awkward conversation, but Jungkook didn’t look at him. He started speaking looking down at his japchae and when he lifted his gaze to catch Seokjin‘s eyes it was too late because Seokjin had gone soft once again.</p><p>“If it really isn’t a problem for you, I would be thankful if I could stay at your place for the first few months, hyung. Only for the test phase.”</p><p>[Seriously, why did he even bother with law school? He could never ever win a case if he was such a pushover.]</p><p>“Okay. Great. Sure. Let‘s do it!”</p><p>He meant to sound cheerful, but his voice must have given away the uprising panic because Jungkook averted his gaze and didn’t really talk to him for the rest of the dinner. Which was fine by him. He was too busy trying to keep the food down anyway. </p><p>[Later that night after everyone has already left and Seokjin is sipping his second spiked sujeonggwa, Jungkook joins him in the living room. Wearing <em>Ironman </em>pajama pants and a paint-stained t-shirt, with his hair still damp from the shower. So soft. So pretty. He plops down on the floor in front of the spine-wrecking couch Seokjin hadn’t slept on in years. <em>Hyung, you know that you don’t have to say yes, right? I mean, moving into your apartment would make things easier, but I‘m sure I can find another place. I know how much you fantasize about the study. And I get it. Really. I won‘t be mad or anything, I‘ll just tell everyone that I‘m too young and wild and free to live with an old man, and - </em> Seokjin spoils him too much. But he can‘t say no to Jungkook when he sounds so tiny. The study can wait. <em>Kookie, it‘s fine. Really. I‘d love for you to move in. I could really use your cleaning skills. You could work for food and accommodation. You could be, like, my own personal servant.</em> He laughs and Jungkook smiles and tells him to dream on and then Seokjin convinces him to play rock-paper-scissors for Jungkook‘s bed and he falls asleep in his old bedroom, looking at his high school sketches and posters plastered on the walls. Pokémon and bunnies with boxing gloves. Moon phases and the Hollywood swing on Aunt Jiyeon‘s porch. Flamingoes and heart dotted aprons and bite marked pencils.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>And so they become roommates.</p><p>Yoongi moves out and Jungkook moves in. It‘s a smooth transition. And the fact that it all goes over the stage so easily stresses him out more than any of the disastrous scenarios he had originally envisioned. </p><p>Seokjin picks Jungkook up from the airport and gives him a hug and helps him fit the two gigantic suitcases into the tiny yellow car he only bought for the aesthetics. Having had to do overtime at the office once again, he didn‘t have the time to get changed or eat lunch, so they grab burgers at the nearest <em>McDonald’s </em>and eat them in the parking lot. Cackling at the memory of the other guests staring at them while they were ordering, Seokjin nearly chokes on his big mac. </p><p>“We do look weird together”, he says sizing up Jungkook‘s all black, way too oversized outfit. Dangly earrings, tattooed arm and all, he really looks like the love interest from some shitty mafia drama. That would probably make Seokjin the posh, snobby rival in his tailored black suit with the loosened navy tie. Or the love interest if dramas weren‘t so painfully heteronormative, but on second thought it is actually for the best that they are because Seokjin can‘t allow himself to go that mental route. Especially not when he is basically <em>living </em>his own soap opera, trapped in his net of lies and intrigues. He‘s such a horrible friend. </p><p>“They probably think you‘re my sugar daddy or something. It‘s a nice suit though. Looks good on you. Don’t let anyone take your sparkle away, hyung.”  </p><p>“Well, you know what they say. The most important thing a lawyer needs is a good <em>lawsuit</em>.”</p><p>Jungkook just rolls his eyes and asks him to please stop embarrassing himself.</p><p> </p><p>And then they drive <em>home.</em> </p><p>And just like that, they are <em>living</em> <em>together</em>. And it should be annoying and weird, but it isn’t, because they sink into the kind of instant blissful domesticity Seokjin had always believed to be reserved for gross couples like Yoongi and Hoseok. It‘s ironic, to say the least.</p><p>They have breakfast together and they brush their teeth standing next to each other, taking turns spitting into the sink (and only starting water fights every three days or so) and they eat on the couch so Seokjin can leave his books and notes on the table and talk about Jungkook‘s new co-workers and brainstorm design ideas for the mediocre, semi-famous girl band‘s new album cover and Seokjin‘s criminal law essay and they co-host trot karaoke parties and movie nights for their friends. And it‘s <em>so nice</em>. </p><p>Jungkook still seems to get a high out of annoying Seokjin, of course, but he is a lot tamer between the walls of their apartment. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he sees the miniatures of his paintings and the postcards on the fridge. Like teasing him over being a sappy sentimental grandpa isn’t worth it anymore. Maybe he‘s getting old too. The only real bad thing about Jungkook moving in is his habit of working out in the living room in those <em>cursedcursedcursed</em> tank tops. It makes Sekojin‘s blood boil because sweating all over the carpet is gross. He also <em>hates </em>him cooking shirtless for hygiene and safety reasons, but apart from that everything is great. And it freaks him out. </p><p>What if living together with Yoongi and Hoseok has programmed this weird pack-fixation into him? What if he isn’t capable of being alone anymore? Has he become a codependent emotional cripple? These questions keep him up all night. </p><p> </p><p>“Nah, you just enjoy his company. You‘ve been friends your whole lives, hyung, it‘s <em>normal</em> to not hate having him around”, Yoongi says sinking deeper into the mountain of black throw pillows he had bought first thing after moving into Hoseok‘s apartment.  </p><p> </p><p>“Stop making up problems. <em>I </em>would kill for a roommate who doesn’t drive me up the wall”, Moonbyul says over a cup of coffee at the small bistro halfway between their office buildings.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess you <em>are </em>an emotional cripple, but not in a codependent way. You‘re just afraid of letting people close and panic as soon as you start to feel vulnerable”, Yong-sun says when they finally get to squeeze a short phone call into their insane schedules and he asks himself why they are friends again before he changes the topic. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe they are right.</p><p>Coming home to someone who waits up and asks him about his day and pretends to pay attention to the details of yet another boring law case shouldn’t be taken for granted. He should appreciate Jungkook more. Especially on nights when Jungkook curls up on the couch with his Nintendo and stays up unreasonably late just to keep him company and throw paper planes or popcorn at him whenever he is about to fall asleep. </p><p>[Jungkook takes control of the fabric softener and other detergents. Everything he touches smells like summertime and butterflies. It makes him sick with guilt.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Seokjin didn’t really sign up for researching complex construction issues and dealing with petty neighbors fighting over trees and fences when he accepted the part-time trainee position the firm had offered him after his internship. He had hoped he would get assigned to the labor or IP department, but there were worse things than real estate law. After witnessing Wheein explode in the break room and punch a watermelon so hard it fell apart, he doesn’t dare complain out loud anymore. It‘s just a temporary job anyway. One that pays good enough to allow him to buy fancy tenderloin without feeling too bad about it and one that will look great on his CV - it‘s just a matter of time until he can start working in fields he is actually interested in. And then all of the hours wasted at the office will have been worth it. Or at least that‘s what he tells himself whenever he feels like literally flipping his table or setting the blueprints and property records on fire. Like right now. He‘s going to explode if he doesn’t leave the suffocating shared workspace. Jimin‘s timing is perfect as always.</p><p>“I really have to take this”, he says waving his buzzing phone in front of Jaebeom‘s face as he gets up.</p><p>He thanks himself for making the mature decision of changing all of his contacts to the persons’ full name and deleting the emojis (except for Jungkook‘s bunny-red-heart-combo, for <em>obvious reasons</em>). It comes in very handy when he needs to pretend to attend to serious conversations and not just lounge around in the break room for fun. And he does that a lot more often than he would be comfortable with admitting out loud.</p><p>“Sure. Could you maybe… bring me a coffee? Please? I‘ll lose my flow if I get up now.”</p><p>When they had first started working in the same room, Seokjin was intimidated by his new co-worker‘s resting bitch face and scary work ethic. He seemed like someone who wouldn’t hesitate to judge every single move he made and throw him under the bus at the first opportunity, but it turned out he was just a bit of an awkward perfectionist. And a Capricorn, too. According to Yong-sun the sun in Capricorn explained everything. </p><p>“Of course!”</p><p>He makes his way to the common kitchen and makes sure he‘s alone before he calls Jimin back.</p><p>“Jimin-ah, I‘ve told you not to call while I‘m working.”      </p><p>
  <em>“But you always pick up, hyung. You procrastinate all the time anyway, don‘t act like you wouldn’t rather chat with your favorite.”</em>
</p><p>Okay, maybe it‘s a bit unfair to act like he isn’t thankful for the distraction, but Jimin hasn’t called him outside of work hours in ages. It‘s like he enjoys the power he holds over Seokjin - he can picture his content smirk.</p><p>“What a shameless lie! I‘m the perfect employee. Conscientious and hard-working and enthusiastic and-“, <em>everyone knows Jungkook is my favorite</em>. He can‘t finish the sentence, because Jimin starts laughing on the other end of the line. </p><p>
  <em>“Okay, okay, fine! I won‘t call you at the office anymore. I promise. But this is really important, hyung.”</em>
</p><p>He can‘t help but roll his eyes. Jimin promises every single time, but he physically can‘t make it through a Thursday without calling Seokjin. Which is just audacious considering he seems to respect everyone else‘s schedules. He‘s never heard Taehyung or Jungkook complain about Jimin harassing them during their working hours.  </p><p>“Alright. What is it?”</p><p>
  <em>“Do you have any plans for Taehyung‘s birthday weekend?”</em>
</p><p>It‘s a ridiculous question. He glances at the black and white landscape calendar propped up next to the coffee machine he‘s struggling with. Filling up the tank with only one free hand and popping the purple capsule into place is tricky, but he‘s getting there. It‘s not like Jaeboum is going anywhere.</p><p>“Jimin-ah. It‘s <em>November</em>.” </p><p>Taehyung‘s birthday is on December 30th and it really shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it‘s still kind of unsettling how Jimin has already planned a whole weekend of celebrations. He‘s still traumatized from the videos of the <em>mini-vacation</em> the two of them took to the Chinese Hallstadt back when he turned twenty. It was like an LSD trip straight from cheesy rom-com hell. Seokjin‘s own birthday is in two weeks and he still doesn’t know if or how he‘s going to celebrate it. Maybe it‘s a single thing. Or an approaching thirty thing. Yoongi isn’t that eager to throw birthday parties anymore either. </p><p><em>“I‘ll take this as a </em>No<em>. Which is just perfect, because now you do!”</em>, Jimin is so excited, he doesn‘t even wait for his reaction before babbling on, <em>“See, it needs to be very special. I‘m thinking fancy cocktail party with canapés and flower arrangements and maybe a live band too and-”</em></p><p>It sounds awful. Especially so shortly after Christmas and so shortly before finals week. He feels exhaustion wash over him at the thought alone. But at least the coffee machine starts purring under his fingers. It‘s about the little things in life. </p><p>“Jimin-ah? Don‘t get me wrong. I‘m totally here for the fancy cocktail party, but… does Taehyung know about your plans?”</p><p>
  <em>“Of course. Why are you asking?”</em>
</p><p>Jimin sounds startled. Like he doesn’t have a history of organizing obnoxiously over-the-top surprise parties. Seokjin is still haunted by the vivid memory of nearly fainting at the sound of the huge confetti cannons that went off when he had stumbled into his dark apartment after an evening study group meeting.</p><p>“Just wanted to make sure. Because he isn’t into huge gatherings and being the center of attention these days. And I guess I also don‘t really get why you have to make such a big deal out of him turning twenty-four when you could just wait until his twenty-fifth. Are you sure this is a good idea?”</p><p>Being the amazing co-worker he is, he decides to heat the soy milk up. The coffee will still taste disgusting because soy milk is nothing like real milk, but at least it won‘t be lukewarm.  </p><p>
  <em>“Yes. Don‘t worry about it. Tae has already given his okay. I know it sounds a bit over the top, but it will all make sense. Wait for it, hyung. It‘s gonna blow your mind. Just save the date, okay? I‘ve already asked your mom if she could talk your aunt into letting us use the house in Hadong-gun-”</em>
</p><p>“In Hadong-gun? But why? Ninety percent of the people you want to invite lives in Seoul. Can‘t we just celebrate it <em>here</em>?”</p><p>Jimin gives an annoyed whine.</p><p>
  <em>“No, it needs to be Hadong-gun. I can‘t give it away yet. No spoilers. But you‘ll get it. I thought of an inner circle dinner at Granny Kim‘s on Friday. Just us and the family. Then the actual party on Saturday and anyone who doesn’t have other plans can just stay and celebrate New Year‘s Eve with us. It‘d be like a fun after-party to celebrate everyone turning one year older together.”</em>
</p><p>It‘s the most  <em>Jimin</em> plan and he <em>hates </em>the idea of spending two whole days with their families <em>and </em>Taehyung‘s friends because Taehyung is friends with <em>everyone </em>he has ever interacted with. He has no social filter whatsoever and Seokjin‘s not sure if he can pretend to like them all for more than a few hours at a time.</p><p>“I have an exam the following week, Jimin-ah-“</p><p><em>“</em>Hyung<em>! It‘s Taehyung‘s </em>birthday<em>. And I‘m </em>really not<em> going to spoil it, but we have an </em>announcement<em> to make.”</em></p><p>The last time Jimin and Taehyung had an announcement to make was a year ago when they let everyone know they would move to Seoul. Seokjin hopes the upcoming news aren’t about moving again - as far as he can judge they are both quite content with the way their life is unfolding in the capital. Taehyung loves working as a curator for the small, family-run gallery in the city center and Jimin is collecting solos like there‘s no tomorrow.</p><p>“You aren‘t moving, are you?”</p><p>
  <em>“I said no spoilers. No hints. You‘ll find out soon enough. But you have to come. You can‘t just bail on us.”  </em>
</p><p>“You know I wouldn’t. It‘s just that <em>three days</em> is <em>a lot</em> of study time and-“</p><p><em>“You can study upstairs. Or at Granny Kim‘s house. Or you could just stick to your study plan for once and review everything </em>after the<em> party. I don‘t care, just make it work!”</em></p><p><em> Touché.  </em>He sighs in defeat.</p><p>“Okay. Fine.”</p><p><em>“Great! I‘m glad it‘s all settled now”</em>, having gotten what he wanted, Jimin drops the whiny tone and turns back into his cheery, chatty self and starts to talk about the the people they want to invite - just as expected, the guest list is endless and Jimin doesn’t really need him to comment on it, so he pours the hot soy milk into Jaeboum‘s favorite cup and stirs some cinnamon in, just to show that he cares. Because he‘s the best co-worker. And because he would hate to go back to the blueprints so soon.   </p><p>
  <em>“Oh, before I forget! Taehyung also wanted me to ask you if it was okay with you if he invited Jackson Wang.”</em>
</p><p>The fact that Tae wants to invite Jackson Wang doesn’t surprise him in the slightest.</p><p>“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be okay with him inviting Jackson?”</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, you know, we just thought it might be… a bit uncomfortable for you. Because of him and Jinyoung and-”</em>
</p><p>“We‘ve already talked about this, Jimin-ah. I‘m happy for them.”</p><p>He really is. Even if he will never understand what could‘ve brought those two together - it‘s like they both live in different universes, but it seems to work just fine. They‘ve been dating for over five months now and Seokjin has been rooting for them since the first Insta story. From the bottom of his cold heart. Because he‘s wholesome like this. </p><p>
  <em>“Are you sure?”</em>
</p><p>It would be great if his friends could finally accept him being above their level of pettiness too.</p><p>“Yes. Jinyoung and I still talk sometimes at university, you know? We‘re good. I <em>told</em> <em>him</em> I was happy he was dating Jackson.”</p><p><em>“Okay. Just wanted to make sure"</em>, Jimin pauses for a second before going on. "<em>I‘m happy for them too. It‘s insane how people can be friends for ages and then decide to start dating out of the blue and fall in love and realize the one they‘ve been looking for has been right in front of them all this time, don’t you think, hyung?”</em></p><p>Classic Jimin. Of course, he would make this about Taehyung and himself too. Sometimes it feels like they believe each and every love story ever was inspired by theirs, which is kind of endearing, but also really annoying. Seokjin is about to tell him that when the door opens behind him.</p><p>“I guess? Jimin-ah, it was <em>lovely </em>talking to you, but I need to get going now.”</p><p>He ends the call without waiting for Jimin‘s answer and whirls around just to find himself nose to nose with a very tired Wheein. </p><p>“Sexy boyfriend call you again? You shouldn’t have hung up. I don’t mind being ignored. Too drained to keep convo anyway”, she mumbles as she pushes him aside nonchalantly to get to the coffee machine. Seokjin‘s heart still drops at the b-word, but he collects himself within seconds. He has had enough time to get used to the feeling after all. </p><p>“No, I was just talking to a friend. He invited me to his boyfriend‘s <em>birthday weekend</em>.”</p><p>Wheein fixes a few loose strands that managed to escape her tight ponytail while she waits for the coffee and huffs at Seokjin‘s gloomy tone.</p><p>“I would literally give an arm to get away from this dumpster fire of a firm for a weekend.”</p><p>Dead eyes, hollowed out cheeks, rumpled suit and all, she does look like someone who could use a break. Life as a tax department assistant must be hell. He should be grateful for his job. </p><p>“Bad day?”</p><p>“Bad week. If I see another tax statement I‘m going to throw myself out of a window.”</p><p>“Tax statements suck.”</p><p>“I hate them. But hey, at least the wicked bitch of the tax is still gone”, she laughs and Seokjin joins her even though the mention of Park Nari aka the worst superior of all times still makes his stomach do a flip. She was transferred to the firm‘s other seat to terrorize a different set of employees more than half a year ago, but he still flinches whenever someone enters his room. Old habits die hard. </p><p>“Imagine how she would have reacted, if Hwan Seyon-nim would’ve presented his Christmas plans to her”, Wheein says, flinging herself on a chair. </p><p>“She would‘ve set the whole building on fire.”</p><p>Seokjin is sure that no managing partner would have dared propose anything as outrageous as a western-style office Christmas party to someone as obsessed with keeping everything traditional and <em>intimate </em>as Park Nari. He shivers at the memory of the monthly hweshiks. </p><p>“God, I <em>hated </em>her.”</p><p>“Good riddance.”</p><p>Wheein holds out her cup to clank it against Jaebeom‘s and she exes her double espresso like a shot. Gross. Getting through the first two years of law school without turning into a coffee addict is something he‘s ridiculously proud of. Even if everyone keeps bullying him about it.</p><p>“I should get back to work now. The outline of that one appeal we talked about needs to be finished today”, he says and Wheein doesn’t try to hold him back. Or at least she doesn’t try to hold him back verbally. She looks up at him with her infamous puppy eyes, but having spent his teens around baby Jungkook, he is immune to them. </p><p>“You should bring your boyfriend along. To the Christmas party.”</p><p>Seokjin freezes halfway to the door, nearly dropping the cup. A few droplets of the disgusting soy cappuccino splash onto the white tiles. <em>Oh, God, why?</em></p><p>“He won‘t be in Korea for Christmas.”</p><p>“Maybe he would come if you invited him. It‘s literally so selfish of you to keep him to yourself like that, Seokjin-sshi. Everyone is <em>dying </em>to meet him.”</p><p>He likes Wheein. A lot. She‘s great. But he would sell his soul to get her to stop being so shameless when it comes to his made-up relationship. </p><p>“No, Wheein, only you are. And I‘m still convinced that getting a dating app would cure your obsession with other people‘s love lives.”</p><p>She laughs. As if Seokjin wasn’t deadly serious. </p><p>“I‘m only obsessed with yours. It‘s just too perfect. And people who have already found their soulmates literally don’t deserve to have opinions on dating, so stop trying to persuade me to hook up with random strangers!”</p><p><em> It‘s just too perfect </em>. She has no idea. He needs to get out. The coffee has gone cold. He hopes Jaebeom will still appreciate it.</p><p>[He spends the rest of the afternoon <em>working </em>and ignoring the memes Jungkook sends him.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It‘s not like Seokjin doesn’t <em>want </em>to tell Jungkook. He has been meaning to since the very first time he lied about him to free himself from Park Nari‘s nagging. But bringing it up right after Jungkook had told him about his hook up with that tattoo artist would’ve been too weird and Seokjin felt too bad to react appropriately anyway and then the day after he kind of forgot and the day after that day it seemed like too much time had passed and then he decided that it could wait until everyone at the office had forgotten about the whole thing. He could have mentioned it casually sometime later and they could have had a good laugh about it. But then it escalated. The whole story got out of control and dropping it during a virtual conversation didn’t seem like an option anymore.</p><p>He tries to tell him in person. All the time. Confession always on the tip of his tongue, but the words kind of just die on his lips as soon as he tries to force them out. The timing is never quite right and he always shuts down at the idea of Jungkook getting mad at him. Keeping him happy is still one of his primary needs. And he seems to be under the weather way too often these days.</p><p>It‘s like the company is killing his spark. They make him cover up the tattoos on his hand and stick to the mainstream trends when it comes to the album designs and his co-workers aren’t young or nice enough to make friends with. Jungkook acts like everything is fine, naturally. Not measuring up to his supervisor‘s expectations or admitting that signing the first contract he had been offered might have been a rash decision would probably physically kill him.</p><p>But sometimes when they are lounging around in the living room after one too many drinks and it‘s too dark to see anything but the blueish outlines of the furniture or when they are walking along <em>Han </em>river and too busy watching the falling autumn leaves to look at each other, Jungkook will ask Seokjin if he thinks <em>mono</em> was his peak and if his artistic career is bound to go downhill from there or if not applying to a master‘s program was a dumb decision. And Seokjin will laugh and tell him to stop being so dramatic and acting like his life is already over when he is practically still a baby. And then he will ruffle his hair until it‘s all messed up and Jungkook‘s face scrunches up from the effort of keeping the laughter in and they will end up rolling off the couch or crash landing on a heap of golden leaves. And Jungkook‘s smile will light everything up and his eyes will sparkle like he‘s an animated character straight out of a <em>Disney </em>movie and the fact that he‘s the one responsible for it will make Seokjin a bit dizzy with pride and the thought of erasing it will be so devastating that he will simply choose to put the ugly truth off. Again and again. Until the universe decides to step in and mess everything up.</p><p>*</p><p>Seokjin isn’t sure if grocery shopping is a typical roommate activity. He can‘t remember ever doing it with Yoongi or Hoseok, but Jungkook loves to tag along to weekday after-work events even if they are as unspectacular as a little trip to the nearest supermarket. As long as he gets to test Seokjin‘s patience and make him pay for his snacks, he‘s content.</p><p>“Jungkook-ah, I‘m not saying it again. Put that disgusting shit back where you got it from or so help me!”</p><p>Jungkook is grinning widely, holding the <em>Ben and Jerry‘s Mint Choco Cookie </em>container close to his chest, ready to squirm out of Seokjin‘s grip in case he decides to try and wrestle it out of his arms again. What an insufferable brat.</p><p>“You literally don‘t have to eat it though. Why can‘t you just let me have it? I‘ll pay you back!”</p><p>“You always say that and yet I‘ve never seen a single won. Do you have any idea how much you owe me?”</p><p>“Then what difference does one more ice cream make?”</p><p>“It‘s not just ice cream! It‘s a crime against humanity!”</p><p>His voice is getting hoarse from semi-screaming and he considers attacking Jungkook again when he hears a familiar voice and the blood freezes in his veins. </p><p>“Seokjin-sunbae?”</p><p>Soobin, one of their interns, is smiling at him from across the ice cream aisle. <em>Fuck</em>. He lets go of Jungkook immediately. This is bad. Like, really, really bad. </p><p>“Oh. Soobin-sshi. Hi.”</p><p>He judges himself for being impolite, of course, but he <em>prays</em> that precious, sweet Soobin will get a clue for once in his life. <em>Pleasepleaseplease, let him just leave!</em> </p><p>He shows no intent in doing so. Of course not. He has no idea that he is about to ruin a lifelong friendship.</p><p>“How are you, sunbae?”</p><p>“Great. Never better. And you?”</p><p>The tense fake smile is splitting his face in two. He doesn’t dare to look at Jungkook. </p><p>“Thanks, I‘m fine too!”, then he turns to Jungkook, still smiling, completely oblivious to the fact that Seokjin is about to have a nervous break-down right here and right now, “I‘m sorry, but are you-“</p><p>Seokjin can‘t let him finish the sentence. The disaster should still be preventable. Even if it means rudely interrupting him in an overly cheerful tone. </p><p>“Yes! He is! Jungkook-ah, say hello to Soobin. He‘s an intern at my firm.” </p><p>Being rude to Soobin feels like kicking a puppy, but he can worry about making it up to him later. He could type out those protocols or copy some files for him. Yes. That will have to do. Soobin will forgive him. </p><p>He grabs Jungkook‘s arm and starts subtly dragging him towards the check-out. Jungkook looks confused, but he greets the boy, nevertheless. Being the sweet, friendly co-worker he is, Soobin starts walking along with them. <em>Beaming</em> at Jungkook. <em>Shitshitshit</em>. </p><p>“I thought you lived in Europe! Seokjin-sunbae told us all about-”</p><p>Maybe he should just trip him. Would that be too mean?</p><p>“Yeah, well, he‘s in Korea now. And we really need to get going. The ice cream will melt if we stay any lon-”</p><p>“Are you visiting Seokjin-sunbae?”</p><p>Why is he even trying? His heart is about to fall out of his chest and he only has himself to blame. He mustn’t have lied in the first place. Suits him right to get exposed by the nicest person he deceived.</p><p>“Uhm, no, I actually moved in with him like two months ago.”</p><p>Seokjin doesn’t have to look up from the nearly empty shopping cart to know Jungkook is shooting him a questioning look, his brows furrowed in confusion and he can basically see Soobin‘s eyes light up at the news. He hates himself so, so, so much. </p><p>“Oh, that‘s so great! You didn‘t even tell me, sunbae!”</p><p>“I, uhm, I was busy.”</p><p>“It‘s okay! I‘m glad you guys are reunited at last. I can only imagine how difficult it has to be, being in a long-distance relationship and all -”, Soobin keeps on talking, but Seokjin doesn’t really hear the rest. His brain stops working after he drops the <em>relationship</em>-bomb. There. It‘s out now. He lets go of Jungkook‘s arm and starts scanning the items from the cart mechanically. <em>Fuckfuckfuckfuck.</em></p><p>“ - my best friend and his ex only managed two months or so. Although she only moved to Japan, so they could still meet up quite regularly. But it‘s so nice to see that it worked out for you! And it‘s so cool to meet you in person! Seokjin-sunbae told me all about you working on <em>mono </em>and I - oh, sorry. I‘m talking too much again.”</p><p>Jungkook pushes the <em>Mint Choco Cookie </em>ice cream into his hands without looking at him and starts putting the meat and vegetables into the <em>I Love Berlin </em>shopping bag. </p><p>“No, not at all! You‘re actually the first one of Seokjin-hyung‘s colleagues I get to meet, so I‘m glad we bumped into each other!”</p><p>Jungkook doesn’t sound upset. That‘s probably bad news. Seokjin still can‘t bring himself to look at him or at Soobin, so he‘s thankful when they exchange their goodbyes and best wishes without his participation. Until he realizes that Soobin leaving means staying alone with Jungkook. It‘s a panic-inducing thought. </p><p>They don‘t talk on the way to the car and Seokjin would gladly keep the silence up. Pretend the whole conversation never happened. But his fingers are shaking when he grabs the steering wheel and then Jungkook‘s soft voice tears through the stillness and he wants to get out and run away.</p><p>“Hyung? Are you alright?”</p><p>He nods because it‘s not like <em>he </em>is the victim here.</p><p>“What- what was that all about?”</p><p>Okay. Here he goes. Jungkook will <em>hate </em>him, but it‘s okay. He has the right to know. </p><p>“I-might-have-told-everyone-in-the-office-we-were-dating.”</p><p>There. He said it. It was probably a bit too fast and incoherent for Jungkook to understand, but still a good start. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>He crosses his arms on the steering wheel and buries his face in them. This is awful. He needs a fucking break from himself. How could someone so painfully dumb even get into Seoul Law University? He has a total of, like, two brain cells. Who goes around telling people they are dating their childhood best friend without asking them for permission first? Why couldn’t he just make up an imaginary boyfriend like any normal person?</p><p>“Everyone at the office thinks we are dating. Because I told them we were. Well, not exactly dating. I might have gone all out and told them we were together. Like, an established couple. That you were my boyfriend and that we had this perfect long-distance relationship and- oh, God. Saying it out loud makes it even worse. I‘m so sorry.”</p><p>It‘s quiet again for a few heartbeats and he‘s braced for Jungkook getting angry and lashing out at him, but it doesn’t happen. He‘s probably too shocked and too busy feeling betrayed. Understandable reaction.</p><p>“Oh. But… why?”</p><p>Seokjin steals a glance at his huge eyes and sighs against the steering wheel. It‘s not like he made it all up <em>for</em> <em>fun</em>. He can explain. Kind of. The backstory doesn’t make it that much better, but at least it won‘t seem like he abused Jungkook‘s trust just because.</p><p>“Do you remember when I told you about that one annoying partner everyone hates?”</p><p>Jungkook thinks for a moment.</p><p>“The one who threw a file against the wall because of one grammar mistake in an appeal and hates everyone but you, because she thinks you‘re hot and charming for some incomprehensible reason?”</p><p>Seokjin cringes at the memory of Park Nari‘s file throwing fit and the flirty remarks. Oh, how much he hates that woman.</p><p>“Yes. Her. I‘ve told you how she kept joking about me being the firm‘s visual and complimenting me and stuff, right?”</p><p>Jungkook nods again and he seems even more confused than before and Seokjin already regrets bringing her up. He should have skipped this part. But it is kind of crucial to the fake-relationship story. Even if talking about her makes his skin crawl.</p><p>“Well. After some time it got really uncomfortable, you know? It wasn’t just… just jokes and nice little compliments anymore, but, like, full-on flirting and hitting on me, you know? In front of my boss and all the other lawyers and in private too and -“</p><p>It‘s funny how talking about these things still has his stomach in knots. He‘s being overdramatic again. It wasn’t even that bad. Well, except for that one time she got really drunk at a celebratory dinner after winning a huge tax fraud process for the firm and kept making those gross sexual innuendos everyone else seemed to find hilarious. That evening got him thinking about quitting for real. </p><p>But those inappropriate comments were probably not bad enough to justify using a friend like that. Jungkook must see where this is going because he seems upset now. Rightfully so. He needs to take a deep breath before he can continue.</p><p>“- and then I asked one of the other students why she wasn’t so pushy with him because he was really handsome, and it turned out that he talked about his girlfriend whenever he was around her and apparently that was a real lady-boner-killer. So, I started casually mentioning being in a relationship too and <em>it worked</em>, because she started being awful to me, but like, not in a violating-personal-boundaries-kind-of-awful-way. She wasn’t really convinced though. I guess I‘m not that good of an actor. After some time <em>Kim Seokjin‘s fake boyfriend</em> became her new running gag at hweshiks -“</p><p>Inhale. Exhale. It‘s okay. The <em>fake boyfriend phase</em> wasn’t actually that bad. Humiliating? Yes. Definitely. But it didn’t make him want to throw up or anything. He‘s being pathetic. </p><p>“- and then she caught me face timing you. It was that one time you got stuck at that lame party where everyone fell asleep or got too high to function. When I had to end the call so abruptly. She wanted to know who you were and Wheein asked if you were my famous boyfriend and I know I shouldn’t have lied, but it was <em>so</em> <em>easy</em> and tempting at the moment, so I said yes. Just to get rid of her. I didn’t think anyone else would remember, but people kept asking questions after Soobin told them you were insta-famous and I kept making up answers to make it believable and it just kind of happened and -“</p><p>“You never told me.”</p><p>Seokjin finally looks at him and regrets it immediately. He can‘t remember the last time he saw Jungkook look this angry and <em>hurt</em>. Fuck. He must hate him.</p><p>“I know. I‘m sorry. It wasn’t okay to use you like this and I meant to tell you, really, but I was so ashamed and so afraid that you would hate me that I kept-“ </p><p>“<em>Not that part</em>!”, Jungkook snaps.</p><p>“Not that part?”</p><p>“No. You never told me you were fucking sexually harassed at work!”</p><p>Oh. <em>That </em>part. Sexual harassment sounds wrong. Like an extreme exaggeration. Hah. <em>Ex</em>treme <em>ex</em>aggeration. And Jungkook is missing the point. This confession isn’t about Park Nari being a disgusting hag. It‘s about Seokjin being a really bad hyung.  </p><p>“I wasn’t <em>harassed</em>.It wasn’t that bad. She just… she just liked to flirt and tease and- and it‘s not like she ever <em>touched </em>me inappropriately or anythi-”</p><p>“Verbal harassment is still harassment! And she was your fucking superior, she can‘t just- why didn’t you tell me? We literally talked every single day, hyung, how could you not mention it?”</p><p>He doesn’t get why Jungkook is so hung up on this. Yes, it was awful and uncomfortable, but he took care of it. And Park Nari got promoted and transferred to the firm‘s second seat last spring, so it‘s not like they have to meet, like, ever again. </p><p>“I don‘t know, Jungkook, this isn’t even the point, I-“</p><p>“<em>Hyung!”</em></p><p>“I- I guess I just didn’t want to bother you?”</p><p>“What do you mean you didn‘t want to <em>bother me</em>? You can tell me <em>anything</em>.” </p><p>Jungkook is clutching the <em>Ben and Jerry‘s</em> container so fiercely that Seokjin is sure the ice cream has already started melting. He feels like something inside of him is melting too and he can‘t really pinpoint if it‘s good or bad. All he knows is that it takes all of his willpower to restrain himself from reaching out and taking Jungkook‘s hand. That would be a weird thing to do. And things are weird enough as they are.</p><p>“I know, Kookie.”</p><p>“I mean it, hyung. You- you never tell me when anything‘s wrong and I hate it. You don‘t have to pretend to be perfectly happy all the time. You don‘t have to- to <em>protect</em> me, okay? I can be there for you too, you know?”</p><p><em> Fuck it</em>. Seokjin takes his hand. Still unsure how they ended up <em>here </em>when Jungkook should have been angry about the fake relationship thing. He can‘t complain, though. Holding hands is nice. Even if Jungkook‘s skin is rough under his touch. There are tiny cracks in the foundation his company makes him cover the tattoos up with. He makes a mental note on buying him a pair of gloves. And some fancy, winter-edition hand lotion too.</p><p>“I know. But it‘s fine now. Really. We don‘t even work in the same building anymore. It wasn’t that dramatic. I swear. It‘s okay now.”</p><p>He doesn’t seem convinced, but it‘s alright.</p><p>“Just… just don‘t let anyone ever treat you like that again, okay?”</p><p>Seokjin nods with his throat sore. Jungkook lets go of his hand to open the ice cream and shuffle a huge chunk into his mouth with the shitty wooden spatula. Screw <em>Ben and Jerry‘s</em>. The smell of chocolaty toothpaste fills up the little car and Seokjin is sure it would make him gag if he wasn’t living his nightmare scenario. The fact that Jungkook doesn’t seem fazed by his lie makes him wonder if he processed it at all. Probably not. He clears his throat.</p><p>“So… I get it if you‘re mad about- about the other thing.”</p><p>“What other thing?”</p><p>“Me telling strangers that we are a couple without your knowledge?” </p><p>Jungkook frowns and shrugs.</p><p>“I don‘t really care”, he mumbles with his mouth full and Seokjin‘s falls open.</p><p>“What do you mean you don‘t care?”</p><p>“It‘s okay with me. I don‘t mind.”</p><p>“Jungkook-ah. I‘ve been losing sleep over this affair for over a year now. I felt <em>horrible. </em>How can you <em>not care</em>?”</p><p>He‘s trying to hide it, but Seokjin can spot the tiny smile ghosting over Jungkook‘s chocolate smeared lips. [Kissing him right now would probably make him sick. <em>Cursedcursedcursed </em>intrusive thought. Erase and forget.]</p><p>“I mean, it‘s a bit weird, but I get it. You needed a hot, young trophy boyfriend to make you seem cool and inapproachable and you don‘t really have a chance on finding one for real, so you went for the sexiest guy you know. I would’ve picked me too.”</p><p>Seokjin pushes Jungkook and feels his ears turn red with rage at the sight of his smirk. He‘s a hopeless case, just like Jimin and Taehyung. Not deserving of the <em>favorite</em>-title.</p><p>“Oh, God. I‘ll tell everyone I dumped you for being an obnoxious brat first thing tomorrow.”</p><p>“Good luck finding another imaginary boyfriend who‘s willing to put up with your bullshit, hyung.”</p><p>“I dare you to go on. One more insult and you can get out and walk home, Kookie.”</p><p>“It may come as a surprise to you, but <em>young </em>people can actually walk for twenty minutes without dying of exhaustion.”</p><p>He gasps at the disrespect, but it‘s hard to stay mad when there are feathers of relief swirling around in his chest.</p><p>[Seokjin tosses and turns and ends up knocking on Jungkook‘s bedroom door a few minutes after midnight. <em>I didn’t tell anyone. </em>Jungkook blinks up at him sleepily and Seokjin groans because he <em>really </em>hates everything about this confession, but he has to make sure Jungkook knows. He owes him that much. <em>About Park Nari. The creepy partner. Only you. And I would’ve told you back then, but the whole story was too embarrassing and disgusting, and saying it out loud would’ve made it worse, so. I didn’t. But if I had </em>wanted<em> to tell someone it would’ve been you. It‘s always you when it comes to the depressing shit. So. Yeah. Just wanted you to know that. </em>Every word feels like ripping himself open and he cringes so hard it‘s a miracle he doesn’t explode from embarrassment. He turns to leave immediately after finishing the monologue. Not waiting for Jungkook‘s reaction. But his voice stops him at the door. <em>Hyung? You don‘t have to tell your colleagues that you dumped me. I mean. You can keep fake-dating me if you want to.</em> So he does.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Turns out Jungkook thinks that making up their fake-relationship is the most hilarious thing Seokjin has ever done and true to his despicable demon-self he brings it up at every opportunity.</p><p>
  <em>“As your fake-boyfriend, I should be entitled to eat the last doughnut, hyung. People usually aren’t this selfish when it comes to their significant other.”</em>
</p><p><em>“I think as your fake-boyfriend I should enjoy the privilege of streaming from the living room. As a supportive partner, you should </em>encourage <em>me to act out my artistic fantasies.”</em></p><p><em>“No, you can‘t change your wallpaper! As my fake-boyfriend, you should feel </em>blessed <em>to see my face every time you look at your phone!”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Why don‘t you ever pack me bento boxes, hyung? Shouldn’t you make sure your fake-boyfriend doesn’t live off of fast food?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“As your fake-boyfriend, I don‘t approve of you leaving the house wearing that, hyung. We can‘t let anyone believe I have sex with someone who wears pink sweatpants in public.”</em>
</p><p>It must be karma or God or the universe punishing him. It‘s still better than Jungkook hating him though, so he takes it like a man. He even allows him to tell his German friends and Yugyeom (as long as he spares the whole Park Nari part out and presents it as an unfortunate misunderstanding) which results in some really awkward dinners when they visit Jungkook. Keeping his cool when Sina‘s Korean girlfriend addresses him as <em>JK‘s famous fake-boyfriend</em> must be high up on the list of the most embarrassing things he has ever had to endure. But it‘s okay. Atonement cleanses the soul. And Jungkook seems to be having the time of his life. So he decides to suffer through it, wishing and hoping and praying that it‘s just a phase.</p><p>Turns out it‘s not.</p><p>When his birthday rolls around, Seokjin stays up until one am, waiting for the first greetings to collect the data necessary for the yearly re-ranking of the hierarchy of his friends. Only getting five messages is a little bit disappointing, but the fact that Namjoon remembers and keeps the time difference in mind to make sure he gets his text at midnight sharp makes him smile. Just like Hoseok‘s emoji storm. It‘s nice to have friends who aren’t out to ruin his birthday before it has even begun.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>00:12</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>happy birthday hyung congrats on getting one year older and closer to thirty and death I hope ur okay &lt;3</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes he would love to strangle Jungkook. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>00:14</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Thanks kookie, I appreciate your text message &lt;3</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>00:15</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>A real friend would’ve surprised me with a cake or a present. </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>00:15</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Just saying. </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>00:15</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>But its ok. No hard feelings. </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>00:17</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yoongi and Hobi did it. Every year. They even sang for me. #justdecentroommatethings</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Jungkook types, deletes, then starts typing again. It‘s absurd that they are having this text conversation when they are literally under the same roof. He could just come over to his bedroom and bring along a cake or something. What‘s the point of living together if he doesn’t even get a proper birthday greeting out of it? </p><p>[On second thought, it‘s better if everyone stays in their respective rooms. A midnight surprise could trigger another row of <em>cursedcursedcursed</em> intrusive thoughts and he would rather not deal with those on his special day.]</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>00:21</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>don’t worry BIG surprise coming up tomorrw ;)</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>[Too late. He should find himself a good psychiatrist. Must be the divorce trauma.]</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The surprise is hands down the worst thing that has ever happened to Seokjin and he seriously contemplates ending their friendship over it. And quitting his job. Heck, if he were his boss, he would <em>fire </em>himself for being the reason those atrocities could find their way into the office.</p><p>After the suspiciously quiet and civil breakfast, he is braced for a horrible public birthday post with a selection of the least flattering photos Jungkook has ever taken of him (and there‘s <em>a lot</em> of those - he has a talent for finding the worst angles and catching his least worldwide handsome moments) or a mean present or a mint chocolate cake. Not for the actual surprise though.</p><p>Jaebeom‘s sympathetic look should have given him a heads-up.</p><p>But nothing could have prepared him for the life-sized alpaca pinata and the huge heart-shaped <em>Happy Birthday </em>and <em>Hello 30 </em>balloons waiting in the common kitchen. There‘s a pink cake with his name on it too. Strawberry flavored. Because apparently, he can‘t let Seokjin have nice things.  </p><p>His first instinct is to run away and bury himself alive. It‘s not really a possibility though: The whole third floor has assembled to take pictures of the alpaca and Wheein starts singing as soon as she spots him. And everyone joins in. It‘s <em>awful</em>, but he has to fake a smile and bow to the crowd and slice the cake and confirm that Jungkook is in fact the <em>sweetest</em> boyfriend ever and explain that he‘s not thirty yet and that he can‘t eat the cake because he‘s on a diet, but two of the elderly reception ladies practically force him to choke down a thin slice regardless of his polite protests. <em>Aish, it‘s your birthday! You need to eat a slice! For good luck!</em></p><p>He wants to die. And to kill Jungkook. Especially when Soobin asks if they can destroy the pinata and the whole secretary staff turns to him buzzing with anticipation. </p><p>“Sure. Go ahead. Have a blast. I need to get going though. Gotta call Jungkook to thank him for the surprise.”</p><p>He manages to escape the kitchen before the scene of a bunch of adults in business suits hitting a pinata with an umbrella could traumatize him irrevocably. Hiding in a bathroom stall, he texts Jungkook to let him know how much he <em>hates </em>him and that he‘s uninvited from the birthday dinner his <em>real friends </em>have planned for him. Jungkook has the audacity to send back a row of laughing crying emojis and a single heart.  </p><p>[He makes the mistake of allowing his mind to linger on one (1) intrusive thought as a little birthday treat because it isn’t a <em>cursedcursedcursed </em>image, but a question this time. And at first, it doesn’t seem cursed enough to dismiss at once: Would Jungkook also be such a cruel, disrespectful monster if they were together for real? Seokjin ponders over it. In the safety of the ridiculously clean, flower-scented bathroom and at his file-covered desk and on his way to lunch with his mom. The answer is <em>yes</em>. Definitely. Not because being horrible is a Jungkook-thing. Seokjin is sure he was always very kind and sweet to Mina. It‘s a <em>Jungkook-and-Seokjin-thing</em>. Being in a real relationship with Jungkook would feel like a psycho mind game or a survival reality show. He could never let his guard down. But then again, isn’t their friendship like that already? Adding a romantic slash sexual (<em>cursedcursedcursed</em>) level to it would make everything more intense and extreme and he wouldn’t get any sleep at all. Worrying about Jungkook‘s next dumb and unnecessary scheme would probably keep him up all night. There‘d be no taboos. Just prank wars and bickering and physical fights and- and then his train of thoughts spirals out of control and there are unholy images in his head and they set him on fire and he‘s burning up and he has to ask his mom to excuse him as soon as he enters the restaurant. It‘s concerning how much of his birthday he spends cursing Jungkook‘s name and trying to cool his flaming red face in public toilets. No more intrusive treats for him.]</p><p> </p><p>Being too pure and too good for this world, Seokjin cancels the uninvitation after the eighteenth apology text and allows Jungkook to tag along to the fancy Japanese fusion restaurant Yoongi picked out for the occasion. </p><p>It‘s just the eight of them and Seokjin receives so many <em>actually useful </em>presents, like the Y-shaped julienne peeler and the meat-tenderizer he had been eyeing for months, that he forgets to call everyone (except for Hobi) out for not wishing him a happy birthday right after midnight. They talk about the new Chinese queer drama and the guy Yong-Sun is dating and Jimin‘s upcoming performance and they all coo over the picture of the fluffy, white puppy Yoongi and Hoseok will adopt in less than two weeks and it‘s so nice and familiar that Seokjin can‘t stay mad at anyone - after the first two rounds of teriyaki sushi and premium sake, he feels generous enough to forgive Jungkook. Watching him struggle to keep the office incident to himself is actually kind of fun. Satisfying enough to make tipsy Seokjin go all soft and tender. He even feeds him a few spoonfuls of his chocolate mousse. </p><p>Everything is warm and sparkly and just overall great. Until he bumps into Taehyung in the bathroom. Because, honestly, where else could everything turn bad again?</p><p>“Having fun, hyung?”</p><p>“Yes. Of course. It‘s a really nice birthday dinner. I mean, it has nothing on the stuff Jimin has planned for yours, but it‘s still great!”</p><p>Taehyung laughs, drying his hands on his flowy slacks. </p><p>“I‘m really glad you can come. We would’ve postponed it if you couldn’t.”</p><p>Maybe it‘s just the alcohol, but Seokjin‘s heart feels really, really full. Tae is great. He loves him.</p><p>“Can‘t wait for the announcement. I hope it‘s not about moving back to Busan though. It‘s not, right?”</p><p>Taehyung shakes his head.</p><p>“No. It‘s a good announcement.”</p><p><em>Thank God.</em> He has gotten used to having them around. Wednesday nights wouldn’t be the same without Taehyung making them watch another gruesome horror movie and Jimin shrieking through every second of it.</p><p>“Okay. That‘s good to hear. I‘m hyped. But you really gotta let me through now.”</p><p>He tries to make his way past the sinks, but Taehyung grabs his arm.</p><p>“Hyung? Can we talk for a second? About Jungkook?”</p><p>Taehyung‘s voice has a frightening serenity to it all of a sudden and Seokjin almost pees himself when he says Jungkook‘s name. Which is weird. He isn’t used to his heart stopping at the mention of him since he came clean about the fake-relationship thing. Must be muscle memory. </p><p>“What about him?”</p><p>“Jimin and I think that you should take him out or something.”</p><p>“Take him out? You mean, like, with a gun?” </p><p>He has no idea why he just said that. Must have been muscle memory too. He‘s sure that a few years ago Taehyung would have found it funny. Now he just quirks an eyebrow and looks unimpressed.</p><p>“No. To the movies. Or a museum. Amusement park. You get the idea.”</p><p>No, he doesn’t. And he doesn’t want to get it either. Sounds like a <em>cursedcursedcursed </em>idea. His face must give him away because Taehyung runs his fingers through his hair with a dramatic exhale. </p><p>“I‘m worried about him, hyung. I don‘t think he‘s very happy here. In Seoul, I mean. He doesn’t like his job and he hasn’t really made any new friends and he spends way too much time at the gallery and I don’t mind him hanging around, but it‘s a bit concerning that that‘s his idea of fun and my boss is getting annoyed because he thinks his presence could scare our older costumers away, and Jiminie and I are afraid he‘ll eventually just pack his stuff and fly back to Berlin or Busan. So. You should do more fun stuff, hyung.”</p><p>Oh. So that’s what it‘s all about. </p><p>“Jungkook wouldn’t fly back to Germany just because he doesn’t like his <em>temporary </em>job. And he <em>has </em>friends in Seoul. Most people don’t need an army of them, Taehyung-ah. It‘s not like he‘s <em>unhappy</em>. His contract runs out in January and then he can just find a job he likes more and- and I‘m not the only one who could do more fun stuff with him anyway. Why don‘t <em>you </em>take him out?”</p><p>Taehyung‘s eyes widen comically. He obviously wasn’t braced for the question.</p><p>“I-I‘m busy. <em>We‘re </em>busy. With important, confidential business.”</p><p>It‘s Seokjin‘s turn to raise his eyebrows.</p><p>“I can‘t get into it. You‘ll know when you‘ll know, hyung. But my point is that you should be nicer to him. And do more fun stuff and… yeah. You should do that.”</p><p>Maybe Tae is drunker than he seems. </p><p>“Right. I will try. But I <em>really </em>need to use the toilet now.”</p><p>He lets him pass and by the time he finishes Taehyung is back at Jimin‘s side, throwing grapes at Jungkook who does an impressive job of catching them with his mouth. It‘s like nothing has happened. Except that Seokjin can‘t get Tae‘s words out of his head and the idea of Jungkook leaving makes his heart clench around itself. In a bad way. He has gotten too used to him doing their laundry and the dishes to let that happen. So he makes a mental note on doing <em>more fun stuff. </em>Whatever that's supposed to mean.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung? Can I come to the Christmas party?”</p><p>Seokjin almost crashes his car into Princess Peach at the question. They are in the middle of a Mario Kart race, so he can‘t look away from the screen to check if he‘s grinning, but he would bet his new julienne peeler aka his most prized possession that he is. Distracting him by almost giving him a heart attack would be a classic Jungkook game plan. </p><p>“<em>What?”</em></p><p>“To your Christmas office party. As your plus one.”</p><p>He slips out on a banana and loses control of the car to Jungkook‘s audible delight. Great.  </p><p>“<em>No. </em>Why would you want to come to the Christmas party? It‘s just a bunch of bitter lawyers and their slaves getting drunk and congratulating each other on being influential assholes with no morals.”</p><p>Perhaps he‘s exaggerating. But the thought of showing up with Jungkook and putting on a real live show for all of his co-workers makes his palms so sweaty he can barely hold on to the controller.</p><p>“Yeah, but it‘s in the National Museum.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>Seokjin passes Luigi just to nearly race into a turtle shell. That‘s why he established the no-talking-when-gaming-rule. Why can‘t Jungkook just shut up and stick to it?</p><p>“So? It‘s the coolest location <em>ever</em>. And I really want to see the new exhibition. The Buddhist painting gallery. And seeing it by night, basically having the whole building to myself and getting drunk and eating fancy food for free would really upgrade the experience, you know? And not inviting your art-loving fake-boyfriend along would kinda make you look like an asshole.”</p><p>Seokjin hates that he‘s losing the game. He also hates how Jungkook actually has a point for once in his life. Ever since Soobin has told Jaebeom that Jungkook was living with him now, more and more people have casually asked him if his boyfriend was coming to the Christmas party. </p><p>“You don‘t even have a proper suit”, he croaks out.</p><p>“Can‘t I just borrow one of yours?” </p><p>His mouth goes dry as he imagines Jungkook wearing one of his suits. <em>Cursedcursedcursed. </em>Bringing up suits was a bad idea. The worst. He should answer, but his head feels empty and the clock is ticking and then Jungkook pauses the game and turns to him and Seokjin has to look at him because that’s what people do during conversations, isn’t it? </p><p>Fatal mistake.</p><p>Soft. Pretty. Hurt. </p><p>
  <em>You should do more fun stuff, hyung.</em>
</p><p>Jungkook undoes his bun and shakes his hair out of his face. Biting the inside of his lips. Not meeting his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>“Sorry. It was just an idea, hyung. You don‘t have to say yes if you don’t want to. Sorry for being too pushy.”</p><p>
  <em>Jiminie and I are afraid he‘ll eventually just pack his stuff and fly back to Berlin or Busan. </em>
</p><p>“No! It‘s fine! Sorry for zoning out”, he forces a smile on his face. “Of course you can borrow one of mine.”</p><p>Jungkook looks up with the tiniest, sheepish little grin and a hair tie between his teeth and Seokjin feels the feathers in his chest again. They are swirling around in him and the way they brush up against his inside makes him so light-headed that he forgets all about the rainbow road.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes. I‘d love for you to come. Showing up without a date would be lame anyway.”</p><p>Adding the <em>fake </em>before the datewould be obsolete at this point, right? It‘s not like they haven’t established the nature of their fake relationship painfully clearly. So they go back to playing and Jungkook wins. Again. Like he always does.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>And so they go to the office Christmas party together.</p><p>Seokjin‘s heart is hammering in his chest and head and spine when he gets out of the cab. Has been ever since he caught the first glance of Jungkook in his second-best suit. It was a tight fit, but it had to do. Seokjin helped him with the tie and brushed his hair out of his eyes to make him more presentable and asked Jungkook to <em>please act like a decent human being for once and try to make everyone believe he didn’t consider him his mortal enemy</em>, to which he just scrunched up his nose and asked him to <em>please stop worrying and have a little more trust in him</em>. A pathetic request. Couldn’t stop Seokjin from spending the whole ride quizzing Jungkook on the details of their fake-relationship.</p><p><em>“Hyung, I‘m not dumb! It‘s not like there‘s a lot to remember”</em>, Jungkook groaned and went on to revise it all, counting the stations of their timeline down on his fingers.<em> “We‘ve dated throughout my first college year in Seoul, official couple after the fifth one, erase Berlin year one, long-distance for one and a half year with sappy presents and an anniversary-visit, then I moved back to Korea and here we are now, still going strong. I know it all. Stop making a fuss about it.”</em></p><p>The entrance hall is decorated with the law firm‘s indigo banners and an overwhelming amount of garlands and fairy lights. <em>Horrendous. </em>Jimin would love it, he thinks as he tips the young girl at the coat check and steers towards the reception desk to get his name tag. They all have Christmassy designs. Ew. He‘s about to comment on how at least the star on his is fitting when Jungkook leans close enough to whisper into his ear. </p><p>“Hyung, can I- can I touch you?”</p><p>“Touch me?”</p><p>“Like this?”, he places a hand on the small of his back. <em>Oh.</em> Right. <em>That </em>kind of touch. The sudden weight makes him jump a little before he nods and eases into it. He hates Jungkook for having the impertinence to <em>chuckle</em> while his heart is on a fucking rollercoaster ride between his stomach and throat. </p><p>“We need to act like we‘re madly in love, remember?”, he breathes into his ear like they are in a trashy movie, and Seokjin kind of just <em>dies</em> right there. This was a bad idea.</p><p>[<em>Cursedcursedcursed.</em>]</p><p>Feeling way too sober for this shit, he fights his way through the crowd to get to the alcohol, dragging Jungkook with him. He stops to greet every familiar lawyer and partner, fake-smiling himself through the awkward small talk with the ones who work in his department, introducing Jungkook as his <em>partner</em>, and knocks back two glasses of champagne as soon as they reach the buffet. Then he takes a deep breath and puts an arm around Jungkook‘s waist to pull him into his side, mirroring Jeabeom and his girlfriend who cross the room to join them. <em>Here they go</em>.</p><p>“Seokjin-ah, this my girlfriend, Dahyun. Dahyun, this is my fellow construction department slave, Seokjin. And- and I assume you are Seokjin‘s mystery boyfriend from Berlin?”, Jaebeom smiles and Jungkook smiles back, shaking his hand, introducing himself and Dahyun smiles at Seokjin and Seokjin smiles back and then everyone is just swaying around smiling and chatting about the ugly decoration rolling with the illusion Seokjin has crafted and it‘s all so unreal. Merging parallel universes. Over and over again. </p><p>“You‘re the guy with the alpaca pinata, right? Jaebeom‘s sent me pictures of it! I loved it!”, Dahyun says and it takes all of his willpower not to push Jungkook away at the memory. </p><p>“Seokjin loved it too, right?”, he turns to him with those huge innocent eyes and a barely bitten back smirk. It‘s funny how very punchable his face looks up this close. Thankfully Dahyun doesn’t wait for his answer.</p><p>“Jaebeom <em>never </em>does anything romantic for me. He would die of embarrassment if he ever did. Once, when we had just started dating, he bought me a pink teddy bear, but he never gave it to me, because he chickened out while he was waiting for me and just flung it into my neighbors' backyard”, Seokjin shares a subtle sympathetic look with him. Significant others could really be a pain in the ass. “Good times. Anyway, how did you guys meet?”</p><p><em>Fuck. </em>They never covered the first meeting. No one has ever asked. They don’t have a story. How dumb has a fake-couple have to be to forget about the most important question? There‘s a short circuit in his brain. And that’s really, really bad because Dahyun is still waiting for an answer and Jaebeom looks kind of curious too which says a lot because Jeabeom normally couldn’t care less about anyone‘s <em>how-we-met</em>-stories.  </p><p>“I, uhm, I almost ran him over. With my bike. I mean, my motorcycle. During a vacation in Hadong-gun”, Jungkook finally says and maybe it‘s just a bad knock-off version of Jimin‘s and Taehyung‘s epic love story with Jungkook‘s fantasies woven in, but Seokjin is more than happy to jump on the wagon. </p><p>“Yes! I was just minding my business, carrying my suitcases into the house when Jungkook showed up out nowhere, racing towards me, completely out of control-“</p><p>“I wasn’t out of control!”</p><p>“- completely out of control. Excessive speed does that you, you know?”</p><p>Dahyun‘s eyes are the size of the Christmas ornaments hanging from the staircases</p><p>“Don‘t listen to him, he doesn’t know anything about motorbikes. It wasn’t that dramatic. I was in <em>full control,</em> but he didn’t hear me coming, because… because he was wearing AirPods. He was like a walking meme”, Seokjin shoots him a warning glare. It‘s been a while since he last had anything comparable to a real relationship, but he‘s pretty sure that normal couples don’t label each other <em>walking memes </em>in front of other couples they’ve just met. “But, uhm, a very hot one. So. I was racing towards him and then I managed to step on the rare break just in time, but we still collided and came down and-“</p><p>“And then Jungkook fell in love with me. At first sight. And I decided to give him a chance to make the whole accident up to me and the rest is history”, he wraps it up patting Jungkook‘s chest, resting his hand over his heart for a brief second. It beats way too fast. Just like his own. Maybe it‘s just the alcohol and the crowd and the lies. Or they are both coming down with something. </p><p>“I‘d like to clarify that it was Seokjin-hyung who asked me out. He was <em>gone </em>as soon as I took off the helmet”, Jungkook adds, awkwardly catching his hand before he could wrap it around the <em>next </em>champagne glass. His fingers are too distracting to protest. </p><p>“Oh. Wow. That’s- intense”, Dahyun mumbles taking a sip of her wine, and Jaebeom nods.</p><p>“Yeah. And a bit disturbing too. You guys get away without any injuries?”</p><p>They both answer at the same time, Seokjin‘s <em>Yes, without a scratch, it was basically a miracle </em>and Jungkook‘s <em>I broke my arm</em> making Dahyun and Jaebeom flinch. Oh, well. That‘s why improvising sucks.</p><p>“He broke his arm. But he kinda <em>deserved </em>it. For racing around Hadong-gun like a madman, so I don’t really count that one as an injury, you know? It was just karma.”</p><p>Dahyun and Jaebeom are nice and polite enough to laugh and have the decency to end the conversation and go off to greet some of the associates after wishing them a nice evening. And surprisingly enough it actually proceeds to be one. </p><p>The party is uncomfortable in the same ways hweshiks are, of course. Work events are never exactly <em>fun</em>. But this one is a whole lot bigger and brighter and louder than any other he has ever attended - there are speeches and toasts and music and the huge location makes avoiding the mingling-parts and the awful chats with superiors so easy it‘s almost too good to be true. They can just lounge around the buffet getting more and more servings of every single fancy little canapé and brush up on their origin story. When they tell it to Wheein and the other tax department students they are actually so in sync it almost feels like the whole dramatic bike accident and the cheesy star gazing follow-up date in the flower fields have really happened. And when he hears Jungkook confirm that he was the most handsome man he had ever laid eyes on for the third time, something shifts inside of him and casually touching Jungkook stops making him want to implode. </p><p>Holding on to him - to his suit jacket and arms and hands and waist and back - actually becomes so comfortable that he nearly forgets to let go when they find themselves all alone in the room of the Buddhist painting exhibition. Jungkook gets all excited and practically shakes Seokjin‘s grip off himself to bounce from dull brown painting to dull brown painting, like a child at his first-ever exhibition. His hand falls to his side and it‘s all empty and it feels weird and the fact that it feels weird is weird too because hands are <em>supposed to be </em>empty, aren’t they? </p><p>“This one is my favorite”, Jungkook says, coming to a halt in the middle of the room. Seokjin stuffs his hands into his pockets before he steps to his side, sizing up the huge, golden silk-painting. It looks washed out - the monochromatic colors fading and spilling into each other.</p><p>“You can‘t even make out the Buddha on it.”</p><p>“Yeah, but that‘s the whole point. It‘s almost abstract. You can just interpret it any way you‘d like to”, Jungkook explains, voice buzzing with excitement. “Or you can just skip the whole interpretation part and simply admire the colors and the technique.”</p><p>Seokjin doesn’t really get it, but he nods anyway. To keep him happy. Watches Jungkook take a picture of the silk painting for his art account and a selca in front of it for his private one, clenching and unclenching his fists in his pockets. Thinking about his birthday and the bathroom-talk with Taehyung.  </p><p>
  <em>Jungkook wouldn’t fly back to Germany just because he doesn’t like his temporary job. </em>
</p><p>He wouldn’t, right?</p><p>Maybe now that he‘s twenty-seven, Seokjin could start addressing important issues directly as a cool new self-improvement-project. Adulting 2.0.2. It would be a super mature thing to do. Something even Yoongi aka the only fully functioning adult he knows would approve of. <em>Jungkook-ah, you don’t hate living in Seoul, right? You won‘t just disappear again as soon as you finish the last project, will you? </em>He could just ask. And Jungkook would frown in confusion and ask why he‘s being weird and they would laugh because the idea is ridiculous and then Seokjin wouldn’t have to worry about losing him again anymore.</p><p>He doesn’t get to ask though, because the next second a very drunk Wheein barges into the room. She looks happier than he has ever seen her at work. Good for her.</p><p>“Oh, thank God! I‘ve been looking for you lovebirds for <em>ages</em>!”, she exclaims grabbing Seokjin‘s elbow and pulling him towards the exit. “We‘re doing shots!”</p><p>He shoots Jungkook an apologetic look, but he just takes one last photo before following them and taking his hand as he catches up. Squeezing it. Summoning the feathers.</p><p>They do shots with the other students and interns and rank the senior lawyers and attorneys from most to least likely to cry in court and persuade Wheein to finally install <em>Tinder</em> and take turns swiping, making a drinking game out of lame bio tropes. And Jungkook looks happy. So Seokjin decides to repress the whole Taehyung conversation for good.</p><p>“I‘m so glad you came, Jungkook-ah! I‘ve been asking him to bring you along for <em>months</em>. Seokjin is so greedy. Trying to keep you all to himself. Some of these guys”, Wheein motions towards the accounting department, “thought you didn’t even <em>exist. </em>That’s how secretive he was.”</p><p>“I always believed in you though. Actually, some of you <em>still </em>owe me money!”, Jaebeom slurs.</p><p>“You- you bet on whether my relationship was real?”, Seokjin asks in an outraged tone, as if he didn’t already know all about those bets. Soobin is bad at keeping secrets.</p><p>“Well, yes, <em>but</em> we all know better now. And we‘re all very happy you didn’t just make Jungkook up like some creepy psycho. And you should kiss now”, Wheein says pointing to something above Jungkook‘s head.  </p><p>They both look up at the same time.</p><p>There‘s a mistletoe hanging down from the ugly garland above them.</p><p>Apparently, they‘ve been standing under it this whole time.</p><p>Their eyes meet for a moment and Jungkook‘s are all wide and sparkly again. Illuminated by the golden fairy lights he looks very soft and pretty and-</p><p>Mistletoes mean kisses, right?</p><p>Colors fading and spilling into each other, Jungkook is blinking up at him with his lips falling open and Seokjin is actually drunk enough to consider going for it for a second. Because Jungkook is <em>so</em> <em>close</em> - he could count his eyelashes and inhale him and closing the distance between them would be so so ridiculously easy and kissing him would be <em>so nice</em>. And he looks like he would kiss Seokjin back, which is just absurd, but for a heartbeat, it feels like they are about to do it. </p><p>Then the pink fog in his mind clears up enough to let him acknowledge the <em>cursedcursedcursed </em>nature of the whole scene and he tears his gaze away from Jungkook.</p><p>“Yah, what a shameless request! No proper Korean lady would ever ask something this outrageous of a co-worker, especially not during a work event!”</p><p>Wheein laughs and Jungkook blushes a deep shade of red. A completely understandable reaction to being put in such an awfully embarrassing situation. Seokjin decides they‘ve had enough fun for the rest of the year.</p><p>[Jungkook lays his head on his shoulder in the backseat of the cab and thanks him for the evening before he dozes off and everything is fine. Except that after that <em>cursedcursedcursed </em>evening it kind of feels like they are about to kiss <em>all the time</em>.]</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apparently, big office parties aren‘t a thing in South Korea, but I really really wanted Jinkook to go to one, so I took the artistic liberty and wrote it anyway - funfact, my law firm actually did rent one of my country‘s national museums for our last office Christmas party (before covid) and it was just the coolest location ever!</p><p>Thanks for reading and have a lovely day! Leaving a kudo or comment would really brighten up mine, I‘d love to read your thoughts on the story :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungkook is twenty-two when he first realizes that he is a failure and that he has no idea where his life is going. He should have kept art as a hobby and studied something useful. Maybe he wouldn’t suck so bad at accounting or marketing or something equally boring.</p><p>(get ready for: sad JK hours; existential crises and The Great British Bake Off; Seokjin‘s A+ best friending; Vmin‘s big announcement; sappy memories and the rating changing to explicit...)</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I‘m so sorry for taking so long to update this time - I was really busy with uni and work, but I finally got around to finish this chapter and I am so excited about posting it! I really hope you‘ll like it, so have fun reading ^^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V.</p><p> </p><p>Jungkook is twenty-two when he first realizes that he is a failure and that he has no idea where his life is going. He should have kept art as a hobby and studied something useful. Maybe he wouldn’t suck so bad at accounting or marketing or something equally boring.</p><p>On a rational level, he knows that he is overreacting. It‘s not like he was really <em>fired</em>. And it‘s not like he <em>intended</em> to continue working for the music agency anyway. Dragging himself to that windowless white box of an office and watching each and every one of his original concepts being shredded got more and more draining with every day he spent there, and he <em>hated </em>the awkward small talk in the break rooms. Jungkook had been ready to turn down the contract extension - had practiced the friendly and yet definite declination speech on his way to work on a daily basis for the last two weeks. Ready to whip it out as soon as his supervisor presented the offer. Ready to thank her for the learning experience and say goodbye and leave and never look back again.</p><p>But he wasn’t ready for <em>his boss</em> telling <em>him</em> that <em>she</em> had decided against a renewal of the contract. The possibility of <em>failing </em>had never once crossed his mind. Listening to her explanation of how he was a very skilled and admirable employee but the team didn’t think his working style fit theirs was like an ice-cold shower. Four hours later, sprawled on one of the baroque sofas in the gallery Taehyung works at, he‘s still shivering. The memory of the whole humiliating scene, especially the walk of shame back to his room, makes him cringe so hard he shudders.</p><p>“I don‘t understand, Jungkookie. You <em>hated </em>working there anyway. You wanted to decline the extension, right?”, Taehyung asks, looking up from the century-old computer on the front desk. He fixes his glasses and sighs when Jungkook nods. “Then what‘s your problem? You literally got what you wanted.”</p><p>It makes sense that he wouldn’t understand. Taehyung is too used to getting his way by doing the bare minimum. Fleeting through life in his own bubble of light and sunflowers, making friends with everyone along the way. Like some cartoon character. Never pushing himself to do anything he doesn’t want to. Sometimes Jungkook wishes he could be a bit more like him.</p><p>“I know, but it makes all the difference. If she would‘ve offered an extension it would’ve meant that I did a good job even if I hated doing it, but she didn’t. So I obviously wasn’t good enough. And it sucks because I did my best. I-I really tried.”</p><p>Taehyung hums in sympathy.</p><p>“I know. You always do. But you shouldn’t take it personally. Sometimes people have different artistic visions. We‘ve talked about this. Just because theirs didn’t match yours doesn’t mean you did a shitty job.”</p><p>He doesn’t answer. They’ve been through this topic a dozen times back in Busan and also via Kakaotalk that one time his graphic design professor in Berlin gave him a C on an assignment. He likes to think he‘s making progress. Internalizing Taehyung‘s words and not judging his self-worth based on the opinions of people he doesn’t even like. But it‘s really, really hard not to feel like shit when he has failed his one job and disappointed everyone.</p><p>“Have you seen those white glass panels on the second floor? Next to Gam Hye-nim‘s office?”</p><p>Jungkook nods. He is probably as familiar with every piece of art in the gallery as Taehyung himself is by now - he lounges around here all the time. Being at home gets boring when Seokjin is working or at the library and spending his afternoons strolling through the city alone isn’t that much fun in the winter. Especially not after yet another day of social isolation at the agency. Well, at least that won‘t be a problem from now on. Hah.</p><p>“I hate it”, the severity with which Taehyung states it makes him laugh for the first time since breakfast when Seokjin had spilled his orange juice all over his white shirt. “Don‘t laugh, I mean it! It‘s awful. Should represent the stations of the cross, but, like, it just doesn’t, you know? No matter how hard I try to see it, I just don’t. It‘s just white plates with pointless cracks in them. But Gam Hye-nim <em>loves </em>it. He thinks it‘s the best thing ever. He told me it made him <em>cry </em>when he finally <em>saw </em>it. But I don’t. So. Here‘s your example for artistic value and perceptions and shit.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Jungkook doesn’t really feel like saying more and Taehyung doesn’t push him because unlike Jimin he understands that sometimes people simply need companionable silence. He just goes back to cataloging the newest arrivals, humming along to the H.E.R. string cover playing from his mini-Bluetooth speaker. How he managed to convince his boss to let him replace the classic radio station with instrumental versions of his favorite foreign songs and jazz standards is still a mystery to Jungkook. Taehyung has always had a way of creeping up on people and wrapping them around his pinky whether they liked it or not. He should have studied him around his co-workers more attentively. Could have used his strategies to seem more approachable. More like a real team-player. To make his colleagues like him. Oh, well. No tears over spilled milk.</p><p>Four more songs pass before Taehyung turns the speaker off.</p><p>“Have you told Seokjin?”, he asks stretching his arms above his head.</p><p>“Yes. He sent me three party-emojis and a flame.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay. Wow”, Tae scrunches his nose in disgust and it makes Jungkook laugh again. “You should let him do the rest of the comforting then. He‘s such an idiot. You deserve each other.”</p><p>“Let him do the rest of the comforting?”</p><p>“Yup. Sorry, I got to get going now. It‘s <em>fancy-dinner-role-play-date</em>-<em>night</em>”, he says with an apologetic shrug, already wrapping his scarf around his neck.</p><p><em>Fancy-dinner-role-play-date</em>-<em>night</em> is another one of their dumb, sappy soulmate things - pretending to be strangers in the dating phase, dressing up, selecting a new fancy restaurant each time, bringing along flowers and pralines, flirting like they‘re just getting to know each other. They say it‘s a fun couple thing. To make sure they don‘t miss out on <em>adult dates </em>just because <em>destiny pushed them into each other‘s arms when they were just kids</em>. Seokjin says it‘s part of their abnormal mating ritual and they should be canceled for it. Jungkook agrees. At least out loud. Knowing that the <em>creepy</em>-<em>stalker-mixtape-kind-of-love</em> exists in a reciprocated edition is actually pretty reassuring. He likes to think that the <em>fake-relationship-role-play-act </em>could become part of their own abnormal mating ritual one day. No matter how unlikely it is that he will ever escape the fake-boyfriend-zone.</p><p>[Sometimes he wishes he could just tell Jimin. He would probably be more helpful than Yugyeom who is convinced that Seokjin‘s subconscious has labeled him boyfriend-material ages ago. Yugyeom was also convinced that Jungkook‘s album covers would turn out amazing and that he could woo everyone in Seoul. Yugyeom‘s opinions are invalid.]</p><p>He asks Taehyung to tell Jimin he‘s fine because he doesn’t want to listen to another one of his aggressive prep-talks about self-love in the upcoming days or, even worse, during the annual Christmas brunch at his parents‘ place and Tae promises to do so. He hugs him and then he‘s out of the gallery and Jungkook jogs up the stairs to look at the glass plates before heading home.</p><p>There are fourteen of them, hung up on the wall in two neat rows. They aren’t ugly. Just very, very plain and white and clean. Perfectly identical apart from the delicate cracks. And funnily enough, they make him want to cry too but he forces the tears back and swallows them down. Stupid plates.</p><p>He holds himself together. Like a functioning adult. Getting over minor setbacks is not that difficult. Especially if they aren’t even <em>real </em>setbacks. So, what if he let his lack of motivation and laziness get in the way of his professionalism? It‘s not like they hated the stuff he created when he was still enthusiastic about the album design less anyway.</p><p>He tells himself he doesn’t care. That he can handle it. That he‘s fine. On his way out of the gallery and walking down the snow-covered streets and in the train and in the elevator. Then he enters the apartment and sees the horrendous <em>JK is a free elf now </em>banner and the balloons and he loses it.</p><p>“Oh my God, are you okay?”, Seokjin asks rushing over to where he sinks onto the crooked chair in the hall and it‘s all very, very humiliating because he is kind of sobbing into his hands by now but also laughing hysterically and this is probably what a nervous breakdown feels like. The last thing he needs is the love of his life seeing him like this, but he can‘t stop. It‘s awful. He manages to give Seokjin a thumbs up in the hope that he will just leave but he crouches down in front of him instead.</p><p>“Fuck, is it because of the banner?”</p><p>Trying to wipe the tears and snot from his face with the sleeves of his coat, he shakes his head.</p><p>“Kookie, you aren‘t <em>actually crying</em> because of the <em>contract</em>, are you?”</p><p>His throat feels too tight to speak, so Jungkook opts for a shrug and cringes when Seokjin tilts his chin up to look at him and dab the tears from his eyes. He can‘t remember the last time he had cried in front of him. This day is a disaster. He must look terrible.</p><p>“No offense, but you‘re going to drown us in those tears. You should take an example on grapes.”</p><p>“On grapes?”</p><p>His voice is hoarse and shaky but apparently, he can talk again. Yay.</p><p>“Yes. You see, grapes don‘t cry when you crush them. They just <em>wine</em>”, he laughs and ignores Jungkook‘s incredulous gasp. “And whining is a lot better. It doesn’t dehydrate you. So. You should switch.”</p><p>“You can‘t just <em>switch</em>. It-it doesn’t work like that”, he sniffs. Trying his best to turn it off. Failing. Again.</p><p>“Okay. Then maybe you could try to, you know, voice your feelings?”</p><p>Coming from him, it‘s the most hypocritical request ever. But then again, Seokjin is actually really fucking good at keeping himself in line whilst Jungkook is a hot mess and his emotional stability probably does earn him the right to pretend to be familiar with the concept of <em>voicing feelings.</em></p><p>“I just- I fucked up”, he says averting his eyes from Seokjin‘s face to blink away the wetness and look up at the ugly banner. The letters are crooked. The colors uneven. It‘s a shame he wasted Jungkook‘s paint on it. He should probably tell him that after this whole break-down episode is over.</p><p>“What do you mean, you fucked up?”</p><p>“I‘m just… such a failure.”</p><p>Saying it out loud to Seokjin feels weird. He isn’t his go-to-person when it comes to self-deprecating venting - their <em>relationship</em> <em>minus</em> is Jungkook‘s happy place when he doesn’t feel like choking on the petals in his lungs and happy places aren’t meant to be tainted with unhappy thoughts. But it‘s too late to undo it now.  </p><p>“Oh God”, Seokjin sighs rolling his eyes. “You‘re not a failure just because your first real job didn’t turn out to be <em>the one</em>. So, they didn’t like your style. Who cares? You didn’t like theirs either. It makes sense that they wouldn’t want to keep someone who just didn’t fit in with them. They were shitty and incompetent anyway.”</p><p>“You don’t know that.”</p><p>“Of course I do! Anyone who‘d vote against that sexy pirate draft you designed is shitty and incompetent”, Seokjin squeezes his hand and it eases the tension in his muscles. “There will be other opportunities and they will be a lot cooler and you‘re going to impress everyone and have the time of your life and peak, okay?”</p><p>Jungkook knows he is right about the better opportunities part, but it still sucks, so he doesn’t answer. Just lets Seokjin pull him to his feet and peel him out of his coat. The loss of it leaves him shivering. Great. Coming down with a cold two days before his flight to Busan would really be the cherry on top of this whole dumpster fire.</p><p>“You did great. I mean, I liked your first few drafts better, but the HMX booklet is so edgy and ahead of its time, those girls don’t even deserve it.  We‘ll just pin it on the fridge along with the pirate concept. What was the name of the sexy beast idols again? Twinkling twinks?”</p><p>“Double T Sparkle Project.”</p><p>“Same thing.”</p><p>Seokjin pushes him down on the couch and wraps him up in a yellow Granny-Kim-blanket so tight he can‘t move his arms.</p><p>“You look like a sad summer roll”, he declares looking utterly pleased with his work. It‘s an accurate description. Jungkook feels like a sad summer roll too. “We should order some. Summer rolls, I mean. And watch that volleyball anime. Where everyone is whipping out motivational speeches all the time.”  </p><p>“You don‘t even like <em>Haikyuu</em>.”</p><p>It‘s an understatement. Their passionate hatred of the show is one of the main pillars of Seokjin‘s and Jimin‘s friendship. Jungkook still gets Hadong-gun war flashbacks whenever someone mentions it.</p><p>“Yah! I‘m trying to be nice when I could just make you watch the whole new season of <em>The Great British Bake Off</em>. You are literally trapped and at my mercy. I wouldn’t push my luck if I were you.”</p><p>He has a point, so Jungkook holds his tongue.</p><p>They order summer rolls and pad thai and sesame balls and watch <em>Haikyuu</em> while they‘re waiting for the food to arrive. For once in his life, Seokjin doesn’t even comment on how dumb and pointless sports animes are - not even when the match goes on for three episodes and there are slow-motion recaps of every single attack. That leads Jungkook to the bitter conclusion that he must genuinely feel sorry for him and he hates it - but he could get used to the rest. To curling up against his side and then slowly dropping his head into his lap and Seokjin letting him without complaining about his head being too heavy. To the way his fingers run through his hair and to his glittery lavender warmth seeping into him, dying everything in him pink and baby blue and gold. To his touch melting his bones. He missed being this close.</p><p>Growing up, they used to be all over each other. Hugging, wrestling, cuddling - just casually touching all the time. Jungkook remembers crawling into Seokjin‘s lap during their visits to Seoul to get better access to the sweets he normally wasn’t allowed to gorge on and he remembers demanding piggy-back-rides and lying sprawled out on top of him in front of the old television in his aunt‘s living room. Remembers holding his hand so close to his face that its contours would go blurry - inspecting his fingers, fascinated by the little waves in them. [Jungkook asked him why his own couldn’t bend like that the weekend before starting first grade. Seokjin laughed and told him it was part of his superpowers. Jungkook had really believed he had them back when they were both children. Sometimes he still does.]  </p><p>Seokjin had always felt like home.</p><p>Things shifted after the <em>flamingo-shirt-galaxy-brain</em>-<em>moment</em>. After falling into the pastel pink whirlpool. Touching became different. Not less comfortable, but different. Seokjin‘s skin started to make him tingle all over. His touch burning him up from the inside out - not that Jungkook minded being on fire for him. The sensation of drowning and falling to ashes at the same time was addicting enough to overpower the hurt. And he was too reckless not to use every opportunity to just drape himself over him like some annoying animal and Seokjin whined and complained, of course, but let him do it all the same, so it was okay. Until something happened before Berlin. Jungkook never really figured out what had changed, but suddenly Seokjin wasn’t so keen on skinship anymore. Apart from the occasional hug or display of physical violence, he went stiff under his touch and Jungkook respected his boundaries. Stopped chasing the flames and accepted the spaces between them.</p><p>If he doesn’t count the office Christmas party last week aka the evening that killed him on every level but a physical one, they haven’t been this close for ages. Spending the next week or so burning like this would probably help ease the process of figuring out where his life is headed now. The thought of flying to Busan by himself and telling everyone how he fucked up makes him want to crawl inside of himself.</p><p>“Do you think Mom and Dad will be upset?”, he asks without looking away from the screen.</p><p>“Upset?”</p><p>“Yeah. Disappointed. Disillusioned. Upset.”</p><p>Like him.</p><p>“No, of course not. They couldn’t care less about these kinds of things as long as you‘re happy. You know that, right?”, Seokjin tugs at his hair to make Jungkook look up at him. Brushes his knuckles over his tear-smudged cheekbone when he finally does. “Your parents are, like, the coolest people ever.”</p><p>He isn’t wrong per se. Jungkook‘s parents <em>are </em>cool. In an uncool, lowkey embarrassing, supporting, parenty way. But that doesn’t mean Jungkook doesn’t want to make them proud.</p><p>“Okay, but what if deep down they do care? What if they are actually sad that I don‘t have my life together like Jimin and you?”</p><p>Seokjin frowns at that.</p><p>“Jungkook. No. I‘ve literally known your parents longer than you have. You have no idea how proud they are. They adore you”, he says and bops his nose before adding, “And no one has their life together like Jimin. No one should ever compare themselves to him.”</p><p>“You do though. You‘re about to graduate <em>law school</em> and you work for one of the country‘s top firms. You can‘t just play that down.”</p><p>“Fair, but I was literally told that I was only hired for my pretty face and I contemplated quitting over that, so I guess we‘re on the same level.“</p><p>There are still waves of rage rolling through him whenever Seokjin mentions <em>that</em> phase, but Jungkook keeps himself in check. He has learned that Seokjin needs him to stay completely expressionless when he feels comfortable enough to share a fraction of those memories - to swallow down his emotions and to pretend it doesn’t make him physically sick, so he does.</p><p>“You aren’t pretty enough to get hired for your face”, he lies and Seokjin pushes him off his lap with a theatrical gasp.</p><p>“Okay, that‘s it. We‘re watching <em>The Great British Bake Off</em>. Hope you‘re happy now.”</p><p>He is, actually. Or at least a bit happier than before. The food and the epic highs and lows of the ultimate baking battle combined with Seokjin‘s passionate commentary are comforting enough to take his mind off everything else. Telling Seokjin that he doesn’t <em>really</em> hate the show is out of question - it could motivate him to put on one of the latest awful dramas he has been binging and Jungkook can‘t risk that, so he groans and complains from time to time and tries his best to hide his excitement over the <em>Victoria Sponge-</em>challenge by stuffing two sesame balls into his mouth and nearly gagging on them. Judging by his amused smile Seokjin can probably see right through him but for once in his life, he is decent enough to let it slide. And Jungkook doesn’t feel like crying anymore.</p><p>*</p><p>He arrives in Busan on December 23<sup>rd</sup>. Yugyeom picks him up from the airport - face lighting up as soon as he spots him, hugging him so tightly he can barely breathe. Jungkook has missed him even though he visited just a few weeks ago. They get bubble tea and mochi to celebrate Yugyeom getting that assistant‘s position he had applied for at his university and Jungkook regaining his freedom and drive around listening to the new RM-mixtape. Jungkook doesn’t mention his career crisis break down episode and Yugyeom doesn’t bring it up either. Not even when his phone buzzes and he opens Seokjin‘s chat just to find a dozen links to job ads and “<em>cool and edgy and not shitty and incompetent</em>” agencies in Seoul.</p><p>[He doesn’t even go through all of the websites. Finding a new job can wait. Maybe he doesn’t even want one. He needs a break. Maybe he should finish his master. Or leave the music industry behind and try something completely different. But he still sends back a star-eyed emoji. To let Seokjin know he is thankful for his efforts. And then he tells him to stop procrastinating and to get back to his books.]</p><p> </p><p>After his mom shoos him out of the kitchen and his dad leaves to pick up his grandparents, Jungkook spends most of Christmas napping in his room and taking a long, lonely walk on the windy beach like some Victorian hero. Contemplating his life and making up vague career plans, just to be prepared for the questions of his relatives. He still feels lost and aimless but the fact that his parents seem convinced that he will excel at whatever his next project will be is reassuring enough to make him stop thinking about dropping art as a whole and signing up for an accounting course.</p><p>Noah calls to vent about how sad it is to be able to relate to Justin Bieber‘s <em>Mistletoe</em> a lot more at the age of twenty-two than ever before and then he asks if he is up for visiting him to celebrate <em>Silvester</em> together now that he doesn’t really have any professional obligations anymore. It‘s a tempting offer. New Year‘s Eve is a bigger deal in Berlin than in Korea and seeing his overseas friends again would probably cheer him up but Jungkook ends up saying no. Because he isn’t adventurous enough to pack his bags and fly to Germany just like that.</p><p>And because he already misses Seokjin. Which is ridiculous because it‘s only been thirty-six hours since he had dropped him off at the airport and they are about to be reunited in less than a week in Hadong-gun, but he still does. So much that he wears one of his t-shirts under the fuzzy holiday jumper Jimin‘s mom got him a few years ago. Like some mentally unstable creep.</p><p>Stealing Seokjin‘s clothes is probably one of the most concerning things he has ever done, but reaching new all-time lows takes talent too. The thing is that everything Seokjin owns is soft and warm and nice and Jungkook wants to feel soft and warm and nice too and being in charge of their laundry, the temptation of letting two of his worn-out shirts wander into his suitcase was simply too overwhelming. And he‘s going through an existential crisis. It‘s only natural that he has to wear his stuff to get through Christmas dinner with his family and through Christmas brunch at the Parks‘ house.</p><p>“At this point, you should probably just confess”, Jimin says leaning back against Taehyung‘s chest. “He is too dumb to make a move and he obviously doesn’t get any of your hints.”</p><p>The three of them are huddled up in Jimin‘s old tree-house with a plate of hotteok and candied sweet potatoes. Sticking to their holiday traditions in spite of the cold. Jungkook is positive that his toes are about to fall off, but his friends seem unfazed by the weather. Must be because they are cold-hearted monsters anyway.</p><p>“Yeah, no, not happening.”</p><p>It‘s not like Jungkook has never thought of confessing. There have been moments where he was awfully close to just going through with it. Like when they were waiting for their cab to arrive right after the almost-kiss at the office party or in the car on their way to the airport. Seokjin had shown his appreciation for the free HMX album Jungkook had given him as an anti-present by playing every cringey song and rapping along to the A-side-tracks. So off-beat that Jungkook wouldn’t have recognized any of them. It was awful and ridiculous, and it also made him want to spend the rest of his life with him.</p><p>“You should. We arranged for you to <em>move in</em> with him, Jungkookie. I- I asked him to <em>take you out</em>”, Taehyung says with his eyes widening dramatically. “I literally don’t know what else we could do to make him realize he‘s into you too.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>"Hyung, are you sure you don‘t want to come along?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I‘d love to - please, tell your mom that I said that and that my mom would’ve loved to come too if she didn’t have to fly to Japan with Byunghoon to make us all feel single as fuck- but I can‘t.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But you love Christmas buffet.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I do, but I also love not having to re-take exams and I really need to study. It‘s either Christmas or Hadong-gun this year and Jimin would kill me if I missed Tae‘s birthday.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But you‘re going to be all alone. People shouldn’t be alone on Christmas.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It‘s okay. Yoongi and Hobi are staying too.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But I love you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He shakes his head. Risking their <em>relationship</em> <em>minus</em> is just not worth it.</p><p>“Fine. Then just die pining”, Jimin sighs and feeds Taehyung another piece of hotteok. Then his father calls them back in to exchange presents and they are too busy <em>oooh</em>-ing and <em>aah-ing</em> at the new Christmas sweaters and scarves and socks and video games and unnecessary gadgets to bring Seokjin up again.</p><p>Jungkook sends him a photo of the pile he‘s missing out on and he sends back a selca of himself and Holly under the artificial Christmas tree Hoseok has decorated with glittery silver and red ornaments. The puppy is licking his face and Seokjin is laughing with one of his eyes squeezed shut and Jungkook‘s heart drops for a second.</p><p>[Maybe he will. Die pining. But it‘s okay. There are worse deaths. He spends the evening painting <em>About Love Part IV</em> and streaming it on his twitch account. It‘s all smooth golden transitions with red and evergreen spots and pastel yellow moons swaying around the canvas.]    </p><p>*</p><p>Jungkook‘s grandma used to have a dog when he was still a kid. Beom. A cute little Beagle-mix who would sit down in front of the door and wait for her to come back whenever she left the apartment to run errands without him. No matter how hard Jungkook tried to distract him from her absence and engage him in a game of fetch or a cuddle session, he would never leave his spot, and when she would finally return he‘d simply lose his mind - jump up and down and run circles around her and wiggle his tail so fast Jungkook was afraid it would fall off. He never got the fuss he made. Which is kind of ironic in retrospect, because he feels exactly the way Beom must have felt back then when he sees Seokjin‘s car pull up in front of Granny Kim‘s house the evening before Taehyung‘s epic birthday party. He can barely keep himself from running to the front door and tackling Seokjin the second he enters the house.</p><p>Being the dignified, cool adult he is, he stays seated on the beat-down leather couch and sips his sujeonggwa, waiting patiently for Seokjin and his mom to drag their suitcases into the hall and greet Taehyung and his grandmother before joining them in the living room. Their eyes meet just a heartbeat too fast not to activate the spaceships in Jungkook‘s stomach and Seokjin‘s smile widens and the next second he is sitting next to him, prying the cup from his hands with his icy fingers and Jungkook is on fire again. If he were a dog, he would probably run around the room to cope with the ecstatic joy of seeing him again. Being a human and all, he settles for pushing him away and telling him to get his own punch and they end up spilling the drink on themselves which earns them a few disapproving eye-rolls and a quiet <em>those two will never grow up</em> from Seokjin‘s mom. But it‘s okay. Because Seokjin is giggling in an annoying high-pitched tone and he tells him he had <em>missed him</em> while they are cleaning themselves up in the guest bathroom and Jungkook is so in love it makes him dizzy.</p><p>Granny Kim cooks kimchi fried rice and bossam for the pre-birthday dinner and while they are eating Jimin goes through the to-do-list for the next day. He has assigned certain tasks to each one of them and he reminds them that they need to stick to the schedule to get everything right - Jungkook is part of the decorating team along with Jimin‘s parents and Hoseok who should arrive around noon with Yoongi and Moonbyul. He isn’t thrilled by the mission but putting up the flower garlands and fairy lights is still a lot better than chauffeuring (Seokjin looks like he would rather die than go through the ordeal of picking up the band and the strawberry cupcakes) so he won‘t complain. Especially not when Jimin is this stressed out. He sends him a reassuring smile, trying his best to look enthusiastic about the party.</p><p>“Okay. I think that‘s it. I‘ve texted you your schedules and working groups, but don‘t hesitate to ask if you are confused about anything”, Jimin finishes with a way too cheerful grin and exes his wine glass. He waits for a few seconds, letting his eyes wander over their equally impressed and intimidated faces.</p><p>Then he takes Taehyung‘s hand and they both stand up.</p><p>“Everyone”, Tae clears his throat and pauses dramatically. “It‘s announcement time.”</p><p>“I thought you wanted to announce the big surprise tomorrow”, Seokjin cuts in, and Jungkook flinches under Jimin‘s sharp gaze.</p><p>“Yes, but <em>the inner circle</em> gets to know before everyone else. And it‘s also kind of important for tomorrow.  So. Everyone.”</p><p>Jungkook <em>hates</em> the way they refer to them as the <em>inner circle</em>, but the adult-adults seem to love it for some incomprehensible reason. His parents are all soft smiles as they watch Taehyung and he uses everyone‘s distraction to sneak a glance at Seokjin. Who is staring right back at him over his glass. Damn. He isn’t used to being caught like this but lately, Seokjin has been looking in his direction awfully often. It makes his skin prickle. <em>Get it together.</em></p><p>“As you all know, Jimin and I have been together for nine years and four months now”, another dramatic pause. Taehyung lets his words sink in before continuing. “It will be our ten-years-anniversary next August. A whole decade of <em>Taemin</em>.”</p><p>“Isn‘t Taemin that handsome dancer from Jiminie‘s group?”, Granny Kim chimes in, and they all have to stifle their laughter.</p><p>“No, Granny, it‘s our names. Merged together. <em>Tae</em>hyung and Ji<em>min</em>. Taemin.”</p><p>“Oooh, that‘s genius, Darling!”, she exclaims and Jungkook‘s parents nod approvingly and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep a neutral face. He will never understand why Jimin and Taehyung are so obsessed with having the whole gang around all the time.</p><p>“Thanks, Granny. So. Back to the announcement. Ten years of Taemin. We thought a lot about how we should celebrate finding each other and we came to the conclusion that there is only one way to properly honor our love”, Taehyung says and Jungkook can barely keep his body from doubling over from cringing so hard, but he manages to keep still. Seokjin‘s unsubtle kick under the table helps.</p><p>There‘s <em>yet another </em>dramatic pause - Taehyung is obviously enjoying every second of this. He pulls Jimin closer to himself and everyone is holding their breaths which is just so dumb and definitely too much ado about nothing because they are most likely only going to announce that they are going to the <em>real </em>Hallstatt or Paris or somewhere equally romantic for their anniversary or that they want to adopt a dog or-</p><p>“So. We are getting married.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>Taehyung‘s whole face melts into a huge grin despite the sudden silence in the room and Jimin also arranges his features into a stiff little smile, putting his other arm around Taehyung too. Draped over him like a human shield, he turns to his startled parents with a challenging little spark in his eyes. It makes Jungkook think back on the day Taehyung had turned up at their porch in his dress shirt with the flower bouquet. On Jimin sitting in the garden, wiggling in his seat, bouncing his leg.</p><p>“That‘s- wow. I mean, that‘s great, but. You-you can‘t get married in Korea. It isn’t legal”, Seokjin finally says and they all flinch. “You know that, right?”</p><p>Jimin huffs.</p><p>“We‘re not <em>that </em>delusional, hyung. We are aware of the legal situation. But it‘s not about the certificate.”</p><p>“It would be, like, a symbolic thing, you know? Just the ceremony and a huge reception with sunflowers and toasts and a big cake and everyone we love celebrating how we‘re soulmates with us”, Taehyung adds squeezing Jimin against him.</p><p>Another moment of taken aback silence passes and then Jimin‘s dad clears his throat.</p><p>“So, who proposed?”</p><p>He is smiling. And as Taehyung answers, tumbling over his own words every now and then, Jimin‘s smile finally reaches his eyes too.</p><p>“No one proposed. It was more of a, well, more of a mutual decision. But I guess technically speaking it was me? We were talking about the anniversary and watching this show about wedding dresses and then I looked at Jimin and went <em>Hey, Jimin-ah, do you think we should get married? </em>And he said yes, but I kind of asked because I knew he <em>wanted me to</em>, so it was mutual. I think. I didn’t have a ring, so.”</p><p>Jimin‘s dad laughs.</p><p>“That‘s great, son. Good job.”</p><p>He gets up to embrace Taehyung before motioning for Jimin to join them too.</p><p>“I told you he was a keeper.”</p><p>And then they are all jumping up to congratulate them and there‘s hugs and kisses and laughter and Seokjin‘s mom offers to contact the fancy venue her boyfriend‘s niece got married at and Jungkook‘s dad takes shaky photos of everyone and Granny Kim is crying and Jungkook feels like he might too. Two of his best friends are getting married. Regardless of the fact that it‘s literally illegal. It feels like everything is alright in the world for once.</p><p>“So, Taehyung‘s birthday party is actually <em>an engagement party</em>”, Seokjin says shaking his head. “I should have seen right through you.”</p><p>“A <em>surprise</em> engagement party, hyung. I told you it was a good announcement.”</p><p>“True. But I still don’t get why we had to come here. We could’ve celebrated in Seoul too.”</p><p>Taehyung makes a frustrated sound.</p><p>“<em>No</em>. It had to be in the vacation house. That‘s where we first met and where we first became friends and first started dating. Where we had our first kiss”, he stops there. Thank God. Jungkook doesn’t want to think about their other <em>firsts</em>. Too traumatized by witnessing them. He almost winces at the memory of trying to fade out the sounds of their sexual awakening in the bed next to him by listening to Yugyeom‘s questionable music recommendations loudly enough to damn-near burst his eardrums. </p><p>“We thought about getting married there. But we really want the cliché summer wedding in the city, so we thought celebrating the engagement here along with Tae‘s birthday would be a nice compromise.”</p><p>Jimin‘s mom is quick to assure that it was a brilliant idea and then they go on to discuss how they are going to announce it tomorrow and run through the game plan <em>again</em>. This time everyone seems a lot more motivated though and the next hour flies by and then it‘s time to go to bed since they are all looking forward to a big, draining day tomorrow and Jungkook is about to change into his pajamas when Taehyung proposes the worst idea ever.</p><p>“Maybe hyung and Jungkook should sleep in the other house.”</p><p>“What? Why?”, Seokjin asks and Jimin is quick to jump in and back Taehyung up.</p><p>“Yes! Definitely! To turn on the heating. It usually takes a whole night to warm it up and if you do it now, we won‘t have to freeze our asses off tomorrow morning.”</p><p>So they haven’t given up on the matchmaking after all. Great.</p><p>“Why didn’t you turn it on when you dropped the stuff off today then?”</p><p>“Hyung! We‘re getting <em>married</em>”, Taehyung whines. Turning his face to the ceiling dramatically. Winking at Jungkook. <em>Oh, Lord</em>. “We can‘t keep track of <em>everything</em> all the time!”</p><p>“You are right, Darling, it does take longer to get such a huge house warm and cozy. And we don’t have enough beds anyway. I would hate to make you sleep on those old matrasses.”</p><p>Jungkook could swear that there‘s a weird twinkle in Granny Kim‘s eyes.</p><p>“Be good boys and drive over”, she says. And then she kisses him on the cheek. And then she says goodnight. And just like that, it‘s settled. And the next thing he knows is that Taehyung is whispering <em>Don‘t fuck this up, Kookie</em> into his ear as he pushes him out the door.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>22:18</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>talk to him</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I mean it. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>22:19</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He‘s been staring at you like you were the main dish this whole time so fuxking do something abt it! !!!</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Jungkook doesn’t answer Jimin‘s texts. Just mutes the notifications and stares out of the window, listening to Seokjin bitching about having to sleep in an ice-pit.</p><p>[And to his own heart hammering in his skull for no reason whatsoever, because it‘s not like spending the night alone with Seokjin is going to change anything. After all, moving in with him and sleeping in the same apartment for months didn’t either. Jimin and Taehyung really need to let it go.]</p><p>He remembers riding his bike back and forth between the houses on a daily basis when they were still children. Back then it had seemed like a long, adventurous track, but it‘s actually a very short route. He finds himself in the freezing cold vacation house aka the scene of about ninety percent of his lovesick teenage angst episodes in less than twelve minutes. Alone with Seokjin aka the protagonist of about ninety percent of his lovesick teenage wet dreams. But it‘s only a tiny weeny bit overwhelming. He isn’t a lovesick teenager anymore after all. At least technically not.</p><p>[It‘s kind of hard not to regress to fourteen going on fifteen and fifteen going on sixteen and sixteen going on seventeen when he passes the frost flower-covered patio windows and the couch where he had first started drawing flamingoes and heart-dotted aprons.]</p><p>They turn the central heating on, but it‘s still too chilly to take their coats off, so Seokjin offers to make tea and disappears into the kitchen, leaving Jungkook alone in the living room. </p><p>The whole floor is stuffed with boxes full of fairy lights and fancy napkins and champagne bottles. And flowers. <em>So many flowers. </em>And balloon bouquets, that float around freely and it‘s all just <em>a lot </em>and so very <em>TaeMin</em>. Jungkook appreciates the aesthetics. Really. But staying downstairs and taking in any more of it would give him a stroke.</p><p>It should probably be concerning that tossing his backpack into the room he used to share with Jimin (and Taehyung when he sneaked in through the backdoor in the middle of the night) and then heading straight to the tiny crooked one at the end of the hallway is muscle memory even after all these years - a habit he had picked up when Seokjin had grown too old and too busy and too <em>taken</em> to spend two whole weeks of his precious summer break in the middle of nowhere and only visited every once in a while. </p><p>Jungkook spent hours and hours just lying on his bed or on the fuzzy carpet, listening to the sappiest love songs he could find, watching the clouds and stars melt into fluid pastel galaxies through the angled window. Suffocating on the petals. Drowning in Seokjin. It wasn’t exactly a like-like kind of crush or innocent puppy love one would necessarily think back on fondly, but he does get a bit nostalgic when he opens the nightstand‘s first drawer and finds the old Walkman. With the creepy stalker mix tape in it.</p><p>Getting caught listening to it with the earphones in would be humiliating, so he opts for turning the volume up to the max - the music is quiet and muffled, but he knows the songs well enough to make out every word that floats out of the entangled earphones on the nightstand. So much for being over the lovesick teenage phase and handling his feelings like a grown-up. He hopes creepy stalker mix tape guy is living his best life. He also hopes that Seokjin won‘t think it all too weird that he‘s sitting on his bed. The stairs are squeaking under his weight and soon enough Jungkook can hear his approaching steps.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>Seokjin stops in the door frame with two steaming cups in his hands and there is something familiar about the way he sways in place, hesitant to step in. Like he is waiting for an invitation.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>He should probably say something more coherent. But then again, Seokjin is the one who started out with a <em>Hi </em>like they are in a trashy Netflix original, so Jungkook really shouldn’t be blamed for his unoriginality. Why couldn’t he just stick to their usual script and scold him for invading his room or shame him for digging up the Walkman? Why is he staring at him like that?</p><p><em>Oh, God</em>.</p><p>Are they having a <em>moment</em>?  </p><p>“I- uhm, I made tea”, Seokjin says and Jungkook nods, and then Seokjin tears his gaze from his face to look down at his checkered socks and crosses the room to sit on the bed and hands him one of the mugs and the moment is destroyed and Jungkook can stop holding his breath. Thank fuck.</p><p>“I could only find these old peppermint tea-bags, so it‘s a bit gross, but I figured you wouldn’t mind because you love toothpaste flavored stuff anyway and-“</p><p>He is interrupted by Jungkook‘s coughing fit after the first sip of the still way too hot and way too alcoholy tea. Wow. It‘s stronger than anything he‘s had since he came back from Germany. The taste brings back traumatic <em>Berliner Luft </em>memories.</p><p>“- and I thought Jimin and Taehyung wouldn’t mind if we opened up one of the whiskeys, to warm us up after banishing us to freeze to death here.”</p><p>“Hyung, this is disgusting”, he croaks out and Seokjin looks really proud of himself.</p><p>“Should be right up your alley then.”</p><p>He‘s such an asshole. However, he doesn’t comment on the cheesy background music and Jungkook is really thankful for that so he doesn’t tell him how awful he is. Just keeps taking tiny sips of the drink and staring at the carpet because sitting here with Seokjin brings back too many memories and looking at him would probably make him do something stupid. Something really stupid, like, <em>night-of-the-drunk-almost-kiss </em>kind of stupid. Listening to the creepy stalker mix tape without throwing himself at him is difficult enough as it is. It feels like his heart is a fucking bird - feral and trapped in his chest, fluttering around desperately, beating its wings against his ribcage. He needs to distract himself from it.</p><p>“I can‘t believe Jimin and Taehyung are getting married.”</p><p>Okay, so maybe weddings aren’t the best topic to bring up on the very same bed he had looked up the legality of same-sex marriages in. Oh well.</p><p>“Yeah. Me neither. But it makes sense, I guess”, Seokjin says, putting the mug on the nightstand. He pulls his feet up on the bed, turning to face Jungkook. These must be the ugliest holiday socks he has ever seen. “It‘s like they were destined to be the cringey couple that ties knots before they turn thirty to make us feel bad about our single selves, you know?”</p><p>“There are worse things than being single.”</p><p>
  <em>Like pining for your best friend for eight years.</em>
</p><p>It just slips out. He shouldn’t have said that.</p><p>“Of course, there are. But-“, he pauses for a moment. “But this isn’t about the agency, is it? I mean, I know it wasn’t the greatest experience ever, like, don‘t get me wrong, everyone you worked with sounded super obnoxious and I know how acknowledgment is important to you and I know you have this weird fixation on being the best all the time and you are! Seriously. Always. But statistically speaking there needs to be at least a few other agencies you could apply to in Seoul and we‘ve talked about the whole peaking in your twenties thing and- and it‘s not like you don’t have any new plans, right?”</p><p>He nods albeit a little helplessly because he isn’t really following Seokjin‘s trail of thoughts. Are they still talking about relationships? Is this one of his weird metaphors? His face must give him away because Seokjin clears his throat and when he goes on his voice is a lot softer and he is obviously doing his best to speak very slowly.</p><p>“You- you still plan on staying in Seoul, don‘t you? You‘re not going to, you know, just pack your bags and leave, right?”</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>“No, what the actual- I mean, yeah, I do plan on staying in Seoul, but- what kind of question is that?“</p><p>“Oh, thank God!”, he sighs. “I don’t know, it‘s just that Taehyung told me you weren’t happy in Seoul and then you had that scary break-down and I-I just really, really hate the idea of you leaving. Seriously, it would be <em>horrible</em> if you were gone. And I would miss you so much. Like, imagine how awful it would be if I‘d have to do my laundry myself again and the dishes too and-“</p><p>Bold of him to assume that he would ever give up playing house with him. <em>I would miss you so much. </em>The bird gets more desperate with every word. He needs to interrupt him. <em>I would miss you so much. </em>Right now.</p><p>“Hyung? It‘s okay. I‘m not going anywhere.”</p><p><em>I would miss you so much. </em>Jungkook smiles at him.  <em>I would miss you so much.</em></p><p>Seokjin doesn’t smile back.</p><p>Just keeps staring at him and biting his bottom lip and Whitney Houston‘s voice is the only thing Jungkook hears apart from the blood throbbing in his ear and it‘s a bit unsettling because the bird keeps fluttering and the space ships are chasing each other again and they both kind of stop breathing and he should probably say something but his tongue feels like a useless piece of parchment paper.</p><p>And then Seokjin grabs his sweater. And he pulls him closer. And then he kisses him.</p><p>
  <em>There‘s no way this is actually happening. </em>
</p><p>[He is drowning. For real. Floating and sinking and flying at the same time. And the bird bursts into a whole flock of equally feral ones.]</p><p>Seokjin‘s mouth is hot against his. Tongue sliding over Jungkook‘s lips, slipping in between them as his hand glides up to cup his face and tilt it so he can deepen the kiss and Jungkook is <em>so fucked.</em> Just straight up imploding and-</p><p>He can barely suppress a whine when Seokjin pulls back. Covering his mouth, he blinks at Jungkook with his eyes wide.</p><p>“Oh God, I‘m- I‘m so sorry, I don‘t know what just-“</p><p>Jungkook needs him to shut up. So he kisses him again. Without asking if it‘s okay first, which is most likely a turn-off (because consent <em>is </em>sexy) but Seokjin kisses back. Regardless of the fact that Jungkook goes about it very ungracefully and their noses bump against each other in an unsexy way and their teeth clash. It is kind of uncomfortable. But it also makes them both laugh and that eases the nervous tension, so it‘s okay. And Seokjin pulling him up onto the narrow bed probably counts as enthusiastic non-verbal consent.</p><p>It‘s all so surreal, really.</p><p>The messy, wet, mint-whiskey-and firework-flavored kisses. The sensation of suffocating. Soft pecks peppered on his cheeks and chin and in the corner of his mouth when they <em>really</em> need to catch their breaths. The creepy stalker mix tape playing on in the background as Seokjin pushes him back against the headboard and straddles him. He‘s burning up. They both are.</p><p>“I guess this is more effective than the whiskey-tea. You got to do what you got to do not to freeze to death”, Seokjin says, taking off his sweater, and Jungkook hums in agreement because it <em>is </em>a lot more effective. And then their lips meet again and he holds on to Seokjin‘s hips to steady him as his hands roam his body under the layers of his clothes. He gets rid of them piece by piece.</p><p>“Is that- is that <em>my </em>shirt?”</p><p>
  <em>Awkward.</em>
</p><p>“No. Yes. Don’t know. Got them mixed up.”</p><p>He pulls the shirt over his head and tosses it on the floor.</p><p>“Sure. Bet you did.”</p><p>It doesn’t really matter if he buys his half-assed white lie anyway. Jungkook stands by his love-struck clown identity. Hell, when it comes to him he‘s the whole circus.  </p><p>There‘s a storm of fluttering wings in his chest. Seokjin‘s mouth follows the traces of his fingers. Coming up to meet his lips again and again, he is setting him on fire. <em>Lovelovelove</em>. Seokjin lets him strip him off his shirt and his jeans, laughing as he struggles with the zipper. So pretty. Soft and pale and perfect. Bruising in shades of purple and pink and moaning his name as he leaves a trail of love bites down his neck.</p><p>“Ah, Jungkook-ah, you‘re like-like a fucking vampire.”</p><p>“Yeah. But- like, a hot one, right?”</p><p>Seokjin rolls his eyes.</p><p>“No. Vampires are always cold. Everyone knows that. That‘s the whole point of being undead.”</p><p>He can‘t help but pout.</p><p>“Don‘t look at me like that. I don‘t make the rules. But you‘re very, very hot in the metaphorical sense of the word”, he says slipping a hand into his boxers. To demonstrate his point, Jungkook guesses. Then he pauses.</p><p>“Is this okay?”</p><p><em>Damn</em>. Jungkook‘s breath hitches. This night is going to kill him.</p><p>He can‘t really formulate an intelligible answer with Seokjin‘s hand brushing against him like that, so he just nods. Maybe a bit too eagerly. With his eyes wide and vision blurry from the pastel stars.</p><p>And the next thing he knows is that Seokjin is wrapping his fingers around his dick. <em>Fuck.</em> Going slowly, biting his lip in concentration as he‘s stroking and smearing pre-cum and kind of just grinding down on him. Using his other hand to tug at his boxers. Jungkook should help, but he is too busy blinking the stars away. Processing that <em>this is actually happening for real.</em> Until Seokjin‘s frustrated groan makes him snap out of his head.</p><p>“We need to take them off!”</p><p>Yes. Of course. Best idea ever.</p><p>They try to get rid of them with united efforts but undressing on a narrow single bed is a tricky mission. Seokjin‘s help gets them tangled up in each other even more and then he loses his balance and they end up falling off. Landing on the carpet with a dull thud.</p><p>It cracks them up.</p><p>“This is literally only your fault”, Seokjin wheezes out rolling on top of him again. “How can anyone take their underwear off like this? What the fuck, Kookie?”</p><p>“You‘re just too inflexible to keep up. Guess it‘s an old-people-thing.”</p><p>“Yah! You have no idea how-“</p><p>Jungkook flips them over before he can finish the sentence. Just to annoy him. It‘s too easy. He loves it. And he loves how he can simply shut his complaints up by dipping down to kiss him. And how Seokjin is tugging at his hair, pulling him closer, his dick throbbing against his stomach. And how he feels exactly like those glittery underwater galaxies he had painted about him. <em>Lovelovelove. </em></p><p>He is spiraling. Losing every last one of his brain cells. And he should really just stick to panting and moaning and the like and keep his tongue in check otherwise, but Seokjin is trembling under him and Jungkook needs to be even closer and he has never exactly had a filter when it came down to it and the whole scene is already unreal enough as it is, so he doesn’t stop the words from tumbling out of him.</p><p>“Hyung… can I- can I fuck you?”</p><p><em>Shit</em>.</p><p>He regrets it as soon as the question leaves his mouth.</p><p>
  <em>Shitshitshitshitshit.</em>
</p><p>He has probably ruined the moment and he kind of wants to die because a hot make-out session and the beginnings of a hand job don’t have to mean that Seokjin is up for having sex with him and friends shouldn’t do these kinds of things without talking about them first and Jimin and Yugyeom would judge him so hard for everything that is currently happening but especially for the cursed question and Seokjin probably thinks that Jungkook is thirsty and needy and he is right because he is. And he probably finds it super repulsive and the assumption that he would let Jungkook fuck him without discussing it beforehand is just immature and <em>bad</em>. Maybe Seokjin wants to top, which. Jungkook would be more than down for that too. But he didn’t offer that option now, did he? So he probably messed up big time and maybe he will throw up because his stomach sinks as Seokjin‘s blinks up at him with his hazy eyes and-</p><p>- and then his mouth curls into the most annoying, awful, shit-eating grin.</p><p>“I don‘t know. <em>Can </em>you?”</p><p>Oh. Wow. He wasn’t braced for that. <em>What does this even mean?</em></p><p>“Is this, uhm, a trick question?”</p><p>Seokjin chuckles, combing his hair back. Nails scraping his skull. Sending chills down his spine.</p><p>“No, it‘s more, like, you know, a challenge”, he says. And then he snaps out of the weird bedroom voice and frowns up at him. “It also depends on whether you happen to have any lube on you. Don‘t get me wrong. I‘d <em>love</em> to let you fuck me. But real-life dry sex isn’t really a thing.”</p><p><em>Right.</em> That‘s a good point. Lube <em>is </em>essential. But how the hell could he have foreseen ending up naked on the floor?</p><p>He shakes his head and Seokjin sucks in his bottom lip and Jungkook can practically see the tiny wheels in his brain getting to work. Turning faster and faster. Like when he gets into a study flow. He keeps staring into his eyes and Jungkook feels pressured to think with his head instead of his dick too. Or to try to, at least. And then all at once, their telepathy kicks in and there‘s a flash of realization and Seokjin‘s eyes go wide and his mouth drops open.</p><p>“Guest room!”, they both blurt out at the same time and Jungkook is already scrambling to his feet. The sudden loss of Seokjin‘s body heat makes him shiver and he is a bit dizzy, but also determined to sprint down, find the bottle and get back up in less than a minute. He has to. Waiting any longer would literally kill him. Even if it means running through the house naked with a hard-on.</p><p>“I‘ll be right back! Don‘t move!”</p><p>Seokjin laughs again. Still sprawled out on the carpet. So pretty.</p><p>“Can I at least get back up on the bed?”</p><p>Jungkook nods. The idea of having sex on the floor is quite tempting, but he is too much of a romantic to give up on the starry sky above them. That much he owes to his horny, lovesick sixteen-year-old self.</p><p>He almost breaks his neck racing down the stairs.</p><p>He never thought that he would ever be thankful for Jimin‘s and Taehyung‘s weird discovery kink, but he has to admit that their habit of precautiously hiding lube wherever they might sneak away to for a quickie at the most inappropriate times can actually come in very handy. It isn’t even hidden that well - Jungkook only has to lift up the mattress to find the travel-sized bottle. Or maybe he has just known them for too long. Rushing up the stairs he makes a mental note on thanking them for - well, for everything, really.</p><p>“That was… actually quite impressive”, Seokjin says when he reaches the room.</p><p>Jungkook‘s heart drops again. It‘s ridiculous how he is so in love that the mere sight of him between the sheets turns him into a quivering mess. He tosses him the bottle and crawls into the bed too, wrapping himself around Seokjin.</p><p>“Yeah. ‘m fast.”</p><p>He watches him inspect the label. Inhaling him with his nose buried in his neck. Catching fire again.</p><p>“Fuck. It‘s strawberry flavored.”</p><p>Seokjin says it like it‘s the most outrageous thing ever. It gets him cackling.</p><p>“It‘s Taehyung‘s and Jimin‘s, of course it‘s strawberry flavored.”</p><p>“We should just straight up stop being friends with them”, Seokjin murmurs. He lets it slip between the folds of the linen as he leans back against the pillows and squeezes Jungkook‘s hand. Pulling him closer. Lips ghosting over his. “But I guess it will still do the job.”</p><p>He is right. It does, in fact, do the job. Despite the sickeningly sweet scent that makes Seokjin wrinkle his nose in disgust to Jungkook‘s amusement and despite his clumsy, shaky fingers. The fact that they are really doing this is still quite overwhelming and keeping up with his game plan while the room keeps spinning around him is not that easy. Seokjin doesn’t seem to mind though.</p><p>“Want me to turn over?”</p><p>It‘s an awful request. Jungkook‘s startled face makes him laugh.  </p><p>“No. Wanna see you”, he whispers and it‘s a bit embarrassing but he is so tender for him that ripping himself open like this leaves him unfazed.</p><p>Seokjin flushes an even deeper shade of red under his gaze. Looking like he‘s about to melt too. <em>Lovelovelove.</em></p><p>“Okay. Fair<em>.</em> I‘d want to see me too.”</p><p>He kisses him again before Jungkook could answer. Very gently. Taking over<em>.</em></p><p>Wrapping his legs around him, and working himself open on his fingers. Slowly and steadily, instructing him to go deeper and to add more between sloppy kisses. Holding on to his wrist and licking into his mouth. Swallowing down every sound, so that the muffled music is still the only noise in the room. Throwing his head back and biting down on his lip as his fingers hit the right spot. Burning up around him.</p><p>He guides him into himself with a firm grip and a little hiss<em>.</em> And he is hot and tight and perfect, and moaning his name again and Jungkook is <em>so</em> <em>gone. </em>Completely out of it even before Seokjin can give him his okay to start moving. He brings his hands up to grasp his shoulders, leaving gross strawberry-lube-traces across his ribs, and the way his eyes roll back at his first insecure thrusts bursts flames everywhere.</p><p>Jungkook still can’t believe this is happening. But he is definitely having the time of his life.</p><p>It‘s kind of funny how he was the one to ask if he could fuck Seokjin when, aside from the technicalities, it feels more like Seokjin is fucking him now. Grabbing his ass, pushing himself against him to meet his movements. Clenching down. Taking him deeper and deeper.  Obviously enjoying himself as he watches Jungkook fall apart through heavy-lidded, hazy eyes.</p><p>And Jungkook is falling. Completely powerless.</p><p>His whole body feels like a single earthquake as he keeps pounding into him. Probably too fast and too hard to match his perfectly scripted, soft, pink teenage fantasies but it‘s not like he cares at this point. Too busy combusting and trying his best to make Seokjin see the glittery galaxies too. Grabbing his dick and jerking him off while he keeps thrusting into him gets him writhing and dragging his nails down his back, so he hopes it‘s working. Because he can‘t keep this up a lot longer - not that he hasn’t already lost his sense of time. For all he knows, they could’ve been going at it for hours.</p><p>There are white-hot explosions of pastel lights when he comes. Colors and shapes spilling into each other in front of his wide closed eyes. <em>Holy fuck.</em> Muscles going limp, he can barely get Seokjin off before his limbs give out under him.</p><p>Wow.</p><p>Trying to catch his breath, he collapses on top of Seokjin‘s slack, still panting body. His heartbeat is fluttering against Jungkook's cheek and his fingers twitch against Jungkooks‘ when he puts his hand on his. <em>Lovelovelove.</em></p><p>Unreal.</p><p>Everything about what just happened is unreal.  </p><p>And lying between the sweat- and cum-drenched sheets, engulfed in him, feeling weightless and tender and pink and baby blue is nice, but also unnerving. Because one of them should probably say or do something to snap them out of this hazy aftershock very soon, right?</p><p>But Seokjin stays silent and with the creepy stalker mix tape as the only sound in the room Jungkook can‘t think of anything that isn’t a cringey love confession, which. Well. Wouldn’t really be the most appropriate post-sex small talk starter. He needs it to stop before he slips again.</p><p>“Can we just turn it off?”, he asks reaching for the Walkman, but Seokjin catches his hand and folds his arm around himself.</p><p>“Are you kidding me? There‘s nothing better than coming down from a sex-high with a <em>sax solo</em>”, he slurs, and then he bursts into his annoying windshield wiper giggles.</p><p>“Oh, God. I <em>hate </em>you”, Jungkook groans.</p><p>“Get it? It‘s a double pun. Sex-<em>high </em>and sax so<em>low</em>.”</p><p>His chest heaves with laughter Jungkook contemplates pushing him off the bed. He decides against it for comfort reasons. It would take too much effort. So he settles for sinking his teeth into the skin above his collarbone and it makes Seokjin flinch and ask him to <em>drop the Twilight act for the love of God</em>. And then the tension is gone.</p><p>[Jungkook feels exhausted enough to drift off to sleep right away, but Seokjin nudges him until he gets up to drink a glass of water and clean up and Jungkook asks him to please stop acting like a suburban mom who only gets it twice a year and Seokjin makes him switch the lube- and cum-stained linen for the clean one from his room as a way of showing <em>active repentance</em> for being mean and disrespectful. It‘s past two a.m. when they finally fall back into the bed. Pressed up against each other. Fitting perfectly. Like two fucked out puzzle pieces. Seokjin falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow and Jungkook holds him very very close while he gazes up at the stars above them. And as his eyes fall shut he feels the flowers again. But it seems like they aren’t really trying to crawl up his throat or suffocate him anymore - their petals are falling now. Flooding his empty ribcage. <em>He</em> <em>is</em> <em>so</em> <em>in</em> <em>love</em>.]   </p><p>*</p><p>Jungkook wakes up in Seokjin‘s arms. Face mere inches from his. And he‘s so pretty that he ends up spending about fifteen whole minutes watching him sleep like some creepy sparkling vampire before he gets up. Just to stick to his new brand.   </p><p>His feet aren’t really touching the cold parquet floor as he leaves the room. He is swaying above the ground as he loads last night‘s evidence into the ancient washing machine and he is swaying while he makes coffee and he is swaying when he opens the door to let Jimin and his parents in and he is swaying as they sort through the boxes.</p><p>Still swaying when Seokjin finally stumbles down the stairs. Still swaying as he greets him from where he is helping Jimin‘s dad untangle the fairy lights. Still swaying as he rushes over to him with one of the chocolate pies Granny Kim has sent them.</p><p>Crash landing in reality when Seokjin flashes him a stiff fake smile and averts his gaze to avoid meeting his eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Confession time: Writing the smut scene took me longer than writing the last four chapters did - I am fairly new to explicit, longer-than-one-paragraph sex scenes and I struggled A LOT, but I am actually quite happy with the way it turned out and I hope you guys didn't hate it either! </p><p>Funfact 1: The glass plates Taehyung hates so much are a piece of art I saw at the glass-art-gallery that one of my grandmother‘s friends works at. She gave us an exclusive guided tour two years ago and actually started crying while describing how the cracks represented the stations of the cross and we all tried SO HARD to see it, but sadly we didn't. I guess that‘s how abstract art works. It‘s so fascinating. </p><p>Funfact 2: "Berliner Luft" (the drink JK compares the gross whiskey-tea to) is a peppermint liqueur that‘s super popular in Germany and I will never get the hype because in my honest opinion it‘s simply disgusting?</p><p>Anyway, thank you very much for reading, and have a lovely day ^^ Leaving a kudo or comment would really brighten up mine - please share your thoughts with me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Seokjin is twenty-seven the night he realizes he is in love with Jungkook for the first time. Which is kind of the worst timing ever since it‘s also the first night he spends back at their apartment in Seoul after Taehyung‘s disastrous birthday weekend.</p><p>(get ready for: Seokjin freaking out and angsting for 6k words; soft, pretty, hurt and ANGRY JK; the surprise engagement party; Taehyung‘s A+ bestfriending; the big realization; Sope being everyone‘s unproblematic faves and the Berlin boombox idea)</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! Lately work and apartment-hunting have made squeezing in writing sessions quite difficult, but I have finally managed to finish this chapter and I‘m very excited to share it with you - your kudos and comments have been super motivating, so I really, really hope that you will like the next part of this story &lt;3</p><p>(I would like to apologize for the frustrating bits in advance -Seokjin is still very, very dumb, but what‘s new? I promise he gets his shit together by the end of this chapter though!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>VI.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, so maybe Seokjin has never really had any impulse control at all. According to Yong-Sun‘s astrological analysis, his Sagittarius sun and Aries moon made him prone to stupid, life-ruining decisions. He was basically born to be an idiot and fuck things up - it was all written in the stars.</p><p>Looking back on his poor life choices filled with regret is nothing new for Seokjin. Flinging his criminal procedures classes and trying to rearrange honey cookies on the sheet <em>in</em> the preheated oven as well as the whole fake-relationship story were all personal low points.</p><p>But by sleeping with his best friend <em>slash</em> roommate <em>slash</em> fake boyfriend he has definitely hit the ultimate rock bottom.</p><p>[Thinking back on the events of last night makes him weak even if he does it in a very rational, non-explicit way. He would probably collapse if he allowed himself to <em>really</em> remember it all. Jungkook pressed up against him and Jungkook under him and over him and <em>in</em> him and Jungkook’s mouth and Jungkook‘s hands and Jungkook‘s teeth everywhere. Skin covered in strawberry scented flames and his heart clenching around itself in <em>cursedcursedcursed</em> ways. His knees give out.]</p><p>Kissing Jungkook was a brainless moron move. A fatal mistake. It kind of marked the beginning of the end. He should have stopped after the first one. Should have laughed it off and blamed it on the alcohol and gone to sleep. Just because he had been aching to do it for weeks didn’t mean he <em>had to</em>. He also ached to drop out of law school every time finals week rolled around, and he ached to eat garlic bread despite his allergy, but he managed to do without those, didn’t he? Kissing Jungkook shouldn’t have been any different. And he had been doing <em>such a good job </em>at repressing his intrusive thoughts. At being a great, supportive, reliable friend and a responsible hyung and all that shit. How could he fuck up so badly?</p><p>He is a despicable idiot. The absolute worst.</p><p>But rock bottom means that there‘s no way but up, right? Maybe dealing with the aftermath in a responsible adult way could trigger an evolution (like in Pokémon) and let him step into his higher self or something. He just needs to figure out how to go about it. How to act in front of everyone and how to look Jungkook in the eye without coming undone. Like, real fast. Avoiding him and hiding out in the car aren’t really permanent solutions.</p><p>The way Jungkook goes about the whole affair doesn’t help. His cheerful <em>good morning</em> and the way he casually offered him a chocolate pie after Seokjin had <em>finally</em> managed to stop hyperventilating and to get his breathing under control with the help of a lotus animation gif to feel stable enough to go downstairs, freaked him out enough to pretend he was already running late for his first task of the day.</p><p>
  <em>“Thanks, but I‘m not hungry. I need to get to the bakery. See you later.”</em>
</p><p>He didn’t wait for Jungkook‘s or anyone else‘s answer - Jimin might have remarked that the bakery had not opened yet and Seokjin would have <em>died</em> if he was forced to spend another minute in the house.</p><p>So, he drove over to Granny Kim‘s. Wished Taehyung a happy birthday and drank a few sips of lukewarm tea. Never meeting their eyes. Jumped up and pretended to be running late <em>again</em> as soon as she asked him if Jungkook and he had managed to get any sleep in the cold vacation house. <em>Cursedcursedcursed. </em></p><p>The truth is that Seokjin had always tried his best to understand Jungkook. Even his weird little quirks, like his love for laundry detergents and gross food combos (sometimes he still has nightmares about the things he made him eat throughout the years, especially that disgusting bacon and jam breakfast sandwich he was so passionate about) and his lowkey concerning obsession with <em>everything</em> being <em>perfect</em> all the time <em>at any cost</em>. He really did. But some things he could never quite wrap his mind around - the friendship plus concept Jungkook had explained to him after sleeping with that German tattoo artist being one of them.</p><p>No strings attached arrangements and one-night stands were something he understood. Sex was just sex after all. But with friendships involved one couldn’t just <em>decide</em> not to feel anything. The strings were kind of a given. And the idea of their relationship spiraling into some weird European friends-with-benefits-construction and Jungkook being okay with casual fucking is just as bad as the idea of their friendship breaking apart over this little slip-up.</p><p>Seokjin can‘t let any of that happen. Jungkook has always felt like home after all. Losing him is too scary to even think about. He has never considered himself an overly dramatic person, but he is <em>positive</em> that even the slightest change in their dynamics would <em>physically</em> <em>kill</em> <em>him</em>. They just need to get over it. Their best chance is swiping it under the rug. Playing along and pretending that they are good without ever bringing up the events of last night. But, like, without actual interaction parts. He definitely isn’t ready to talk to Jungkook just yet.</p><p>Avoiding him shouldn’t be that difficult with all the pre-party craziness going on around them - he picks up the cupcakes and the enormous birthday <em>slash</em> engagement cake and eats a chocolate bar he finds in the glove compartment before heading back in. It has most likely expired weeks ago, but he doesn’t really register the taste of it anyway. He only forces it down because it‘s almost noon and he is getting dizzy. And, however nice the prospect of simply passing out and spending the next few days in blissful unconsciousness seems, fainting would be inconvenient and unfair to Jimin and Taehyung. Someone has to collect the band and the dance crew members from the railway station after all.</p><p>[The smell of the strawberry frosting triggers <em>cursedcursedcursed </em>memories, but he doesn’t get sick on the way back and he books this fact as a small, encouraging victory.]</p><p>It‘s getting better.</p><p>Everything is fine.</p><p>They are okay.</p><p>Sure, getting out of the car and going back into the buzzing house is scary. But he survives it. Even if unloading the pretty pink boxes in the kitchen feels like walking through a campy, rose-scented nightmare.</p><p>Jimin looks like he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Ordering people around, slipping into his thick Busan accent as he rambles on about his <em>vision</em>, losing it over every minor delay. Occasionally crouching down to cradle his head in his hands in frustration. Seokjin would love to join him. Maybe he would feel less wobbly on his feet if he just lied down and melted into the parquet floor.</p><p>The flowers and fairy lights are suffocating. And so is Jungkook. His presence filling out the whole building. Crushing the air out of Seokjin‘s lungs. All fluffy hair and pink pouts and layers and layers of summer scented clothes and big, confused doe-eyes. Boring into him sharply at every chance he gets. <em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>He keeps dodging Jungkook‘s looks and forces himself to smile at Jimin‘s parents when they thank him for his help. Greets a very tired Yoongi and a hyped-up Hobi who is busy rearranging the flower ornaments. Fakes a laugh when Moonbyul frowns at him and asks him if he is okay.</p><p>“Of course! Just a bit tired. You know, with the constitutional law exam coming up and all-“</p><p>“You look like shit”, she says, interrupting him. “Are you sure you aren’t ill or something?”</p><p>“Yes. I am fine. Seriously. But I have to pick up the band now. So. Talk to you later?”</p><p>And, without waiting for her answer, he‘s out again.</p><p>Back in the car.</p><p>Picking up the jazz quartet and making awkward smalltalk with them. Turning the radio on just to turn it off immediately after hearing the first chords of what promises to turn into a romantic ballad. He can‘t deal with creepy stalker mixtape music right now. Aunt Jiyeon should have thrown it out with the rest of Steve‘s tapes. It must be cursed. They should salt and burn it.</p><p>Back in the house.</p><p>Greeting Jungkook‘s parents in passing. Flashing them a painfully stiff smile. Blinking away the intrusive flashbacks of Jungkook‘s naked body quivering under his touch. Bumping into Taehyung who throws his arms around his neck with a giddy smile on his face.</p><p>“Hyung, could you please tell Jimin to stop losing his nerves over everything and just enjoy the party?”</p><p>“Everything looks perfect, Jimin-ah. The guests are loving it.”</p><p>If this wasn’t the worst day of his adult life, he could probably muster up the energy to assure him that the party is amazing in its own kitschy way and that everyone will be over the moon when they hear the announcement. But it <em>is </em>the worst day ever, so he hopes that squeezing Jimin‘s clammy hand is comforting enough. Then he catches sight of Jungkook and Yugyeom behind a huge bouquet of floating crème balloons and excuses himself to run upstairs like a hunted animal.</p><p>He locks himself into the bathroom with his suitcase and breathes in sync with the blooming lotus gif for a few minutes before he feels collected enough to dig out his change of clothes. Undressing in his old room is out of question. If he can help it, he will never ever enter it again.</p><p>With the heating on and more and more guests arriving, it‘s getting hot in the house. He still needs to keep the turtleneck on - his neck is covered in bruises. Which is ridiculous because hickeys shouldn’t even be happening at their age, right? What are they, fifteen? But letting his mind wander off to Jungkook‘s content little smile and lips and breath hovering over them is lethal. It makes his heart beat in a frightening tempo. <em>Cursedcursedcursed.</em></p><p>[Maybe he is about to suffer a heart attack. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if he did. Maybe he should manifest it. Just in case sticking to the original plan fails.]</p><p>Back downstairs.</p><p>Keeping away from Jungkook. Complimenting his mom‘s dress and introducing himself to two of Taehyung‘s school friends and saying hello to Taehyung‘s college friends and to Taehyung‘s uncle and cousins and to Taehyung‘s boss. Hating every second of it. Helping Yoongi and Granny Kim put the finishing touches on the canapé buffet and arranging the fruit-skewers around the chocolate fountain. Ignoring Jimin mumbling about giving the catering company a three-star review for bailing on him after the delivery without offering to help with the presentation. Repressing the memories of Jungkook‘s tongue in his mouth.</p><p>Back in the car.</p><p>Picking up Jimin‘s dance crew friends and making awkward smalltalk with them. Pretending to remember their names and ignoring their request of turning the radio on because another love song would make him crash the car into a tree.  </p><p>Back in the house.</p><p>Ignoring the lyrics of the cheesy jazz classic the band is playing. Socializing. Cringing inwardly as he waves at Jinyoung and Jackson. <em>Why would Jungkook hate you? He is probably just busy with his new university and his new friends and the culture shock. Yes, I am sure. He looks at you with heart-eyes all the time, Seokjin-ah. If he wasn’t a childhood friend of yours, I would feel threatened, to be honest.</em> Erasing the echo of that <em>cursedcursedcured </em>conversation once again.</p><p>Twirling Yong-Sun around and telling her that she looks stunning. Fake laughing when she tells him that she can‘t return the compliment. <em>Not</em> thinking about the way Jungkook had looked at him with his eyes full of stars and flames. <em>Cursedcursedcursed.</em></p><p>It‘s terribly tiring. He should eat something again. His blood sugar levels must be dropping by now. However, letting his guard down here, out in the open where he could literally run into Jungkook any second, is not an option, so he grabs a small plate and sneaks into the kitchen without making eye contact with anyone on his way there and stuffs two tiny canapés into his mouth at once as soon as the door closes behind him.</p><p>He nearly chokes on the salad rolls when it is opened again and Jungkook‘s voice tears through the dimmed music and his own coughing fit.</p><p>“Hyung? Are you okay?”</p><p>“Oh. Hi”, he croaks out, suddenly feeling like a cornered animal. “Yes. Sure. I mean, Jimin really outdid himself. It‘s - it‘s a great party. So.”</p><p>“Why are you hiding in here?”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>“I‘m not hiding. Just enjoying my canapé plate in peace. People kept eyeing it like they were about to rip it out of my hands and-“</p><p>Jungkook steps closer to him. Too close.</p><p>Well, not invading-personal-space close, but still. Seokjin could touch him now. If he wanted to. Not that he does. But he <em>could</em>. And that‘s distressing enough to make his heart skip a beat. Maybe the manifestation worked and the heart attack will arrive in time to save him.</p><p>“You‘ve been avoiding me this whole day”, Jungkook says. Voice too light and too gentle. It makes everything so much worse. “Are you- are you mad at me?”</p><p>“What? No, I- why would I be mad at you?”</p><p>Jungkook lowers his gaze and his bangs fall into his face and Seokjin‘s fingers twitch mechanically. Muscle memory. He can barely stop himself from brushing them back.  </p><p>“You know. Because of last night.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>He waits for the heart attack to take him away. Counts the shallow breaths he manages to take in the short, silent little infinity that follows his super eloquent answer. <em>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six</em>. He should say something.  </p><p>“Well, I‘m not. We‘re okay.”</p><p>Jungkook stops staring at the tiles. He tries to puff and shake his hair out of his eyes without taking his hands out of his pockets and it kind of reminds Seokjin of when they were kids and his fingers are still itching to just reach over and do it for him and it‘s all very, very awful.</p><p>“Okay. I guess we should- we should probably talk about it”, he says. Faint smile faltering as his eyes meet Seokjins‘. “Right? I mean, people usually do after-”</p><p>“We don‘t have to.”</p><p>Okay, so <em>maybe</em> he is not ready for his Pokémon evolution just yet. Maybe he needs to handle things <em>his </em>way. Sticking to his favorite method aka ignoring the issue and banishing it into his subconscious to make it go away forever. So, he blabbers on. Hating himself more with every single word.</p><p>“I mean. If you want to just, you know, forget about it and never ever mention it again, it‘s - uhm, it‘s fine by me. We can just pretend it never happened and-”</p><p>“Wait, what?”, Jungkook asks. Barely audibly. Looking soft and pretty and hurt and Seokjin flinches and then he goes on louder this time. “Was it- was it that <em>bad</em> for you?”</p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>“No! Oh God, no! It was <em>great</em>. Really. <em>You </em>were great”, he pauses for a second. Jungkook still looks hurt. “It‘s just that I can‘t do the friendship plus thing.”</p><p>“The friendship plus thing?”</p><p>“Like you and tattoo guy in Berlin. Don‘t get me wrong. I don‘t think it‘s a bad thing per se. Casual sex can be awesome and, like, I totally get the appeal of it, it‘s just. Not really something I see <em>us </em>doing, you know?”</p><p>Jungkook‘s eyes are so huge, they basically fill out his whole face now. It‘s kind of scary.</p><p>“Wait. You think I want to be… <em>friends with benefits</em> with you?”</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t?</em>
</p><p>“You don‘t?”</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“Oh, thank God! So, we both agree that it was a one-time thing that we never intend to bring up again even though it was great?”</p><p>Jungkook‘s face falls. He is speechless for a second. Then he laughs. And it‘s quite upsetting because his laughter usually sounds like home, but now it‘s bitter and hollow and Seokjin‘s insides curl up.</p><p>“Wow. I literally cannot believe this.”</p><p>“Kookie, I-“</p><p>“It didn’t mean anything to you, did it?”</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>“No. I mean, yes, but, like-“</p><p>“You <em>never</em> considered anything more than that, right?”</p><p>Seokjin‘s mind is blank. Every thought he has ever had erased.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know, like, a real relationship? A romantic one?”</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>Jungkook‘s eyes are piercing through him. Tearing him open, getting his chest in pieces. He is still soft and pretty and hurt, but also angry. <em>Fuckfuckfuck.</em></p><p>“Never? Not even for a second back there when we were <em>literally </em>pretending to be a couple and making up that stargazing flower field first date story for your co-workers? Not even when we were having sex?”</p><p>He wants to tell him that he has not. To explain how romantic relationships are complicated and messy and <em>doomed</em>. That eight times out of ten they come to an end eventually and that statistically speaking the two of them are already screwed because there‘s no way Jimin and Taehyung or Yoongi and Hobi are ever going to break up. That Jungkook would eventually outgrow him and leave and that he could never risk losing him. But he can‘t. Not when Jungkook looks like he is about to cry because of him.</p><p>“I- I just <em>really </em>don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”</p><p>“Yeah, right. Because sending mixed signals and playing hide and seek afterward doesn‘t ruin friendships.”</p><p>“Mixed signals? What are you talking about?”</p><p>“You know what? You‘re right. There were no mixed signals. Most people would call <em>kissing </em>and <em>fucking </em>your friends pretty straightforward.”</p><p>Yeah. Well. He does have a point.</p><p>“I‘m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”</p><p>Jungkook laughs again.</p><p>“Okay. Cool. Thanks.”</p><p>“Look, I know it wasn’t okay, but you‘re being unfair. You kissed me too after I pulled back and-“</p><p>The look Jungkook gives him kills all the words in him.</p><p>“Yeah, but you could have said no! You <em>should have</em>! You can‘t just go around sleeping with people and- and making them feel like you have feelings for them without actually having them. Like, what the fuck, hyung? Who <em>does that</em>?!”</p><p>The door swings shut with a dull thump and just like every other time he had come to the conclusion that things couldn’t get any worse, Jimin enters the scene to prove him wrong. Great.</p><p>“You did <em>what </em>now?”</p><p>“Jimin-ah, I-“</p><p>“Hyung thinks it‘s okay to have sex with people he has known since their fucking birth and then ask them to treat it like a casual one-night stand.”</p><p>Jimin‘s mouth drops open and he <em>really </em>feels like he is going to throw up any second now.</p><p>“<em>You </em>were the one who asked!”</p><p>He shouldn’t have said that. Jungkook winces as Jimin turns to him.</p><p>“So <em>this </em>is your idea of talking about your feelings? What‘s wrong with you?”</p><p>Jungkook doesn’t answer. He just keeps staring down at the counter. Rubbing at his eyes. Shrinking. Fading. Hurt. Seokjin‘s hands feel weirdly empty again.</p><p>It‘s still for a moment. He could just cross the distance between them and hold Jungkook. But he doesn’t. Giving in to his Aries moon desires is what got them into this mess in the first place and Jungkook would probably hate him for it anyway. So he stays where he is, balling his hands into fists and holding his breath and waiting for <em>someone </em>to say <em>something</em> because he can‘t.</p><p>And then Jimin explodes.</p><p>“Oh. My. God. You are the worst. Both of you. I- I cant deal with this right now”, he groans, burying his face in his hands. “You can‘t ruin Tae‘s party. I‘m serious. I‘ve been working my ass off to make this happen and it‘s already a disaster with all the delays and, like, eighty percent of the people out there only tolerate me because of Tae anyway and they are going to <em>hate</em> the engagement twist and I‘ll have to smile through it so he doesn’t notice because for some reason it‘s really important to him and-“</p><p>His voice gives out and Seokjin makes a weak attempt at putting his hand on his arm.</p><p>“Jimin-ah, I‘m sorry-“</p><p>Jimin pulls away.</p><p>“No! I <em>can‘t </em>deal with your bullshit right now. You are both so unbelievably dumb and selfish and I <em>hate you </em>right now. Tae‘s dramatic speech starts in fifteen minutes and you both need to get your shit together until then. You have to pretend to have a great time and be there for him and work it out later. I will <em>physically fight you</em> if he realizes that anything is off.”</p><p>He looks at them like he means it. Which is concerning in view of his Kendo history and the tension is getting more and more unnerving with every passing second.  </p><p>And then Jungkook storms out of the kitchen.</p><p>Leaving Jimin and Seokjin alone.</p><p>It reminds him of their first Hadong-gun summer. When Jungkook and Jimin had managed to break his aunt‘s favorite teapot during a heated argument about Jimin abandoning him for his new friend. Jungkook had stormed off that day too. Leaving Seokjin to pick up the broken pieces. Oh, well. How the tables have tabled.</p><p>“It‘s- it‘s a great party, Jimin-ah”, he finally says.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“Tae loves it.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“He loves <em>you</em>. Everyone does. They don‘t just <em>tolerate </em>you. And everyone will love the wedding. And I‘m sure Taehyung appreciates that you are doing this for him.”</p><p>Pause.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Jimin fixes his hair and suit jacket with a shaky exhale.</p><p>“You need to get it together, hyung. I mean it.”</p><p>And then he is out too.</p><p>Leaving Seokjin alone with the shards.</p><p> </p><p>[The rest of the party is just a blur of mellow scenes that flow by him. Taehyung asking for everyone‘s attention and smiling his gleamy smile as he thanks them for coming. He recounts the milestones of the epic <em>Taemin</em> love story with Jimin clinging to his side and putting on his best poker face. Fingers drumming against his champagne glass a bit too frantically, coming to a halt when Tae gives away the <em>big announcement.</em> Jungkook smiling and clapping along with the crowd. Wiping tears from his eyes. Taehyung kissing Jimin. Toasts and congratulations and sappy love songs. Lots of fancy drinks and cake and cupcakes. Yong-Sun telling him to cheer up and dance with her. Yong-Sun pouting when he tells her to ask Hoseok. Yoongi thanking him for finding a partner for his boyfriend and standing by his side, silently watching the couples spin around the improvised dance floor. Jungkook sitting on the porch with a bottle of champagne. Without his coat on. Suppressing the urge to bring it out for him. Lotus gif bathroom breaks. Watching Jungkook hug his parents and Taehyung and get into Yugyeom‘s car. Eating three cupcakes and getting sick. Asking Moonbyul and Yong-sun if he could sleep in the guest room with them because the idea of taking his own bed gets him feeling worse than the strawberry frosting. Shivering under the enormous pile of blankets Moonbyul drapes over them. Triple texting Jungkook at four in the morning. Just to ask if he is okay. Getting blocked. Drowning in air.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>He feels too miserable to talk to anyone when he wakes up wedged between Yong-Sun and Moonbyul the next morning, so he pretends to be too hungover to keep a conversation going and ditches his friends to stick to his mom and Byung-hoon throughout brunch. The way he feeds her pieces of blueberry pancake from his plate helps Seokjin keep the act up. They are equal parts cute and nauseating. A bit like Jimin and Taehyung who are sitting on the couch across the room and avoid looking in his direction. Understandable. Not helping with the knots in his stomach.</p><p>“Darling, you haven’t eaten anything at all. Are you sure you are feeling alright?”</p><p>“Of course. Just- just a bit tired.”</p><p>Byung-hoon laughs.</p><p>“Seokjin-ah, you are way too young to be this tired after an engagement party.”</p><p>“Byung-hoon is right”, his mom chimes in. “If Jungkook can muster up the energy to fly to Germany today, you can eat some pancakes.”</p><p>
  <em>Hyung? It‘s okay. I‘m not going anywhere.</em>
</p><p>“Oh? He is?”</p><p>His mom and Byung-hoon share a confused look.</p><p>“He didn’t tell you?”</p><p>“No. I mean, I guess he did. I must have missed it. I, uhm, I had a few too many drinks.”</p><p>She raises her eyebrows in displeasure, but he doesn’t really care at this point. Telling her and her boyfriend that he got black-out drunk is still a lot better than anyone else finding out about Jungkook and him. The thought makes him shudder.</p><p>“Apparently that one friend of his, you know, the cute one with the painted nails, invited him to celebrate New Year’s Eve with him.”</p><p>“Huh. Alright. So, he just decided to go back to Seoul and take the next flight to Germany?”</p><p>He should try to regulate his voice. Try to sound more like himself. Like a friend who couldn’t care less about Jungkook leaving the fucking continent just to get away from him.</p><p>
  <em>I‘m not going anywhere. </em>
</p><p>“Well, he is not here, so I suppose he did”, she says with a shrug. “Why are you so upset about it?”</p><p>“I‘m not upset. It just… seems like a stupid thing to do. He won‘t even make it before midnight.”</p><p><em>Wrong</em>. He has spent way too much time calculating the time differences between Germany and Korea. If really managed to get on a plane in the morning he should get there around eight p.m. But he doesn’t say that out loud. The time-zone discussion between his mom and Byung-hoon provides him with the perfect chance of removing himself from the conversation after gulping down his tea and reassuring them that he is, in fact, really fine.</p><p>[It‘s spooky how suddenly the whole house seems to be built of washed-out memories. There are flickering flashback-holograms everywhere he looks - ten-year-old Jungkook sulking in the closet and twelve-year-old Jungkook pulling a disgusted grimace after tasting his blueberry pancakes and fourteen-year-old Jungkook crawling into his bed and fifteen-year-old Jungkook blushing as he covers up his sketchbook and sixteen-year-old Jungkook aiming the garden hose at him and laughing at the face he pulls as the first drops hit him. Seventeen-year-old Jungkook writing a letter crouched over the desk on the porch. Twenty-two-year-old Jungkook kissing him senseless. He is all Seokjin sees.]</p><p>It‘s the worst New Years Eve ever.</p><p>After surviving brunch and his friends‘ innocent questions about Jungkook‘s whereabouts, Seokjin takes a walk through the frost-covered sunflower field behind Granny Kim‘s farm. To reflect on being the worst human being ever and on Jungkook wanting to risk two decades of uncomplicated, unconditional friendship for this <em>cursedcursedcursed</em> romance he had fabricated in his head to cope with his existential crisis. He nearly freezes to death and spends the rest of the afternoon huddled up in the guest room.  Staring up at the ceiling, running his fingers over the stupid bruises beneath the cashmere scarf Jimin‘s mom got him for Christmas. Scratching and pressing down on them until his skin feels like it‘s on fire again.</p><p>
  <em>Hyung? It‘s okay. I‘m not going anywhere.</em>
</p><p>Getting away with staying in bed all evening and sleeping through the celebration without sparking suspicion isn’t realistic, so he puts on his best fake smile and drags himself out of the room to help with dinner preparations and listens to everyone talking about the highlights of their year and their resolutions.</p><p>Apart from the fact that Jimin still hasn’t spoken a word to him, it‘s all very wholesome and nice and hopeful - Hobi keeps showing everyone photos of Holly and the <em>Funniest </em>and <em>Nicest </em>and <em>Bestest</em> <em>Teacher</em> certificates his pupils awarded him and lists each and every single one of Yoongi‘s songs that made it into the charts, making him blush and roll his eyes and ask him to <em>please stop making it sound like he is some kind of superstar</em>. They are almost as sickening as Jimin and Taehyung. But their bickering gives him the opportunity to sneak out of the room before it‘s his turn and he is eternally grateful for that.   </p><p>He sits on the Hollywood swing and checks Jungkook‘s Instagram again. Which is just dumb, because his plane couldn’t have landed yet. It‘s still comforting in an odd, stalkerish way. He keeps refreshing the site and scrolling through the old posts until someone drops down next to him without a warning. Making him jump and drop his phone in surprise.</p><p>“You‘re a hopeless case, hyung.”</p><p>Taehyung hands him the phone he must have caught midair. His reflexes will never cease to amaze Seokjin. The screen is still on. Dying their faces with Jungkook‘s lucid colors.</p><p>“Jimin told you.”</p><p>It‘s not a question. Of course he did. Taehyung nods and Seokjin puts the phone back into his pocket and then they don’t say anything for a while. The way they slowly swing back and forth with their eyes fixed on the starry sky clogs his throat up.  </p><p>“Do you hate me too?”</p><p>“No. Who hates you?”</p><p>“Jimin. Jungkook. Me.”</p><p>Taehyung squeezes his hand.</p><p>“Jimin doesn’t hate you, hyung. He just needs some time to get over you endangering the engagement party and breaking Jungkookie‘s heart.”</p><p>“I didn’t break Jungkook‘s heart.”</p><p>He sounds as helpless as he feels but he needs to say <em>something</em> and there‘s not a lot of other things he could say, right?</p><p>Taehyung laughs. That‘s probably a bad sign.</p><p>“Oh, you did. But it‘s okay”, he says before pausing to think it over. “I mean, it‘s obviously not. Not yet anyway. But I‘m sure he‘ll get over it eventually. Just give him some time and space to be emo about it and hate you from afar.”</p><p>Well. That doesn’t sound very encouraging. Maybe he is going to cry.</p><p>“I fucked up.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess you could say that. You really hurt his feelings, you know?”</p><p>Seokjin wishes Taehyung would just get angry and cuss him out like Jimin did, but he doesn’t. Just keeps holding his hand. Chipping away at his heart.</p><p>“I could never… <em>date</em> him, Taehyung-ah.”</p><p>Taehyung hums.</p><p>“I mean - it‘s, like, the most absurd idea ever, right?”</p><p>“What makes it so absurd?”</p><p>He is tempted to tell Taehyung all about the statistics and the short life-span of doomed relationships and to make him understand how losing Jungkook is already killing him. But the words are escaping him. They aren’t in constellation yet. So he opts for the simple explanation.</p><p>“I love him too much.”</p><p>The confession makes Taehyung laugh. Valid reaction. It does sound like a ridiculous reason.</p><p>“Oh. Well. I guess you really can‘t date him then.”</p><p>“<em>Not like that</em>. He‘s my best friend", he pauses for a second. "Or at least he was. And I just- I <em>can‘t</em>.”</p><p>They fall silent again for a few heartbeats.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“I‘m sorry.”</p><p>“I know. And no one hates you.”</p><p><em>Wrong</em>.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Seokjin squeezes his hand back and then they don’t talk any more until Jimin‘s mom calls them back in for the countdown.</p><p>[There‘s fireworks and champagne and midnight kisses and a cheesy New Years text message from Namjoon and <em>even more</em> flashbacks and it feels like <em>nothing </em>is going to be okay. Ever again.]</p><p> </p><p>*<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Seokjin is twenty-seven the night he realizes he is in love with Jungkook for the first time. Which is kind of the worst timing ever since it‘s also the first night he spends back at their apartment in Seoul after Taehyung‘s disastrous birthday weekend. In Jungkook‘s bed. Without Jungkook. Wide awake and cold and miserable. The realization creeps up on him just to hit him like a fucking train the moment he lets his guard down. Listening to the creepy stalker mixtape playlist and swallowing back his tears. Missing him with every fiber of his being. Hating himself more than ever before.</p><p>[Jungkook is still all he sees. Curled up on the couch in his oversized hoodie and brushing his teeth in front of the fogged-up bathroom mirror and painting in the middle of the newspaper covered living room and tearing up over a <em>Ghibli</em> movie and stealing his last dumpling and collapsing on a heap of golden leaves completely out of breath from laughing so hard and throwing snowballs at him in the supermarket‘s parking lot and taking ugly selcas in the elevator. It‘s pathetic really, but all at once, he is in love so bad that it makes him want to cry. Love sucks, apparently. Good to know.]</p><p><br/>
*</p><p> </p><p>He decides to take action against the constant state of agony two days after the big realization.</p><p>The people on the relationship advice forums he has been lurking on all suggested talking to someone he trusts. Or the love interest but that isn’t really an option in his case. Jungkook has blocked him on every single platform he could think of - Seokjin had to call Taehyung to ask him if he knew if he had landed safely and that obnoxious brat had had the audacity to tell Taehyung to tell him that he had disappeared in the Bermuda triangle.</p><p>And it‘s not like he knows what he should tell Jungkook anyway. And he can‘t ask Jimin aka the only person whose judgment he would trust in such a situation since he doesn’t talk to him either.</p><p>So he meets up with Yoongi, Hobi and Holly. At the small café across from the school Hobi teaches at. He lets Holly crawl up into his lap and they order cakes and tea and chat about the party and Yoongi‘s upcoming collaboration with Namjoon and the exam Seokjin hasn’t studied for since Hadong-gun. Holly keeps giving him kisses and his heart is beating too fast to really keep up and he knows he shouldn’t jump straight into the Jungkook issue without subtly steering the conversation in the right direction. But he still does it as soon as Hobi asks him how the revising is going.</p><p>“<em>IthinkImightbeinlovewithJungkook</em>.”</p><p>He says it like the whole sentence is one single word and it is completely incomprehensible but getting it out of his system eases the tension in his body. He feels a tiny bit less like a ball of lovesickness and anxiety and the momentary relief is worth it.</p><p>“Come again?”</p><p>“I think I might be in love. With Jungkook.”</p><p>His voice cracks and he cringes into Holly‘s fluffy fur. Awaiting the incredulous gasps and the shock and outrage. But nothing happens. When he dares to look up again Yoongi and Hoseok blink back at him completely unfazed.</p><p>“I am in love with Jungkook”, he tries again. “<em>Our </em>Jungkook.”</p><p>They both nod in sync. Still unimpressed. </p><p>“Aren‘t you guys- I don’t know, surprised? Shocked?”</p><p>“Nope”, Hobi shrugs. “We know.”</p><p>“What do you mean <em>you know</em>?!”</p><p>“Well, I hate to break it to you, but it isn't really hard to tell. We‘ve known for ages.”</p><p>He takes a sip of Yoongi‘s iced americano and smiles at Seokjin like he didn’t just make him question his whole existence.</p><p>“Yeah. Hobi is right. Everyone knows“, Yoongi adds nonchalantly between two bites of his green tea mochi and it‘s all so surreal and ridiculous. They don’t make any sense.</p><p>“You couldn’t have known! <em>I </em>didn’t know until, like, two days ago!”</p><p>Seokjin sinks under the very unsubtle, very judgmental look they share. Oh, well. At least they are showing some kind of reaction at last.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I-I just figured it out after he- after the engagement party. I mean, I guess it could have been a subconscious thing for a while now-”</p><p>“Oh, God”, Yoongi sighs. “You are seriously the dumbest smart person I know, hyung.”</p><p>“For real! How can anyone be so out of touch with their feelings?”</p><p>“Yah! I‘m trying to open up to you guys for once in my life and get disrespected for it immediately!”</p><p>“You deserve it.”</p><p>“Don’t listen to him, hyung. Being an emotionally constipated dumbass isn’t a sin.”</p><p>This isn’t going the way he hoped it would. Maybe he should have chosen his confidants more wisely. Too late for that. He takes a deep breath.</p><p>“So… how long have you known?”</p><p>“I‘ve had my suspicions when you started texting and video calling all the time, but I haven’t really had any doubts ever since he moved into my old room.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p><p>“But- but you never told me!”</p><p>“That we knew about you being whipped?”</p><p>“No! You never told me that I was in love with him!”</p><p>Hobi‘s mouth falls open.</p><p>“No offense, but <em>what the actual fuck</em>, hyung?”</p><p>“People usually manage to… figure these things out by themselves.”</p><p>“Well, <em>I</em> didn’t!”</p><p>Some of the other customers are looking in their direction now and the whole scene is so embarrassing that he feels the urge to drown himself in the aquarium next to the counter. He settles for burying his face in Holly‘s fur again.</p><p>“So. What are you going to do about it?”, Hobi finally asks and it feels unfair because the point of this whole meeting should have been him and Yoongi telling Seokjin what to do about it. More precisely, how to get over it. Not asking him to figure it out himself.    </p><p>“Nothing. I mean, I guess I‘ll need to get over it, but-”</p><p>“<em>Nothing</em>? What do you mean by <em>nothing</em>? You have to tell him! Yoongi, tell him that he needs to tell Jungkook!”</p><p>It‘s the worst suggestion ever.</p><p>Hobi‘s outraged grimace makes Yoongi smile and his face goes all soft and fond. The idea of <em>looking like that</em> when he is around Jungkook is <em>awful</em> but it also explains why everyone seems to know about his feelings. This day is all about reaching new lows.  </p><p>“Yeah, definitely. You should tell him.”</p><p>“No. He- he kind of hates me at the moment.”</p><p>Major understatement.</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me? Jungkook has been in love with you since- since <em>forever</em>!”</p><p>
  <em>Hah. Sure. Good one.</em>
</p><p>“No.”</p><p>The dumbfounded look they both give him is hilarious. It also makes him want to get into his whole theory of Jungkook projecting his romantic desires on him because of his need for consistency in these challenging times and maybe he should. Just to put those thoughts out there too. But Yoongi doesn’t let him.</p><p>“Hyung? I didn’t think this was even possible but you are literally even dumber than I thought. This is <em>ridiculous</em>.”</p><p>He stands up to walk over to his side of the table and the next thing Seokjin knows is that Yoongi is showing his phone into his face so violently that he has to squint to make out the blurry picture.</p><p>It‘s one of Jungkook‘s paintings. <em>About Love Part I</em>. Seokjin remembers him sending it to him and asking if he thought it was good enough to be posted to his art account. Back when he had just reached his first thousand followers.</p><p>“Who the fuck do you think this is about?”</p><p>Obviously about love. Very pretty. And very abstract. It isn’t about anyone in particular. But he has a feeling that that‘s not what Yoongi wants to hear.</p><p>“No idea.”</p><p>“Look closer! God, I can‘t believe this. This literally screams your name.”</p><p>
  <em>No way.</em>
</p><p>It‘s a weirdly angled tower of pink and purple clouds melting into a glittery whirlpool. The clouds are vaguely flamingo-shaped. Seokjin had pointed it out back then and it made Jungkook‘s face light up and-</p><p>Oh.</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>He pries the phone from Yoongi‘s hand and scrolls up to find the rest of the series. The paintings <em>do</em> scream his name. Every one of them. The indistinct figure with the crescent moon head and the tiny hearts swaying around it and the fluid pastel galaxy and the washed-out golden blur with the Christmas lights. They are all about Seokjin. All about <em>them</em>.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, God.</em>
</p><p>“Jungkook has been in love with you <em>for ages</em>”, Hobi says. “I‘ve known since the first time you invited him to Seoul. When we first met him. He looked at you like you were the greatest thing ever, hyung. He was so cute with those big heart eyes and-”</p><p>It‘s true. Jungkook <em>did </em>look at him with heart eyes. But didn’t he do that with everyone else too? Weren‘t heart eyes Jungkook‘s <em>thing</em>?</p><p>“-he kept hugging you and holding your hand and following you around like a puppy. It was endearing. And then you started that weird long distance thingy and I thought you knew.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuckfuckfuck. </em>
</p><p>Okay, so maybe he was wrong about hitting rock bottom in Hadong-gun. <em>This </em>is the real rock bottom. He is going to hyperventilate.</p><p>“Hyung, are you okay?”</p><p>Yoongi sounds concerned. He puts his hand on his shoulder. The weight feels nice. Grounding. Makes him feel less like passing out.</p><p>“No. Jungkook- Jungkook <em>hates </em>me! I fucked up. I ruined <em>everything</em>.”</p><p>“It can‘t be that bad.”</p><p>“Oh, trust me, it is.”</p><p>He proceeds to tell them all about the weekend. About the whole <em>cursedcursedcursed </em>affair. The kisses and the sex and the morning after and the fight and Jungkook leaving and the creepy stalker mixtape and Taehyung and Jimin and it‘s all so awful that he feels like being ripped open once again. He squeezes Holly so tight he yelps at him.</p><p>“Oh. Wow.”</p><p>Hobi takes Holly from his lap and scratches him behind his fluffy ears. His eyes don‘t meet Seokjin‘s.</p><p>“Alright. You <em>did</em> fuck up”, Yoongi states. “But I don’t think everything is ruined. You just- you just need to find a way to fix it.”</p><p>Easier said than done. He still appreciates Yoongi‘s optimism.</p><p>“But how?”</p><p>“I don’t know. As a first step, you could try to talk to him. Apologize and tell him that you‘re a fucking idiot and that you love him?”</p><p>“I think Jungkookie already knows that hyung is an idiot. You could leave that part out.”</p><p>Their nerve is astonishing. But they are right, so Seokjin doesn’t point it out.</p><p>“He blocked me. Everywhere. I can‘t call him.”</p><p>“You can use my phone.”</p><p><em>True. </em>Jungkook would hang up immediately, but it‘s worth a try.</p><p>“Okay”, he says. “But not right now. I need to figure out what I want to say first.”</p><p>“That… actually sounds like a rational plan. You keep surprising me today.”</p><p>Yoongi smiles and he manages to smile back. Maybe things are going to be okay after all.</p><p>“And if that doesn’t work out you can still fly to Berlin and confess your love with a boombox.”</p><p>Hobi chuckles over his plan B suggestion and Yoongi rolls his eyes and asks him not to give him stupid ideas and Seokjin laughs because it <em>is </em>stupid.</p><p>Turning up in front of Noah‘s door without a warning just to apologize and tell Jungkook that he loves him would be insane. Jungkook would enjoy his semi-public humiliation, of course, and he would probably appreciate the dramatic arrival, and he couldn’t end the conversation by simply hanging up, but still. Seokjin couldn’t possibly leave the country less than a week before his constitutional law exam just to see Jungkook and work things out and kiss him if he allows him to. He wouldn’t.</p><p>Unless…?</p><p>[He thanks Yoongi and Hobi for their help and asks them to wait for him as he jumps up and rushes outside without his coat on. It‘s freezing cold. But he needs to clean his head out before he can muster up the courage to call Jimin. Unbreaking Jungkook‘s heart can‘t be that hard, right?]</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1) You might have noticed that I changed the number of chapters from 7 to 8 - that's because I decided to add an epilogue to cover a very important event that doesn't fit into the final chapter 👀</p><p>2) So, possibly TMI, but while writing this chapter I actually asked myself if anyone being this unreflected and so out of touch with their feelings was even realistic - and the answer is yes. I‘m not proud of it, but I‘ve been there and done that. The whole turning down the love of my life because I thought we were just friends bit happened and I was just as oblivious and dumb as Seokjin in this story, so if you ever ask yourself if this kind of stupidity is a real thing I can confirm that it is hahaha But don‘t worry, he is enlightened and ready to win JK over now! </p><p>I hope that you liked this chapter and I‘ll try my best to update asap! Feel free to leave a kudo and/or comment if you feel like making my day - I love to read your thoughts on this story so much :) Thank you so much for reading and have a lovely day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungkook is twenty-two when he first realizes that love can actually hurt bad enough to paralyze people. To make it impossible to eat or sleep or to get up at all. It‘s an inconvenient realization and he could definitely do without it but, to be fair, he kind of had it coming.</p><p>(get ready for: heartbroken Jungkook; la doleur exquise; Alex‘s A+ friendship plusing; the Kill Love stream; Seokjin‘s dramatic speech and the happy end)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! I‘ve finally finished the last chapter!!! It took me longer than anticipated because I really wanted to get it right (the final scene is the main reason I decided to write this story so I was super excited about writing it) and I‘m actually quite happy with the way it turned out - I hope you‘ll like it too! Thank you all so much for the encouraging feedback - your kudos and comments always make my day &lt;3<br/>Spotify playlists I created for this fic:</p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4l4sqTZ3FxEWEIjrbnF2t1?si=q-JL-_6vQYS9HO6Ehqzp-A"> Kill Love playlist</a><br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>VII.</p><p> </p><p>Jungkook is twenty-two when he first realizes that love can actually hurt bad enough to paralyze people. To make it impossible to eat or sleep or to get up at all. It‘s an inconvenient realization and he could definitely do without it but, to be fair, he kind of had it coming.</p><p>Lulling himself into those stupid, glittery, pastel pink illusions was a dumb idea. The chances of Seokjin waking up to the epiphany of love-love-loving Jungkook back and wanting to go stargazing in the flower fields in Hadong-gun were slim to none to begin with, so he really shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up after sleeping with him. He should have foreseen the freak-out episode and the attempts of pretending it had never happened. The whole humiliating <em>I don‘t want this to ruin our friendship</em>-bit. But he didn’t. Too starstruck and too naïve and too high on Seokjin to produce rational thoughts. Too dumb and too delirious.</p><p>He kind of hates himself.</p><p>And he kind of hates Seokjin too.</p><p>For the first time in his life.</p><p>It feels wrong.</p><p>Like he is losing grip of everything he has ever known.</p><p>His body feels like it doesn’t belong to Jungkook anymore - he can‘t scrub Seokjin off his skin.</p><p>And this whole ridiculously intense <em>doleur exquise </em>shit makes him bad company. He knows for sure, despite Noah assuring him that he is okay with Jungkook spending his visit doubled over on his couch. Alternating between trashy reality shows and virtual killing sprees and listening to his heart cracking in his chest. And crying. A lot. Which is quite uncool of him, but it‘s not like he has any control over it. His eyes are constantly burning, and the tears just keep spilling out whenever he remembers the awful confrontation scene in the kitchen or the drunk text messages on his way back to Seoul.</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>03:07</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Are u ok?</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>03:19</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Are you at home? In Seoul?</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I‘m sorry.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em> 03:40</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I know I fuxked up but can you please tell me if you are okay please? Jungkook? I am relly really sorry</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He should delete the screenshots. And his collection of unflattering Seokjin-pictures and their daily elevator-selcas. Especially the ones with the heart-filter over them. And he should get rid of <em>About Love Part IV </em>too. Shouldn’t have brought it with him in the first place. Honestly, who the fuck carries a full-on oil painting over the ocean as hand luggage?  Even Noah thought it was an uncomfortably overdramatic decision and that really says a lot about Jungkook as a person.</p><p>“Maybe we should go out. You could hang out with me and sexy Canadian <em>Tinder</em> soulmate”, Noah offers on day three. “I mean, you were kind of heartbroken over the very same guy when you first came here and Berlin <em>did</em> help you to almost get over him, so why not try again?“</p><p>Jungkook just shakes his head. The idea of comparing being heartbroken over Seokjin <em>back then</em> to being heartbroken over Seokjin <em>now</em> is pathetic. His indirect rejection after the <em>night of the drunk almost kiss </em>sucked, of course, but losing him after almost getting him to love him back is literal hell. Coping with <em>missing </em>Seokjin and <em>pining</em> after Seokjin is something he has become fucking good at through the years. But he has not figured out the hang of dealing with <em>regretting </em>Seokjin just yet.</p><p>“No, I‘m fine. Really. Just need some more time.”</p><p>Preferably a century.</p><p>“You sure you‘ll be alright?”</p><p>“Of course. Go, meet the love of your life!”</p><p>Faking a smile for Noah isn’t that difficult. He is happy for him. And thankful. It‘s nice to have friends who actually care.</p><p>“Okay. Call me if you need anything. Or if you make up your mind and decide to join us after all. Seriously. Just give me a ring.”</p><p>Noah ruffles his hair and beams at him before rushing out of the door to take his new one-true-love-candidate out. Jungkook watches the lock fall into place. Then he curls up around a pillow and tries his best to make the memories go away.</p><p>He is in so much pain he can hardly breathe.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t feel like talking to anyone.</p><p>True to his tactful, boundary-respecting self, Taehyung creates a new group chat for Jungkook, Jimin and Yugyeom and names it <em>Jungkook‘s daily proof of being alive</em>. It‘s a cursed concept, but it gives him the opportunity to let everyone he still cares about know that he is, in fact, still alive by sending them one selca a day. He appreciates the gesture. Even if it can‘t stop Jimin from checking in on him every few hours.</p><p>
  <em>“I know that you‘re hurt and miserable and I‘m so, so sorry, but- but maybe you should try to talk to him again.”</em>
</p><p>Listening to his pep talks and all of the bad things he had to say about Seokjin throughout the first few calls had actually been quite comforting. That‘s the only reason Jungkook bothers to take them at all, but this sudden shift in mood is anything but helpful.</p><p>“No.”</p><p><em>“You know him. He is dumb and oblivious and just overall the worst and it was an asshole move, but he is hurt and miserable too, Kookie.</em>”</p><p>Hard to believe. He still hopes it‘s true. Imagining Seokjin in a tiny fraction of the pain Jungkook is in already makes it a bit easier to breathe.</p><p>“I thought you were on my side and hated him too.”</p><p>He doesn’t really want anyone to take sides or to start hating on Seokjin for being an idiot and for not loving him back. It just slips out. He should probably stop binging <em>The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills </em>and <em>Drag Race</em>.  All the unnecessary drama is rubbing off on him.</p><p>
  <em>“I know. But I can‘t hate him forever. He apologized. Like, a thousand times.”</em>
</p><p>“Not to me.”</p><p>Not true. Seokjin did apologize to him. And he would do it again and again if Jungkook gave him the chance to. He is sure of that. It makes everything so much worse. </p><p>
  <em>“Because you blocked his number.”</em>
</p><p>Jungkook doesn’t answer.</p><p>
  <em>“He is sorry.”</em>
</p><p>“Yeah, well, I am sorry too.”</p><p>He uses the strained pause to swipe through his new Netflix recommendations. He could risk starting a new sports anime. Should be okay<em>.</em> It‘s not like anyone is going to stop him.</p><p>
  <em>“You won‘t talk to him, right?”</em>
</p><p>“No.”</p><p>
  <em>“But you should. Just give him a chance to explain.”</em>
</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Jimin sighs and then it‘s silent again for some time and then fucking <em>Haikyuu</em> pops up among the anime shows and Jungkook needs to blink back his tears again.</p><p>
  <em>“Just- just think about it, okay? For me? Please?”</em>
</p><p>He is suffocating again. Throat too sore to speak.</p><p>
  <em>“Jungkook-ah?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuck Seokjin.</em>
</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>
  <em>“Okay. Thank you.”</em>
</p><p>It‘s a little white lie and Jimin probably doesn’t buy it, but he hangs up nevertheless and Jungkook can go back to suffering in peace. Thinking about talking to him is not something he is capable of doing at the moment. Not even for Jimin.</p><p>He needs to forget Seokjin.</p><p>Everything about him.</p><p>His scent and the way his eyes open and close and the lines around his mouth when he smiles and his stupid laugh and his hands and the way his hair falls into his face and his nose against Jungkook‘s neck and his arms around his waist and the pastel filter he put over his world.</p><p>Needs him to fade to black.</p><p>Literally.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Getting dressed and leaving the apartment for the first time in days feels strange. So does seeing Berlin and its grey river and graffiti-covered buildings by daylight and taking the subway to Alex‘s place. The streets are filled with grey snow piles and it‘s freezing cold and the whole mission is so, so unbelievably dumb and overdramatic that Jungkook contemplates turning back right after ringing the familiar doorbell.</p><p>Alex sabotages his flight by opening the door too fast. When he sees Jungkook his whole face lights up and running away isn’t that tempting anymore.</p><p>“JK! Wow! I- I wasn’t expecting you.”</p><p>“Yeah. Hi.”</p><p>They sway around each other for a few moments and it should be awkward because the last time Jungkook turned up at his place to say goodbye and gift him <em>About Love Part III </em>they wound up having sex and haven’t really talked a lot since then and Jungkook isn’t sure if they are still friends - it isn’t though. Alex smiles at him and his smile is so contagious that Jungkook can‘t help but smile back and then Alex hugs him and burying his nose in his pine-scented curls is so comforting that he forgets why he came here for a moment.</p><p>“What are you doing back in Berlin?”</p><p>“I- uhm, I‘m visiting a friend.”</p><p>“Well, I‘m glad to see you”, he says and motions for Jungkook to follow him into the living room.</p><p>“Not gonna lie, it would have been cool if you could’ve given me a heads up because this place is super messy and I‘ve been putting off grocery shopping for days now so I can only offer you coffee and tap water but we could order something if you‘re up for it?”</p><p>“No, it‘s fine! Coffee is fine.”</p><p>Alex nods and disappears into the kitchen, leaving Jungkook alone with his plants and enormous comic collection and Pumba who waddles over to him and drools all over his lap as he scratches behind his ears. He had actually planned on getting down to business as soon as possible but being back here is kind of nice in a weird bittersweet way, so he decides to give himself some more time - sips his cinnamony coffee and listens to Alex‘s updates about life at the tattoo parlor and the enthusiastic but incompetent new barista at the <em>New Ark Cafeteria</em> and the struggles of caring for a new sourdough starter and then it feels like they are still friends after all. Hence, Jungkook ends up telling him all about Seoul and his humiliating work experience and about his best friends getting engaged. And about Seokjin.</p><p>“Well. He does sound like an idiot. But maybe he just freaked out.”</p><p>“I‘m not that scary.”</p><p>Jungkook catches himself pouting and they both erupt in giggles. He missed this.</p><p>“No, you‘re not. But maybe you guys should, you know, talk it over? Properly?”</p><p>“I want to get over him. For real”, Jungkook says and it feels like a hollow sentence that lost all meaning ages ago but he is <em>so tired</em> of trying. “I- I can‘t do this anymore.”</p><p>Alex nods like he gets it. He probably does.</p><p>“I‘m sorry it didn’t work out.”</p><p>“Yeah. Me too.”</p><p>“I was rooting for you guys. Especially after <em>About Love Part IV</em>.”</p><p>Oh, well. There‘s his clue.</p><p>“Thanks. It‘s okay. I actually came here to ask you if- if you would mind giving me back the painting. <em>About Love Part III</em>.”</p><p>Alex frowns at that.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Look, I know that it‘s really rude to ask you this and I feel really bad about it and I‘m sorry, but I need <em>About Love Part III. </em>For my next stream.”</p><p>“What kind of stream?”</p><p>“The- uhm, the <em>Kill Love </em>stream.”</p><p>Alex gasps.</p><p>“<em>Kill Love</em>? Seriously? You want to- to <em>destroy </em>my baby?“</p><p>He doesn’t say it out loud, but it is kind of obvious that he thinks it‘s a stupid idea. Well. Jungkook can‘t blame him. It is definitely not the healthiest approach of getting over the love of his life. Some might even argue that it is a bad one. But he needs to do it.</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>“Do I get another one?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Another <em>goldenclosetgallery </em>painting? As compensation for robbing me of my most prized possession?”</p><p>
  <em>Oh, thank God.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah. Sure. I‘ll paint you something.”</p><p>“You take requests?”</p><p>“I‘ll see what I can do.”</p><p>And then Alex brings the glittery pink and purple and blue painting out of his bedroom and offers to order food again. And Jungkook doesn’t decline this time.</p><p>They brainstorm compensation-painting ideas over pizza and watch the first few episodes of a boring superhero show with Pumba sprawled out over both of them and Alex gives him another rib-cracking hug before he leaves.</p><p>“Take care.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“And call me if you need anything.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“And paint the fancy sourdough monster. I‘ll be waiting.”</p><p>[They laugh and the way back to Noah‘s apartment doesn’t feel all that strange anymore. Despite the fact that people keep staring at him and the huge painting under his arm. Seokjin was right. Jungkook doesn’t see them doing the friendship plus thing either.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Noah has a brunch date with Canadian <em>Tinder </em>soulmate the next morning, but he helps him cover the whole living room in old newspapers and set up the camera before he leaves. It‘s a good thing he is so supportive of the <em>Kill Love </em>project. Jungkook is positive that none of his other friends would be this cool with him endangering their wooden floors like this.</p><p>[Choosing the <em>Kill Love</em> soundtrack is tricky. Jungkook considers going for something more fitting, like one of Yugyeom‘s questionable recommendations or some German rap for old time‘s sake, but in the end, he decides to stay true to his pathetic clown self and settles for a sad version of the creepy stalker mixtape playlist. His viewers will hopefully think of it as an edgy, ironic twist.]</p><p>Flinging a bucket of black paint over the two paintings would probably feel a lot more cathartic than painting over them with light strokes, covering up the pastel colors beneath them softly and slowly - however, killing a decade of love so quickly and unceremoniously wouldn’t sit right with him and his followers would hate it too. He has to save the bucket-part for the end. As the perfect, dramatic finishing touch.</p><p>He starts the stream shortly after Noah leaves although the project itself does call for nighttime. Jungkook figures that a matinée can‘t hurt and the natural lighting is better than what the cheap antique chandelier and Noah‘s lava lamps could provide anyway. And the neighbors aren’t very friendly so blasting sad love songs at full volume is safer by daylight.</p><p>The first stroke hurts.</p><p>Sullying <em>Love</em> is harder than expected. The colors are still bleeding through the blackness and Seokjin‘s smile and voice and touch come back in painful pink flashbacks and echoes and for a second it feels like love is killing him and not the other way around. But Jungkook is determined to do this.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, he strikes again. And again and again. Erasing the memories as he destroys the paintings. Kills the butterflies and birds. Sobs along to Mariah Carey‘s impressing high notes as the pastel stars explode, engulfing the spaceships in their black supernovas.</p><p>And it gets easier.</p><p>His vision is blurry from the tears and he still hurts all over, of course. He did open up his chest for Seokjin after all. Dropped his heart into his hands and watched him crush it. But coating the canvases in black paint is kind of liberating. Feels like he is getting closer to letting go. Like killing love for real. He should have thought of this idea earlier.</p><p>Jungkook is having a blast.</p><p>That is, until the doorbell rings.</p><p>It ruins the moment and he doesn’t really feel like stopping and facing the postman with swollen eyes and tear-smeared cheeks <em>again</em> but he does it anyway because Noah hates missing packages. He manages to knock the half-empty bucket over on his way out and is still cursing under his breath when he opens up.</p><p>Just to find himself face to face with Seokjin.</p><p>He is just standing there looking all dreamy and terrified and painfully out of place in the dirty stairwell. Staring at him with wide, bloodshot eyes and rosy cheeks and melting snowflakes on his lashes. His outstretched right hand frozen in the narrow space between them.</p><p>
  <em>This can‘t be happening.</em>
</p><p>Jungkook slams the door in his face instinctively.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p><p>It‘s scary and unreal and Jungkook hopes he is just losing his mind and hallucinating in HD, but spying through the peephole he catches a glance of his messy hair and grey coat and he seems really fucking real. <em>Shit. </em>His heart beats fast enough to jump out of his chest. It‘s a miracle his knees don‘t give out under him.</p><p>“Jungkook-ah? Can you- can you open up? Please?”</p><p>He doesn’t want to.</p><p>Seokjin‘s muffled voice brings back the pain. It washes over him in hot waves and the whole cathartic liberation disappears in thin air. He is crying again. Or still. It‘s getting hard to keep track of it because Jungkook is turning into an actual human fountain and it‘s awful but his hand moves without his permission and the door flies open again.</p><p>“Thank you”, Seokjin says, and taking him in in real life is <em>a lot</em> so Jungkook keeps clinging to the doorknob. He should probably just look somewhere else and try to stabilize his breathing. Too bad he can‘t take his eyes off Seokjin. There are snowflakes on his coat and his hair is damp and he looks like he is holding his breath too. Running his gaze over Jungkook as he stuffs his shaky hands into his pockets.</p><p>“You are here”, Jungkook finally croaks out.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“In Berlin.”</p><p>Seokjin nods.</p><p>“In Berlin.”  </p><p>It‘s still unbelievable.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“You are destroying the paintings and-”, his voice cracks and he needs to clear his throat before continuing. “And I get it, but could you- is there any chance that you could stop?”</p><p>He should have blocked him on twitch too. Too late. He is here. In Berlin. Because of Jungkook. Wow.</p><p>“You came here to ask me to stop my new art project?”</p><p>“No! I just- I needed to see you and- I had this whole speech prepared and I wanted to call you on Noah‘s phone and ask if I could come over to deliver it when I was mentally stable enough to do it the right way because this is, like, super creepy and borderline stalkerish and I know you hate me right now but- but then I saw the stream and-“</p><p>Seokjin‘s voice gives out again and his lips are trembling as he struggles to find his words. But it‘s okay. Jungkook is still too hung up on the Berlin part to process anything else he is saying anyway.</p><p>“What about your exam?”</p><p>He shrugs helplessly and Jungkook should probably do something about the crying and his stuffed nose instead of letting himself say cringey things he is going to regret but being the bigger person won‘t do any harm, right?</p><p>“I don‘t <em>hate</em> you.”</p><p>Seokjin‘s eyes widen to a comical size and then all at once they are swimming in a pool of tears. Which is not the reaction Jungkook anticipated. It makes it really hard not to touch him.</p><p>“It‘s okay if you do though. I get it. Seriously.”</p><p>“Well. I don‘t.”</p><p>It‘s true. He could never actually hate him for real.</p><p>“But you can. If you want to.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>They stay silent for a few moments. Blinking away tears and sniffling quietly. It‘s so surreal and ridiculous but for the first time in days Jungkook doesn’t feel like he is about to combust and that‘s good.</p><p>“Do you want to hear the speech?”, Seokjin finally asks, and Jungkook nods.</p><p>“Can I- can I come in?”</p><p>Letting him stay outside is very tempting but Jungkook isn’t keen on making any of Noah‘s neighbors uncomfortable by forcing them to listen to some random Korean guys crying in the stairwell, so he nods again and leads the way into the newspaper covered living room. After turning down the volume of the <em>Kill Love </em>playlist, he leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.</p><p>Seokjin flinches at the sight of the black-smeared paintings and rubs his eyes before he takes his hands out of his pockets and unfolds a sheet of paper. Classic.</p><p>“Did you- did you seriously write it down?”</p><p>“Just the most important bullet points”, he says defensively and Jungkook goes even softer.</p><p>“That‘s so lame.”</p><p>“Yeah. Well. I guess you‘ll have to live with it.”</p><p>Jungkook nearly makes a joke about old age senility. But that would ease the tension and make him think that everything is alright, and he has not earned that kind of salvation yet. He settles for a derogatory huff.</p><p>“So. First of all, I want to apologize for everything I said at the engagement party”, Seokjin glances at his notes before boring his eyes back into Jungkooks‘. “You tried to have a real conversation and nailed adulting-adulting and did everything right and I acted like a jerk and I <em>hate </em>myself for that. Seriously. I was- I was so awful to you and I know that I fucked up big time and I can understand if you hate me-“</p><p>“I don‘t-“</p><p>“I know you said that you didn’t but I would get it because I hurt you and I just-“, he sniffles again before going on, looking down at the paper again. “I was an oblivious moron, and I should have picked up on the signs. But I didn’t because I was trying really hard to ignore my feelings and I never considered the possibility of you having any for me. Feelings, I mean. Romantic ones. Because I was an idiot. And I am so, so, so sorry.”</p><p>Seokjin talks too fast and his voice is unstable and watery and Jungkook‘s brain is too hazy to digest every word. There are bits and pieces that do stick though. And in combination with the tears that keep leaking out of Seokjin‘s eyes despite his best efforts of fighting them back and his shaky grip on the notes, they make Jungkook very tender for him. He came to Berlin just to tell him that after all.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“And I understand if you don‘t feel like forgiving me. I just need you to know that I regret everything I did and everything I didn’t do and all the things I said and that I am sorry.”</p><p>“Okay”, he repeats, louder this time.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>He gives Jungkook a dumbfounded look.</p><p>“Apology accepted.”</p><p>“But-“</p><p>“Just go on.”</p><p>“Okay. So. Second point”, he pauses for a moment. “I am in love with you”.</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>His heart drops as soon as the confession leaves Seokjin‘s mouth.</p><p>[It‘s like the earth stops turning and time stands still for a moment. And Jungkook is <em>melting</em>. Bones and muscles and organs turning into a single gooey mass of glitter and pastels and stardust.]</p><p>
  <em>I am in love with you. </em>
</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah. Have been for a while now, actually. I was just”, he sneaks a glance at his notes again, “too stupid to realize it and needed to lose you and to talk this over with Yoongi and Hobi and Jimin and Tae to really grasp it and-”, Seokjin‘s phone starts ringing and he reaches into his pocket to decline it blindly.</p><p>”Fuck. Sorry. Where was I?”</p><p>
  <em>I am in love with you.</em>
</p><p>Seokjin is in love with him.</p><p>In love.</p><p>With Jungkook.</p><p>“Too stupid to see it.”</p><p>“Right. So. I was too stupid to see it, because- because I‘ve known you since <em>forever</em>. Practically since you were a baby. And I <em>obviously </em>never considered you <em>that</em> way when we were younger because that would have been creepy as fuck but then suddenly you were all grown up and you became my best friend and I- I guess I just didn’t really acknowledge the way you made me feel because I didn’t want things to change. Because romantic relationships are complicated and messy and <em>temporary</em> and I couldn’t take a risk like that. Not- not with you.”</p><p>The phone rings once more and he declines the call again and Jungkook doesn’t even try to hold back anymore - he is full-on crying now. Dissolving in tears. Seokjin is in love with him.</p><p>“And I think that I was just really scared of not being good enough for you. I‘m still scared to be honest. Because you‘re, like, the most amazing and beautiful and funny and cute and talented and loveable person <em>ever</em> when you aren’t a bratty monster and you could have <em>anyone</em> so the idea of you choosing to love me simply never crossed my mind. I guess this whole denial shit was also a bit like a defense mechanism, you know?”</p><p>Jungkook doesn’t know what he means. He had never tried to shield himself from the excruciating pain loving him came with. But Seokjin doesn’t wait for an answer anyway.</p><p>“And after- after that night I panicked and screwed everything up and I only realized that I loved you <em>like that </em>after you were <em>gone</em>, and I wanted to tell you all that but- but you were gone and I needed to see you because I missed you <em>so much. </em>You have no idea. It was awful. I- I felt like <em>dying. </em>I‘m not even exaggerating.”</p><p>“I mean, you kind of deserved it”, he mumbles just to say <em>something</em> since Seokjin is too busy wiping his eyes. His stomach is full of spaceships. Wow.</p><p>“Yes. Definitely. I know that I did. But it still sucked. And I know that it‘s probably too late for this whole confession and that you need time to get over the shitshow I pulled and- and I understand if you don‘t feel like giving me another chance. Now. Or <em>ever</em>. But if you‘re up for it I would <em>love </em>to try to make it up to you and to take you out and-“</p><p>“With a gun?”</p><p><em>Shit. </em>It just slips out. He cringes at his own words. But it makes Seokjin laugh. Very softly. His chuckles quavering and making his heart race. Jungkook is <em>so gone</em> once again.</p><p>“No. On that cheesy stargazing flower field date, we made up. Or whatever kind of date you want. I don‘t care. I just- I just want you to come home and to figure it all out as we go. And do the fake couple stuff. But for real. And- oh God, Jungkook-ah, could you stop crying for a second?”</p><p>Not an option. Everything is too overwhelming and dreamlike, and his face is melting too.</p><p>“<em>You </em>stop crying!”</p><p>“Yah! I can‘t even remember the last time I cried! Let me have this moment!”</p><p>They both fall silent for a second before erupting into laughter. There are pastel pink sparks and tiny spaceships between them and Jungkook really shouldn’t give in this easily but he is practically floating as he crosses the distance between them. Standing close enough to breathe him in now.</p><p>“And what?”</p><p>Seokjin blinks back at him in confusion.</p><p>“And what?”</p><p>“You said you wanted to do real couple stuff <em>and </em>before you ruined the mood.”</p><p>“Oh. Right. <em>And</em> I want to kiss you”, he whispers and gulps before adding, “But, like, obviously only if you want me to.”</p><p>Jungkook is too weak to do this.</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“Yes. Can I?”</p><p>Seokjin is still holding on to the notes and trembles under his touch when Jungkook puts a hand on his arm. His eyes are full of stars. And Jungkook is about to explode. But it feels nice. So he grins at him.</p><p>“I don‘t know. <em>Can</em> you?”</p><p>Seokjin‘s incredulous face makes him laugh and the next thing he knows is that he is kissing him. Pressing his salty lips against Jungkooks‘ oh-so-gently. Pulling him closer and running his fingers through his hair. <em>Lovelovelove. </em>Setting him aflame with every careful touch and then he deepens the kiss and Jungkook‘s legs give out under him.</p><p>They end up tumbling to the ground. Landing in the middle of the black paint puddle. Ruining Jungkook‘s t-shirt and Seokjin‘s pants and the dramatic Hollywood scene. But it‘s okay. Jungkook‘s heart is about to burst.</p><p>“I don‘t know what it is with you and the floor, Kookie, but we‘ll have to work on this”, Seokjin whispers.</p><p>He rolls off Jungkook to lie down on his side next to him. Faces mere inches from each other.</p><p>“Sorry. Sometimes I forget how fragile old people are.”</p><p>“Oh, God. You‘re a demon.”</p><p>He takes Jungkook‘s hand into his own paint-smeared one and laces their fingers together and it‘s funny how all of the sudden black feels like love too.</p><p>“I missed you.”</p><p>
  <em>Lovelovelove.</em>
</p><p>“I missed you too.”</p><p>“So- we‘re really doing this.”</p><p>It‘s not even a question. They are really doing this. Wow.</p><p>“I guess we are.”</p><p>“Do we have to do gross coupley stuff now?”</p><p>“Chinese Hallstatt?”</p><p>Seokjin chuckles.</p><p>“And fancy-dinner-role-play-date-night?”</p><p>“We should label us kissing fake boyfriends.”</p><p>And then they are kissing again. And it‘s kind of weird because he can feel Seokjin smiling against his mouth and he is sinking and flying floating - until Seokjin‘s phone starts ringing again. He pulls away with an annoyed groan and fishes it out of his pocket.</p><p>The display lights up with Taehyung‘s photo.</p><p>“You should take it. He‘s called at least three times. Could be important.”</p><p>And so Seokjin does, putting him on speaker.</p><p>“Taehyung-ah, I swear to God, if this isn’t a real emergency-“</p><p>“<em>We hate to interrupt, but if you guys are about to fuck you should probably turn the camera off”</em>, Taehyung says with a completely neutral voice.</p><p>Jungkook can hear Jimin‘s hysteric laughter in the background and Seokjin‘s face goes white.</p><p>
  <em>Oh no. </em>
</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“<em>It was a great show though. Very touching. Eight out of ten. Especially the part where you took out the notes. Everyone lost their shit in the comments.”</em></p><p><em>“Yes! We were so proud of you, hyung. Amazing job”</em>, Jimin sing-songs as Jungkook scrambles to his feet and rushes over to his laptop to stop the stream without checking the chat that is overflowing with heart emojis - this has to be the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to anyone. Jimin and Taehyung will <em>never </em>let them live it down.</p><p>“<em>Extra kudos for the tears! We never knew you were such a crybaby, hyung. So cute.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, it was like a real drama. Impressing. Not to mention-“</em>
</p><p>Seokjin ends the call without another word and turns to Jungkook with a gloomy expression.</p><p>“I really hate to say this, Kookie. But I think we might actually be worse than <em>Taemin</em>”, he whispers and they both shudder at the thought.</p><p>It‘s true.</p><p>They really might be.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>[While cleaning the living room, they agree on repressing the whole streaming incident and leave <em>that </em>part out when they tell the story of their reunion to Noah and sexy Canadian Tinder soulmate who both muster them with incredulous gazes. <em>So much about killing love. Good for you, JK.</em> They spend the rest of the day visiting Jungkook‘s favorite places in Berlin. The East Side Gallery and the Wall Memorial and the frozen Spree river and the <em>New Ark Cafeteria</em>. Talking things over. Sharing currywurst hot dogs and döner and fried potatoes and bubble waffles. Taking ugly selcas. And holding hands. And kissing. A lot. And later that night  Jungkook posts a picture of the drying black paint on the newspaper covered ground with the imprint of his torso and Seokjin‘s hands and captions it <em>About Love Part V.</em> He waits up for the first few likes before putting his phone away and crawling back under the blankets and curling up against Seokjin‘s body. Melting into his soft, lavender embrace, he drifts off to sleep thinking about the pastel galaxies and love and the creepy stalker mixtape and the starry night sky above Seokjin‘s bed in the vacation house. And it kind of feels like arriving in the rest of his life and like coming home at the same time.]</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for giving this story a chance and sticking around´till the end - I hope you had fun reading it! </p><p>I know, the grand finale was a bit shorter than the other chapters. That‘s because I really craved the dramatic Hollywood ending scene with the dramatic make-up kiss and all the tears and the Kill Love playlist, but I‘m already working on the epilogue and it‘s going to be soft and domestic and we will catch up with the rest of the cast too, so stay tuned!</p><p>Random Funfact: I actually started writing this story because of a playlist I created with my sister. We collected all the super cheesy old school love songs our parents made us listen to in the car when we were kids and then all of the sudden I had this vision of JK crying to a Mariah Carey song and I had to write it - I thought it would only be a OS hahah but here we are now! I had so much fun with the spotify playlists I created for this fic - let me know if you listened to any of them!</p><p>Have a lovely day and leave a kudo or comment if you feel like brightening up mine - I would love to read your thoughts on the ending :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Seokjin is twenty-seven-years-old when he first realizes that love does, in fact, feel exactly like a cheesy love song.</p><p>(get ready for: the Vmin wedding; Jinkook fluff; Granny Kim‘s A+ grandmothering; Namjoon‘s comeback and the full circle)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can‘t believe this is the last time I add a chapter to this story. It is all so surreal - but I‘m very happy to wrap it up. I hope you will like the epilogue (I tried to make it as soft as possible) and have fun reading! Thanks for sticking around and giving this story a chance! Your encouraging comments and kudos always make my day &lt;3</p><p>Btw, while procrastinating the actual writing I made a HUGE mood board for this fic:</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/fireproofdemiG/status/1391196058764644353?s=20">mood board</a><br/> <br/>Spotify playlists I created for this fic:</p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Ulu4W4tsp2JldFTnfzaaf?si=RJAMFAEOSn6W7acMfiCoCw&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the  OST</a><br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EA6ToTtsSgbcakJUG6nSm?si=z4ruric3SOaFor4QvGa2Ng&amp;utm_source=copy-link">the creepy stalker mixtape</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">E P I L O G U E</span>
</p><p> </p><p>The day of Jimin and Taehyung‘s wedding is perfect. Warm and bright and summery but not too hot or humid - it‘s a miracle considering the constant rainfall in the days leading up to the big event. Seokjin still cringes when he remembers the disdainful looks his soaking wet hair and suit had earned him when he entered the exam room on the last day of the bar exam.  Jimin must have gone through with the questionable weather dance ritual he had told them about after <em>yet another</em> pre-wedding meltdown at their place. There is no other logical explanation for the cloudless sky and blinding sunshine.</p><p>Seokjin has to leave it to them: The wedding is quite impressive. There are flowers and fairy lights and pale yellow groomsmaid‘s dresses and sniffling guests as wide as the eye can see and after the last few dreadful months of planning and organizing and freaking out and suffering Jimin and Taehyung seem to be satisfied at last - holding hands under the sunflower and rose arch, reciting their vows by heart, <em>because </em>reading<em> them would ruin the mood and notes are for losers like Seokjin-hyung anyway. </em>Demons. Glamorous, heart-wrenchingly lovestruck ones, but demons, nevertheless. Oh well.  </p><p>“You were unlike anyone I had ever met before”, Jimin says with a soft smile. “Like an alien. Someone from a different star. I tried so hard, and I still couldn’t quite figure you out. But at the same time, I knew that you and I were meant to be together. That our souls were the same and-“</p><p>In the chair next to him, Jungkook stiffens up. He is holding his breath. Swallowing heavily. On the edge of his breaking point.</p><p>
  <em>Finally. </em>
</p><p>Being Jungkook‘s boyfriend is great. Exhausting and nerve-wracking at times too, but overall an amazing experience. It comes with lots of endearing little slice of life perks, like the replacement of his alarm clock by persistent wake-up kisses and funny little doodles hidden in his books and pockets and paint stains on his favorite clothes and spontaneous lunch breaks on the roof of his office building and glittery bath bomb experiments and ugly selca collages on the walls of the study <em>slash</em> art studio and the privilege of being honest with his colleagues and those silly little wrestling matches that turn into intense make-out sessions.</p><p>But if Seokjin had to pick his favorite thing about their relationship he would have to go with the dumb bets he wins eight out of ten times. Getting fucked lifted up against a wall like he doesn’t weigh anything at all is a close second, of course, but not nearly as good as winning the right to pick their next Netflix show or getting treated to meals five times in a row or making Jungkook wear mismatched pastel pink outfits and the glittery bucket hat of shame to his new workplace. Beating Jungkook is almost too easy - he can‘t say no to a challenge, no matter how bad the odds of him winning are.</p><p>“- and you´re still my favorite person in the whole wide world, Taehyung-ah. I am so, so thankful for you. For the love and the light and the strength, you brought into my life. I don‘t know if you remember it, but the summer before our last year of high school you told me that you felt like you relied more on me than I did on you and I didn’t tell you back then, but you were wrong”, Jimin‘s voice waivers. “Before we met, I was afraid <em>all the time</em>. And then you made the fear disappear. You made me brave.”</p><p><em>Everyone </em>is tearing up by now. Hobi‘s eyes have been leaking ever since Taehyung walked down the aisle with Granny Kim on his arm and Yong-Sun keeps sniffling into a handkerchief. Even the string quartet looks like they have a difficult time staying professional. There‘s no way Jungkook can get through the whole ceremony without crying.</p><p>“You still doing okay?”, Seokjin whispers in his sweetest tone. “The vows are real tear-jerkers, huh?”</p><p>Jungkook shakes his head but his bottom lip is trembling and he is blinking a tad too fast not to give himself away. It makes Seokjin grin even wider as he intertwines their fingers. It should only be a matter of seconds now. And then he can enjoy the privilege of picking the restaurants they order from for two whole weeks with Jungkook paying.</p><p>“Are you sure, Kookie? It‘s okay to cry. Want me to get you a tissue?”</p><p>Another stubborn headshake.</p><p>“You can-“</p><p>Yoongi turns around and shoots a frightening killer look in their direction, shutting him up effectively. Oh, well. Letting Jungkook focus on Jimin‘s words is probably more likely to break him anyway.</p><p>“When we were still just kids, fantasizing about our future in Granny Kim‘s backyard, I already knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. That our story was <em>it </em>for me. The once-in-a-lifetime-thing. And in all these years, nothing has changed. I still feel like a lovesick teenager whenever you smile at me”, Taehyung laughs and Jimin dabs at his eyes and Seokjin‘s throat is starting to clog up. When Jimin continues, he tries his best to focus on Jungkook‘s hand in his and on all the lobster he will order in the upcoming two weeks.  </p><p>“It‘s like I´m falling in love with you over and over again and there‘s nothing I want more than to make sure that you are loved and held and cherished and happy and warm for the rest of your life. I- I promise to love you forever and ever.”</p><p>Taehyung‘s smile widens and Jimin grins back and then they hook their pinkies together because they are disgustingly cheesy like that and at this point, Jungkook lets out a quiet sob. He tries to stifle it but it‘s too late - he knows he has lost once again. His frustrated pout and the way he rolls his wet eyes at him kind of makes Seokjin want to kiss him. Since they aren‘t as shameless as <em>TaeMin, </em>he settles on patting Jungkook‘s leg and getting him a tissue. Being the great boyfriend he is, he even abstains from rubbing his victory into his face. At least for now.</p><p>Taehyung clears his throat and glances at the wedding officiant  (a petite middle-aged woman who has been fighting back her own tears for the last few minutes too) before he starts talking.</p><p>“Jimin-ah. I- I didn’t prepare a lot. I‘m not that good with words. Actually, I‘m really bad with them”, they both chuckle and some of the guests join in. Probably to test if their voices still work after all the repressed sobbing. “So. I hope it‘s okay if I jump straight to the promise part.”</p><p>He looks like he would be ready to whip out a classic, confusing Taehyung speech if Jimin asked him to but he just nods to confirm that he is fine with the shortened version.</p><p>“Okay. So. I promise- I promise that I will always try my best to make you as happy as you make me and that I will love you and be there for you forever and ever and beyond that too. I still can‘t believe that I got lucky enough to marry you and I can‘t wait to grow wrinkly old with you.”</p><p>There‘s a dramatic pause and Seokjin uses it to imagine his friends‘ wrinkly future selves. Old age will probably suit Taehyung. Everything does. And Jimin will probably shrink and become one of those fun-sized, crescent-eyes grandpas every child adores. They are truly the epitome of those gross movie couples that shouldn’t exist in real life. Disgusting.</p><p>[Jungkook and him will grow old together too. Or at least he hopes that they will. And that Jungkook also hopes that they will. Seokjin squeezes his hand just to make sure he is still there. And he squeezes back. All is well.]</p><p>“And there‘s lots of other things that I could tell you. But you know it all. You‘re my best friend.”</p><p>Okay, so maybe rubbing the victory into Jungkook‘s face anytime soon would be a bit hypocritical considering the way his heart clenches around itself at Taehyung‘s words. Jungkook must be rubbing off on him. Turning him into a faint-hearted crybaby too. Yikes. As if the <em>Berlin confession</em> wouldn’t have been bad enough.</p><p>Jimin and Taehyung exchange rings and ring vows - to everyone‘s relief it‘s just the basic <em>I marry you with this ring and with all that I have and all that I am </em>stuff the officiant had proposed after the two-hour-long big final rehearsal Jimin had insisted on. That doesn’t stop Hoseok, Jimin‘s dancer friends and the <em>inner circle </em>minus Seokjin from bawling their eyes out, and when they are unofficially declared husband and husband he almost sheds a tear himself.  Because all of a sudden Jimin and Taehyung are literally <em>glowing</em>.</p><p>They are all giddy smiles and giggles when their lips meet for what has to be the shortest and chastest kiss Seokjin has ever witnessed between them. Sparks fly, nevertheless, and for a few heartbeats, it‘s like they dissolve in their own little world - staring at each other with eyes full of tiny cartoon hearts and <em>beaming</em> and bringing back those devastating memories of their puppy love story Seokjin got to witness from the front row.</p><p>“Are you- are you about to cry?”, Jungkook asks as they stand up to watch Jimin and Taehyung and their yellow army of groomsmaids recede down the aisle.</p><p>“Yah! What a shameless assumption! I‘m not!”</p><p>Jungkook smirks.</p><p>“Of course not. Keep telling yourself that.”</p><p>“I <em>might </em>be about to cry if I just lost my take out veto-privilege and had to pay for everything we order in the next two weeks”, Seokjin says, gently wiping the last teardrops from Jungkook‘s eyelashes and ignoring his annoyed groan, “But as we both know, I am not the loser here, Jungkook-ah.”</p><p>“Oh God, you‘re the <em>worst</em>.”</p><p>“And yet you still love me.”</p><p>[They bicker all the time. Just like before. One could probably say that being insufferable around each other is their love language. However, sometimes Seokjin‘s muscles still tense up in moments like this. The idea of Jungkook <em>loving </em>him is still too surreal to be taken for granted. But he is really fucking good at chasing the <em>cursedcursedcursed</em> bad thoughts away - his eyes go starry and he smiles that one smile that Yoongi and Moonbyul have labeled <em>Seokjin-hyung-smile</em> and it makes his heart beat very-very fast even after having had eight months to get used to the sensation. Seokjin is so, so endlessly soft for him. It‘s a miracle he hasn’t melted away yet.]</p><p>“I guess I do.”</p><p>Since most guests have already left their seats to shuffle across the garden and nobody is paying any attention to them anyway, Seokjin figures that some tame coupley PDA shouldn’t be viewed as inappropriate anymore. So he pulls Jungkook closer by his tie and kisses him.</p><p>[Seokjin isn’t sure if the tiny peck even counts as a proper kiss -it is more of a symbolic display of affection to make sure he doesn’t feel too upset about losing a bet again. Still enough to make his heart drop. He lets Jungkook return the kiss in a slightly less chaste manner and when they finally catch up to their family members and friends, he tries his best to convince everyone that the sudden change of weather is the only reason for his obvious dizziness and hopes that they believe him. Jungkook‘s content grin doesn’t help the case.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The reception is like a toned-down, tastefully upgraded version of the campy fever dream that the engagement party was - there are champagne towers and larger than life flower arrangements and a whole swing band and black-and-white posters of old <em>TaeMin </em>photos and more candles than Seokjin is comfortable with having around his tipsy friends, but apart from the questionable decoration choices and the announced fireworks, it is a very tame party.</p><p>Jimin and Taehyung keep on glowing as they accept their congratulations and compliments on the ceremony and assure them that they will be back once they have greeted the rest of the guests. Seokjin is happy for them. Really. But he is also very, very hungry and the flying canapés might keep him from starving to death, but they aren’t filling enough to keep him from cursing everyone who contributes to the delay of the actual dinner by taking hours to give the newlyweds their best wishes.</p><p>“Do you think that now is the time to let them know that we will never forgive them that we couldn’t be groomsmen?”, Hobi asks between two sips of his mimosa.</p><p>“No. Let them have this day. I plan to play the groomsmen card every single time one of them says or does anything even remotely annoying.”</p><p>“But you guys said you were okay with them opting for groomsmaids only”, Jungkook mumbles around a mouthful of the shrimp cocktail.</p><p>“Yeah, but we only said that because Jimin was in groomzilla mode back then. We didn’t <em>really</em> mean it”, Seokjin explains, shamelessly taking another spring roll from the appetizer plate Yugyeom had managed to steal from the kitchen. Sharing is caring and he is aware of the impoliteness of eating thrice as much as anyone else at the standing table, but he can‘t help it. The last few weeks of the bar exam preparations have turned him into a stress-eater and the thought of having to wait another hour until dinner is a very stressful one.</p><p>“We would’ve looked <em>so good</em> in yellow”, Hobi adds. “It‘s a shame. But it makes sense that they didn’t want us to steal the show.”</p><p>“Right. We can‘t blame them. Who would want anyone this handsome standing anywhere near them during their wedding ceremony?”</p><p>Seokjin regrets the rhetorical question the second he catches Jungkook‘s smirk.</p><p>“I wouldn’t mind it.”</p><p>
  <em>Oh, God.</em>
</p><p>It‘s pathetic, really, but his knees go weak when Jungkook winks at him. He can feel the blood rush into his ears and it makes Jungkook snicker. What a brat.</p><p>“God, stop being so greasy! You‘re worse than Moonbyul.”</p><p>“I‘m not the one getting all flustered by the greasiness though.”</p><p>“I‘m not getting flustered!”</p><p>“Are too.”</p><p>He reaches over the table to pinch Jungkook, but he dodges the attack and catches his hand, pressing it against his chest with an amused grin. It makes Hobi pull a grimace.</p><p>“I‘m going to go find Yoongi and Yong-Sun and leave you to your screwed-up mating ritual. You are worse than my pre-schoolers.”</p><p>Ouch. He does have a point. But it‘s not like Seokjin minds.</p><p>“Hyung, wait for me!”</p><p>Yugyeom offers an apologetic smile before hurrying off after Hobi. Leaving Seokjin and Jungkook alone with the stolen appetizer plate. <em>Jackpot.</em></p><p>Apparently, being the annoying couple, no one wants to be around, comes with its own benefits. Maybe Jimin and Taehyung are smarter than he gave them credit for and have figured this out ages ago. Being alone with Jungkook in the middle of a crowded wedding like this is all kinds of nice, actually. Judging questionable fashion choices and devouring the tiny gourmet creations while holding hands like it‘s the most mundane thing ever. Like Seokjin‘s heart didn’t threaten to break out of his chest whenever he as much as the <em>thought </em>of touching him until January<em>. </em></p><p>“Do you think that I can fit three of these in my mouth at once?”, Jungkook asks, mustering the mini salmon tarts with a little frown.</p><p>Seokjin loves him so much that he feels like combusting sometimes.</p><p>“Don‘t be a coward. Try five.”</p><p>[He does. And Seokjin takes a sneaky snapshot of him and makes it his new lock screen because struggling-but-determined-hamster-cheeked Jungkook is equal parts pathetic and cute and he needs to carry his picture around in case someone should ever ask about his beloved. Jungkook accepts the explanation with a slightly offended pout and Seokjin really hopes that he knows how much he adores him.]</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After dinner and approximately seventy heartfelt toasts, they obey Taehyung‘s wish and do their best to <em>mingle</em>.</p><p>It seems like every single person Jimin and Taehyung have ever interacted with has assembled in the candlelit venue and Seokjin doesn’t really <em>feel </em>like interacting with most of them, but he tries his best to make up for his drunken antisocial episode at the engagement party. They don’t say it out loud, but it is quite obvious that Jungkook is motivated by the same embarrassing memory. He sticks to Seokjin‘s side - holding on to him when they wedge their way through the crowd and sneaking his arm around his waist when they come to a halt to greet some old acquaintance and to chat about the salmon or the decoration. Making sure his hands never feel empty.</p><p>[After spotting Jackson and Jinyoung on the balcony where he is doing his best to convince a slightly drunk Yoongi to rethink dying his hair mint green again, Jungkook presses a kiss to his mouth, interrupting him mid-sentence. Seokjin‘s taken aback expression makes him laugh and then he drapes himself over his back like an annoying, oversized koala.]</p><p>“Jungkookie works in the music industry too. With important, famous artists”, Granny Kim announces to the small group of distant relatives she has just introduced them to. “Like Hwasa and Kim Namjoon.”</p><p>The way she treats them all like they are her grandchildren too is the sweetest thing ever - even if she tends to exaggerate when it comes to their achievements. The small freelancer agency Jungkook signed with a few months ago is not well known anywhere outside the underground scene. Namjoon and Hwasa are probably the only clients famous enough to be known by the mainstream media.  But it is still a perfect match - Jungkook is enthusiastic about his team and their current projects and the bands the agency works with adore his art.</p><p>“So you are a musician too?”, the middle-aged woman in red Seokjin can‘t remember the name of asks.</p><p>“No, I‘m- uhm, I work in graphic design. I do the, uhm, you know, album covers and promo material and stuff.”</p><p>“Oh, I see! That‘s great! You must be very talented then!”</p><p>Jungkook blushes and his bangs fall into his eyes as he bows to thank her. Granny Kim is beaming and Seokjin can‘t help but feel his own chest swell with pride too.  </p><p>“You have no idea. He is <em>amazing</em>”, he says as he brushes the loose strands of hair out of Jungkook‘s face. His cheeks turn an even deeper shade of pink as he shakes his head. <em>Soft. Pretty. His.</em></p><p>“And what about you, Seokjin-sshi?”</p><p>“Well, I-“</p><p>“Hyung just graduated from law school”, Jungkook blurts out before he gets the chance to answer.</p><p><em>Oh no, not again. </em>Seokjin can barely suppress a sigh as he forces himself to smile on.</p><p>“Oh, is that so?”, woman in red asks, seemingly impressed.</p><p>Jungkook nods.</p><p>“Yes! And he took the bar exam last week!”</p><p>Jungkook is still positive that he passed it. Despite Seokjin‘s efforts of making him understand how meager his chances of not failing the exam were. He spent a whole hour presenting pass rate statistics to him, but Jungkook‘s faith couldn’t be shaken. Admitting that he had a good feeling about it when he picked him up from the university after the fourth day of the exam was a fatal mistake. Jungkook has been buzzing with excitement ever since. And he can‘t stop telling people about it. It is very endearing, of course, and it makes Seokjin‘s heart clench around itself in the best way possible, but he could still end up failing, and having to tell everyone that he has to retake the whole thing again would be awful. The idea of having <em>that</em> talk is too scary to think about.</p><p>[Then again, so was the idea of telling their families about the new nature of their relationship. Worrying about their reactions turned out to be too much ado about nothing since absolutely no one seemed to be surprised by the shocking turn of events. Au contraire. It turned out that Jimin‘s dad thought they had been dating ever since Jungkook moved back to Seoul and that Granny Kim had been waiting for one of them to make a move for two years.]</p><p>“My niece took it last year”, woman-in-red‘s husband says. “We thought that poor girl would go crazy waiting for the result.”</p><p>“That‘s right. She was so nervous the whole time! And the results only arrived about three months after the exam.”</p><p>“Did she pass?”, Seokjin asks, just to be polite.</p><p>“Yes, of course. She is such a smart girl.”</p><p>
  <em>Good for her.</em>
</p><p>“I am a hundred percent sure that you will too, Seokjin-ah! You studied so hard and you are the brightest young man I know! And so hardworking too!”, Granny Kim coos, and Seokjin nearly chokes on his own spit. Getting praised by her is something he still has to get used to. The long years of unsubtle callouts must have traumatized him.</p><p>The group of random relatives agrees and congratulates him on graduating and then Granny Kim proceeds to tell them all about him becoming a junior associate in the corporate law section of his old firm and they need to participate in the obligatory menu and the wedding ceremony discussion before they are allowed to escape the hostage situation.</p><p>“Wow. That was intense”, Jungkook murmurs.</p><p>“Yeah. Add Granny Kim to the list of people we need to avoid.”</p><p>“I don‘t think I can make it through another one of these conversations sober.”</p><p>Good point. It‘s after ten pm after all. They should start drinking.</p><p>“Bar?”</p><p>Jungkook nods and so they head towards the room Yoongi disappeared in - just to bump into Jimin.</p><p>“Jungkook-ah! We‘ve been looking for you!”</p><p>His smile is a bit unsettling.</p><p>“For me?”</p><p>Jimin nods and then a grinning Taehyung appears out of thin air and grabs Jungkook‘s arm.</p><p>“Yes! It‘s ex-roommate photo session time! We need a professional shoot with our favorite house-elf!”</p><p>Seokjin can‘t help but chuckle at the sight of Jungkook‘s huge pleading eyes.</p><p>“Help? Please?”</p><p>“No. You can‘t deny the grooms‘ wishes on the day of their wedding. <em>Everyone </em>knows that. Have fun, I‘ll be at the bar!”</p><p>He ruffles his hair to Jimin‘s audible displeasure and blows a kiss over his shoulder before leaving him at their friends‘ mercy. It‘s every man for himself here.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Seokjin knows that Taehyung and Namjoon have been <em>virtual pen pals</em> for a while now. Everyone does. It was the only thing he was willing to talk about for weeks. It started out with Namjoon following him back on Instagram and liking the close-up of a ladybug Taehyung had accidentally sent him. They have been texting and sharing artsy nature and architecture photos ever since.</p><p>Seokjin knows that Namjoon likes Taehyung. Just like everyone else does. He also knows that Taehyung invited him to the wedding and that Namjoon told him that he would try to make it. But he never expected him to <em>actually show up</em>. So it is understandable that he nearly drops his wine glass when Namjoon sits down on the high bar stool next to him.</p><p>“Joon-ah! You‘re- you‘re here! You actually came!”</p><p>He smiles and lets Seokjin pull him into an awkward hug.</p><p>“Well. Tae invited me, so- I couldn’t make it to the ceremony, but he said coming to the afterparty was okay too.”</p><p>“Does he know that you‘re here?”</p><p>Namjoon nods.</p><p>“Yeah. I‘ve already said hello to him and Jimin. I also talked to Yoongi and Hobi and-“, he pauses for a second. “And to Jungkook. I guess I crushed their ex-roommate photo shoot.”</p><p>They haven‘t met since Seokjin and Jungkook started dating. He told him during one of their long catch-up-phone-calls sometime around Seollal and contrary to his expectations it had not been weird at all.</p><p>
  <em>“I am happy for you, hyung. I figured that you two would eventually end up becoming… more than friends.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You did?”</em>
</p><p><em>“Yeah. </em>About Love <em>wasn’t really subtle. Haha.”</em></p><p>This shouldn’t be weird either. It is not. Only a bit unfamiliar and unexpected. He can‘t remember the last time they met in person. Must have been about two years ago when Namjoon was recording in Seoul. Acting more reserved around each other is only natural. But it is okay. They are still Namjoon and Seokjin after all.</p><p>“Good. That only leaves me. Saving the best for last, huh?”</p><p>He laughs because laughter eases the tension and Namjoon does too. Kind of. Differentiating between his obnoxiously fake RM-laugh and the real one isn’t that easy, but the subtle huff and the dancing dimples are encouraging.</p><p>“You never change, hyung.”</p><p>“No. I guess I don‘t. Got to stay true to my youthful self.”</p><p>They both take a sip of their drinks and it‘s silent for a while. It doesn’t feel uncomfortable though.  </p><p>“Jungkook told me that you took the bar last week.”</p><p><em>Of fucking course he did. </em>Seokjin did not mention the bar exam when Namjoon congratulated him on his graduation. He hopes he doesn’t take it personally.</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>He can still remember his twenty-one-year-old self telling Namjoon about his dreams of getting into a prestigious law school and becoming a lawyer during a car ride to the beach. It had all seemed so far away and so out of reach back then.</p><p>“That‘s great, hyung. I‘m- I‘m very proud of you.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, it would be great if I passed”, he mumbles. It‘s ridiculous how Namjoon still manages to get him this flustered.</p><p>“It doesn’t have to be about passing. Studying for months and making it through such a huge exam is admirable regardless of the results! Our capitalist society- ”</p><p>All at once, Namjoon‘s eyes are full of flames. Seokjin knows this expression. <em>Oh, no.</em> He isn’t drunk enough to listen to one of his philosophical monologues.</p><p>“ - tricks us into believing that gaining knowledge is useless unless the outcome brings profit, but that‘s bullshit. The author of the <em>Hagakure </em>says-“</p><p>“That working towards a goal on a daily basis is basically like achieving it”, Seokjin interrupts. Gently. “I know. Yoongi quoted that one too when we had this conversation.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Namjoon shoots him an apologetic look.</p><p>“I‘m sorry. I didn’t mean to rant. I just-“</p><p>“I know. It‘s okay. I appreciate it.”</p><p>It‘s not even a lie. He really does. Even if he doesn’t agree with the quote.  </p><p>“Classic Yoongi.”</p><p>They both chuckle.</p><p>“You know him. He doesn’t change either”, Seokjin says before he exes the rest of his wine and changes the topic. “So, what about you? How have you been?”</p><p>“Fine. Great, actually. Working a lot. Touring and recording. You know the deal.”</p><p>As always.</p><p>“I‘ve listened to your new mixtape.”</p><p>At least fifty times - Jungkook is obsessed with it. He doesn’t say that out loud.</p><p>“You did?”, Namjoon asks, perking up in his seat. “Did you like it?”</p><p>It‘s funny how he looks exactly the way he did when he asked for Seokjin‘s opinion on the first few tracks Yoongi and him had recorded in that shady little studio in the music faculty‘s basement. Like it really matters to him.</p><p>“Of course! I mean, it is undeniably super sappy, but, like, in a cool, edgy way.”</p><p>Okay, so maybe the answer could have been nicer, but honesty has always been important in their relationship and the songs <em>are </em>incredibly cheesy. Catchy and lyrically impeccable, but also kind of like a single forty-seven minutes long chick-flick moment. <em>Trivia Love </em>is the least gooey one and that already says everything about the mixtape. He still liked it though. And Namjoon doesn’t seem offended, so everything is alright.</p><p>“Thanks. I know that they are <em>a lot</em> and I swear, I never planned on making this type of music, but I guess being in love does that to you”, he says with a sheepish little shrug.</p><p>“Are you trying to tell me that getting together with your co-producer turned your stage persona into a bard?”</p><p>Namjoon laughs at that.</p><p>“It isn’t that romantic when you put it this way, but- but I guess it kind of did. He- he makes me feel all kinds of things and I just have to write about them.”</p><p>There are stars in his eyes now. They sparkle through the thick lenses of his glasses. It‘s nice to finally get the visuals too - he has listened to his soft-voiced gushing a dozen times, however, seeing his face go equally tender adds a lot to the experience. Seokjin would love to meet his muse. Now is the time to propose a lunch date and he would love to but Namjoon looks like he has more to say and he doesn’t want to interrupt him.</p><p>“I mean, he is the most amazing person <em>ever </em>and he loves me back and- and that‘s how love songs are born, right?"</p><p>Pause. And then:</p><p>"Jungkook makes you feel like one too, doesn’t he?”</p><p>A typical Namjoon question.</p><p>It takes him by surprise but he also feels a strange sense of déjà vu - like this isn’t the first time he has to answer it.</p><p>His first instinct is to say no.</p><p>
  <em>People don‘t make each other these kinds of things in real life, Joon-ah. </em>
</p><p>But then he thinks about the way Jungkook‘s nose scrunches up when he makes him laugh and about the way his body feels snuggled up to him under the summer scented blankets and about his hand in his and about the tiny pastel paint drops on his cheeks after a painting session and about his little lisp and about the way his eyes flutter when he is too sleepy to focus and about zombie apocalypse survival strategy pillow talk and about the way his name feels so safe in his mouth and about his whole face lighting up whenever he sees him and about how sometimes he still forgets to breathe when he takes him into his arms and he changes his mind.</p><p>“Yes, I guess you‘re right. He does.”</p><p>Namjoon smiles at him and Seokjin smiles back and then he excuses himself - thinking about Jungkook makes him miss him too much to leave him at Jimin‘s and Taehyung‘s mercy.</p><p>[Seokjin is twenty-seven-year-old when he first realizes that love does, in fact, feel exactly like a cheesy love song. He comes just in time for the childhood friends <em>slash </em>OG supporters shoot and when he kisses Jungkook behind one of the <em>TaeMin</em> roll-ups, he  can practically hear the creepy stalker mixtape in his head.]</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <em>T H E   E N D</em> </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, so, I guess that‘s a wrap! I had lots of fun writing this story. It is the first fanfiction I have written in English and the very first one I have ever posted anywhere, so it was a challenging little journey, but I loved every minute of it and I plan on writing more in the future (... only after passing my criminal law exam though hahah) ^^ </p><p>I really wanted to give everyone the happy ending they deserved and I hope that I succeeded at it - for anyone wondering: Seokjin will definitely pass the bar exam. And Jungkook and him will grow old together, of course.</p><p>I hope you guys liked the Vmin wedding as much as I did. I adore Jimin and Taehyung so much and I plan on writing a OS on their epic love story, because under the layers of its comical cheesiness it is a very touching and beautiful one and I feel like they really deserve to get their own POV and moment in the spotlight, so stay tuned!</p><p>Thank you for joining me and reading this story! Have a lovely day and leave a kudo or a comment if you feel like brightening up mine - reading your thoughts on this story really means the world to me &lt;3</p><p>p.s.: I have a <a href="https://twitter.com/fireproofdemiG?s=20">twitter account</a><br/>(I am not really active on any social media platform, but I will occasionally make posts about my fics, so you can check it out if you‘d like to!)<br/> <br/></p>
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